Spoke with a friend in church today who was aware I was doing 30 days AF. He asked how I was getting on and shared a little about his drinking. It was awkward talking about the subject with people around and I had so much more to say so I decided to email him. Thought I'd share it on this forum also:
Found it uncomfortable talking about alcoholism in the coffee bar. Difficult thing to share.
I've always been a drinker and of course my heavy drinking goes back to my university years. After a became a Christian, I felt a conviction to cut down. But after a while my drinking stepped up again and the beginning of 2004 I got the shakes really bad, rapid heart beat and was exhausted all the time. Convinced it was caused by drink, I went to the doctors but was diagnosed with thyrotoxicosis (a sigh of relief but a serious disease nevertheless) and treated over a period of 18 months. For some reason during that time I began drinking more, whether it was my illness (every time the doctor lowered my dosage, I got slight withdrawal so would correct it with a drink), stress and pressure at work or just plain obsession I don't know - maybe all those factors. I decided to start buying vodka again (at uni it had been my favourite tipple... straight), until this point I'd only been drinking beer and wine (2-3 drinks a night, but every so often 6-7). First of all, a litre would last me about 3 weeks but it wasn't long before a bottle was lasting me 2 days at most. At first I felt fine, didn't even have hangovers. Then I noticed if I missed a day's drinking, I would notice it the next - feelings were similar the withdrawals from my carbimozole tablets (I'd feel shaky and sick - not like hangover shaky sick, it's a weird feeling I can't really explain but I knew it went if I had a drink). Eventually I began to get these symptoms every day - I'd be fine first thing, but after about 2 hours of getting up, I'd physically need a drink. Where I worked was above a Spar shop - was so tempted to buy some vodka to drink during work, think it was only by the strength of God I didn't. I just battled through the day feeling sick until evening's vodka binge. If work colleagues were going to the pub on lunch, I'd jump at the opportunity and have about 3 double vodkas.
I was now worried because I knew I was addicted and I began to make a conscious effort to try and cut down. The worst thing being that I felt it had destroyed me spiritually. I made a decision to abstain for Lent 2006 - but Lent crept up on me a lot quicker than I thought. I had managed to cut down somehow??? and because of this I had no withdrawal during the abstaination but was very depressed and in a very dark place - I cringe now at the thought. Many leaders in the church have prayed with me over my alcohol issue. I'm a lot better now, but keep a check on myself on how units I drink and abstaination helps to keep my tolerance down! I've still had my slips though, but they are becoming more and more infrequent, e.g. 2 weeks after praying with K after one meeting, I drank 13 cans of lager in one evening. I was still standing at the end of it, but was still drunk in the morning!!! Not funny really, especially as I drove to church the next day.
I'm thankful I've had no slips like that since last November. I'm doing my latest abstaination through a program on the web and have support from other like-minded alkies who want to abstain. Most of the people are from England and Ireland, but we have people from Spain, the US and New Zealand. And on the plus side, D is abstaining with me so that helps a great deal!
Found it uncomfortable talking about alcoholism in the coffee bar. Difficult thing to share.
I've always been a drinker and of course my heavy drinking goes back to my university years. After a became a Christian, I felt a conviction to cut down. But after a while my drinking stepped up again and the beginning of 2004 I got the shakes really bad, rapid heart beat and was exhausted all the time. Convinced it was caused by drink, I went to the doctors but was diagnosed with thyrotoxicosis (a sigh of relief but a serious disease nevertheless) and treated over a period of 18 months. For some reason during that time I began drinking more, whether it was my illness (every time the doctor lowered my dosage, I got slight withdrawal so would correct it with a drink), stress and pressure at work or just plain obsession I don't know - maybe all those factors. I decided to start buying vodka again (at uni it had been my favourite tipple... straight), until this point I'd only been drinking beer and wine (2-3 drinks a night, but every so often 6-7). First of all, a litre would last me about 3 weeks but it wasn't long before a bottle was lasting me 2 days at most. At first I felt fine, didn't even have hangovers. Then I noticed if I missed a day's drinking, I would notice it the next - feelings were similar the withdrawals from my carbimozole tablets (I'd feel shaky and sick - not like hangover shaky sick, it's a weird feeling I can't really explain but I knew it went if I had a drink). Eventually I began to get these symptoms every day - I'd be fine first thing, but after about 2 hours of getting up, I'd physically need a drink. Where I worked was above a Spar shop - was so tempted to buy some vodka to drink during work, think it was only by the strength of God I didn't. I just battled through the day feeling sick until evening's vodka binge. If work colleagues were going to the pub on lunch, I'd jump at the opportunity and have about 3 double vodkas.
I was now worried because I knew I was addicted and I began to make a conscious effort to try and cut down. The worst thing being that I felt it had destroyed me spiritually. I made a decision to abstain for Lent 2006 - but Lent crept up on me a lot quicker than I thought. I had managed to cut down somehow??? and because of this I had no withdrawal during the abstaination but was very depressed and in a very dark place - I cringe now at the thought. Many leaders in the church have prayed with me over my alcohol issue. I'm a lot better now, but keep a check on myself on how units I drink and abstaination helps to keep my tolerance down! I've still had my slips though, but they are becoming more and more infrequent, e.g. 2 weeks after praying with K after one meeting, I drank 13 cans of lager in one evening. I was still standing at the end of it, but was still drunk in the morning!!! Not funny really, especially as I drove to church the next day.
I'm thankful I've had no slips like that since last November. I'm doing my latest abstaination through a program on the web and have support from other like-minded alkies who want to abstain. Most of the people are from England and Ireland, but we have people from Spain, the US and New Zealand. And on the plus side, D is abstaining with me so that helps a great deal!
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