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[rubywillow]

Yes, I'm back (no boos or hisses, please). I've missed this place - how did you manage without me. Actually I did want to let you know some things my recent trip to our cabin did for me, and ask others what you have done or plan to do in your new sobriety to keep your mind off AL. We have to change people, places, and things if we want to heal, but of course most of us can't dump everything in our lives and move to Mars. Being in my favorite place did help me 'settle my soul'. Besides the beauty of the mountains, the waterfalls, the wildlife, there is such a serenity when I'm there alone. My dogs (3 of them) were with me. I slept when I wanted, ate when I wanted, went where I wanted. I was responsible only to and for myself. Having that much time to think, meditate, listen to my CD's were so calming, I started to think of all the things I personally have given up for AL that used to make me so happy. Our house is a log cabin, with lots of windows and soaring ceilings. I designed it, drew the plans, and oversaw sub-contracted all the work. It's funished with antiques I collected BEFORE AL, and I remembered how much I loved searching for treasures. My walls are covered with paintings I did years ago, and I came home and began getting my art supplies together. I used to show and sell pictures, but have only painted a few since I fell in love with the bottle. Bookshelves there are full of books, and I haven't been able to concentrate long enough in years to read. Today I ordered several books for my daughter and me, since I have hurt her so much with my behavior. She let me keep my 'twin' boys, 3 and 2 1/2 (one's adopted) and when they showed up in their Batman and Spiderman costumes, so thrilled to be coming to visit me, it broke my heart at time I'd lost. Anyway, I mostly stayed at the cabin, working in my flowers, cleaning months of cobwebs down, and feeling at peace and, for the first time in many years, confident and excited about the future. I watched a program on PBS that I was so impressed with, and the woman said, "As women we usually want to serve our family. However, we're not supposed to be the main course." I wish I could share the feelings I hadn't been cognizant enough to understand for so long, and, to end this long ramble, I have hope, and plans, and dreams that have no room for AL, and that I didn't have a few months ago. Hubs missed me, but is thrilled at the new me. Please share your changes in how you see your life, how you plan to fill the sober hours and days, what talents you have discovered or rediscovered during your journey. I don't know if I feel like a new person, or the old me. The woman on PBS also said "Those who have trouble receiving, attract those who have trouble giving." We must be willing to give up the life we PLANNED to live the life waiting for us. I look in the mirror now everyday and say, "You're beautiful. You're sexy. You deserve happiness." And this is in spite of the bumps, lumps, sags, and warts! What are you doing for YOURSELF?:h

[Zeppie2]

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Yes excellent post Ruby - You've really got me thinking - thank you

[me2plz]

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Do you have a picture that you can post, so we can all go there for a moment? Thanks for your thoughts and reflection proccess. Gets me to thinking about more opportunities to come and to keep on (5th day AF for me).

One thing I've done for sure is to srite down the 'family' nights at my grand-daughter's (she's 7) school so I can see if she wants to go with me; as her Mother works nights. Couldn't do that while I was busy at home with the bottle.

[cymru]

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What an inspiring post Ruby. Alc free life has so many positives. Its like being born an adult, and relearning how to live your life in the outside world. To be part of something.

[rubywillow]

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Thanks all. The world is a big, beautiful place! I'm working on my computer skills, so I'll post pics as soon as I can. Better still, it's 1 hour from ATL airport, and since anyone flying anywhere has to fly thru ATL, plan an extra day or 2 layover! WARNING: We're just minutes from a winery, and wine is becoming big industry up in those hills! o2m, pack yo' sugarbutt up and come on down! Leaves start turning in a few weeks! I feel like one of those leaves, getting ready to change for the better!

[irishlady]

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Just how big is that cabin of yours Ruby?? Just asking, you know, in case!!

[beatle]

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Thanks for that post, Ms. Willow. I am in a similar place. When I look ahead I feel so positive and excited...

but I still feel the old life hanging around my neck like a millstone-- all the guilt and misery. I must keep my eyes focussed ahead of me; this is the most difficult part, especially as I must deal with the issues that contributed to all that misery.

Ah well, it was so nice to read your post, so full of optimism and new energy. That is how I feel most the time, and reading your post reminded me how wonderful it is. Forward march!

[lorisunshine]

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Willow,
that was simply a wonderful post full of energy, hope and sparkle. I am so happy for you. I understand how invigorating a sober mind feels. I love experiencing that every morning when I wake up. Life is just so damned good when you aren't bogged down with drugs.
Oh, yes, by the way, is there room for an air matress somewhere in that wonderful cabin - we could paint together. Just kidding!
Hugs,
Lori

[lushy]

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Excellent insightful post Ruby. I admire you for not being tempted by AL while at the cabin. We have a small cabin as well and it is a real trigger for me.

Keep up the great work!

[rubywillow]

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Yep, there's room for all! (Master BR is mine!!!) 2 BR & bath upstairs, AND I have a queen size air mattress. Bring your tents, hammocks, sleeping bags (that is NOT the person you sleep with!). I think a sobriety retreat is in the making! You're right, Lushy. I have been drinking up there as long as we've owned it, had parties, get-togethers, etc., all including AL. It's what was REALLY tough.

[DeeBee]

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Welcome Back Ruby,

Your cabin sounds like a small piece of heaven - how lucky you are to have it!

Your post has give me some food for thought. I haven't re-discovered any of my old talents as yet but I do have a new zest for life. Some days are still so hard but I have learnt to allow myself those days off.

Spring has just arrived here and I think a good spring clean is in order. I'm going to work on throwing out self-loathing, regret, shame and pity and work on forgiveness.

Good on you for not giving into AL when it was so tempting:-)

[southernbelle47]

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Ruby,
What a uplifting way to start my day. I have pictures in my head! Thank you for sharing.

Love,
Nancy

[LVT25]

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Hi Ruby!
I read your thread last night, and thought it was very nice.....
I was thinking like southern bell above, I have a lovely picture in my head. Thank you.
I, myself have been feeling really good lately. I feel like a different person, and I'm excited about the woman I can become. Someone my kids want to be around, and someone that's comfortable instead of tense most of the time. I have had to kind of seclude myself this summer in order to work on this, but you know, I think my friends are having their own life changes. It's so hard to describe. I'm doing things I never would have even considered when i was drinking and smoking all of the time--like train for a 5K! It makes me feel good. My spirituality makes me feel good, being productive makes me feel good.......I'm looking forward to the rest of my life. I'm hoping for more happy days than sad or mad.
Thanks for causing this reflection Ruby!:h