fell off

[wantrealmeaning]

hi everyone,
well i decided 2 show my face again, so to speak.
went 4mths without a drink, the longest in 12yrs, felt fab. then very slowly the insanity got me again.
i've been drinking again now 4 almost 2mths i think. started with a sneeky bottle of vodka and progress from there really.
look at the time, 8.30am gmt, and here i am with a mug of wine (ha, a mug of wine, very sophisticated eh? kids 'll think its a brew, i hope) and a spliff in the ashtray. my back is killing me, don't know if its my liver or kidneys, but it bloody hurts.
my children r so disappointed with me, god bless them, i was doing so well.
fucking hate how this disease has so much power over me, only as much as i allow it i know.........its so phycological.
2 manage 4mths sobriety i had 2 cut myself off from civilisation, which i had done already due 2 depression. bin on face book n intouch with friends from 20yrs ago..........been having a fab time, i cannot lie, sad thing is none of us has grown up much since skool daze, so been behaving like unruly teens again...........pathetic really, my kids r more responsible than me at the moment.
What really pisses me off is the fact that i'm not stupid, i adore my kids, by nature i'm a very honest person, with myself n others, i been through a lot in my life and survived and yet here i am again..........fightin this bastard...........i fukin hate it..........n only i can change it...............
sorry bout the bad language, i have not intended 2 offend anyone, just vent my disappointment and frustration............
people on this site have helped me so much..................gonna try real hard n jump back onboard................
Want
:h

[cymru]

fell off

Good morning meaning. So sorry to hear about your slip. 4 months was awsome! Its imprtant not to let your defences down, cause that bottle will be waiting to jump on your weak defence. Write down all the positives and negatives that alcohol is doing for you. Be honest and when your done have a good look at it and think about why your carrying on killing yourself. You sound like a great mum who loves her children very much, and they love you too. You want to see them grow up, dontyou, get married, have children. Those pains are your body asking you to stop.
Keep occupied, get a hobby of some sort, something to keep your mind off the bottle.
Join the AF army. We all help eachother, and people slip, but u just dust yourself down and jump back on board.
Have you been to the doc? Campral can help with cravings and antibuse is the nearest thing to a magic pill, cause you cant drink.
And thats the biggie meaning. You have to not want it anymore, fight those cravings, forgive yourself, let go of that guilt and shame and turn over a new page.
I hop you stay with us and lean on the support available here. Be strong. Good luck meaning.
Cymru x

[DeeBee]

fell off

Welcome Back Want,

You have done it before, you can do it again.... jump back on the AF band-wagon and give it your all!

Wishing you a wonderful AF weekend :-)

[gyco]

fell off

hi want,theres a lot of us out there,it is a battle,we go on from day to day,wondering how somthing so imple as AL,can win,we do everything rt,but the AL wins,there are a lot of us in your spot,you like myelf just have to talk to someone who feels the same as you,and guess wht,ou found us,there is really no judgment here,more or less,but the best thing is,were here for YOU GYCO

[gyco]

fell off

by the way i wrote this without my glasses cause i cant find the little sons of the b,,,,,,,s hahaha life goes on hahhahha

[maasai]

fell off

its good to have you on board again back want,
listen the important things is this you are here and want to do something about your drinking, the spiral downfall you have already realised is what kills us alcoholics, you have relapsed!! yes so what next, you have heard 4months before, get up since you have enough streangth to get you up.
the mug you are holding at 8.am is a pill to kick you day to hell and then you end up in the next day with a worse feeling than this.
you are doing something already by just posting this, be here stay here and do something yourself. only you can decide and throw that mug away from your hand.
we are here for you

[cymru]

fell off

Well said maasai

[wantrealmeaning]

fell off

Thanx.......ur all so ryt, so honest n true...........i'm in a strange zone at the mo......thats it, bargaining, completely insane at the mo, with al winning. i need a really good shake n get my mindset ryt again...........gettin back on here is a definite step in the ryt direction........................

:h