So, yesterday proved to me that no matter the length or the strength of your sobriety, you can always going to run into temptation. Yesterday turned out to be a really busy day.... I remember it like it was, well, yesterday - but I digress....
Started the morning out by cutting out and then re-taping an overhead drywall seam in the kitchen. Lots of reaching above my head, lots of dust, and since I stink at drywall mudding lots of extra work. Next, moved onto the garage. We had some water damage in the decorative molding above the exterior of our garage so I took out the damaged part and spent the rest of the morning and part of the afternoon cutting, nailing and priming wood to repair the damage. So more reaching above my head, lots of dust and this time lots of sun as well.
Oh yeah, and we are having friends over for a cookout at 4pm, so I need to run to the store to buy refreshments for everyone. It all started innocently enough... put away all the tools and hop in the car to head to the store. Wife says to grab something seasonal from the liquor store for them (and her) to drink. I can honestly say this does not present a challenge for me anymore - I have gone there multiple times before - but this time turned out to be a little different.
As I am driving there, I am thinking about how hot, tired, and dusty I am and suddenly the thought popped into my head, "a nice microbrew would tasted really, really nice after today...." I get to the store and pick up some Mike's Hard Lemonade and Leinenkugel's Octoberfest and head back home - and the thought is still in my head.. "You worked really hard today - you deserve one; think how good it would taste. Today is last day of summer, a fall beer is a perfect way to celebrate it."
I can honestly say that in 15+ months of sobriety, that was the strongest craving that I have had. I honestly remember telling myself that "feeling like you deserve one is probably the dumbest thought you could have." Don't know if I believed it or not, but I knew what the outcome would be if I followed through. So, stopped for a minute and said my serenity prayer, then talked to my wife right away when I got home.
Thankfully, the desires went away. I think that by acknowledging and addressing them, instead of trying to bury or supress them, I was able to take away my disease's power. I realized that I am not perfect (and never will be) and that it is okay to have these thoughts. I can't control them popping into my head, but I can control how I react and deal with them.
Anyway, thanks for listening, and I am grateful to be sober this morning.
Started the morning out by cutting out and then re-taping an overhead drywall seam in the kitchen. Lots of reaching above my head, lots of dust, and since I stink at drywall mudding lots of extra work. Next, moved onto the garage. We had some water damage in the decorative molding above the exterior of our garage so I took out the damaged part and spent the rest of the morning and part of the afternoon cutting, nailing and priming wood to repair the damage. So more reaching above my head, lots of dust and this time lots of sun as well.
Oh yeah, and we are having friends over for a cookout at 4pm, so I need to run to the store to buy refreshments for everyone. It all started innocently enough... put away all the tools and hop in the car to head to the store. Wife says to grab something seasonal from the liquor store for them (and her) to drink. I can honestly say this does not present a challenge for me anymore - I have gone there multiple times before - but this time turned out to be a little different.
As I am driving there, I am thinking about how hot, tired, and dusty I am and suddenly the thought popped into my head, "a nice microbrew would tasted really, really nice after today...." I get to the store and pick up some Mike's Hard Lemonade and Leinenkugel's Octoberfest and head back home - and the thought is still in my head.. "You worked really hard today - you deserve one; think how good it would taste. Today is last day of summer, a fall beer is a perfect way to celebrate it."
I can honestly say that in 15+ months of sobriety, that was the strongest craving that I have had. I honestly remember telling myself that "feeling like you deserve one is probably the dumbest thought you could have." Don't know if I believed it or not, but I knew what the outcome would be if I followed through. So, stopped for a minute and said my serenity prayer, then talked to my wife right away when I got home.
Thankfully, the desires went away. I think that by acknowledging and addressing them, instead of trying to bury or supress them, I was able to take away my disease's power. I realized that I am not perfect (and never will be) and that it is okay to have these thoughts. I can't control them popping into my head, but I can control how I react and deal with them.
Anyway, thanks for listening, and I am grateful to be sober this morning.
awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, 
Comment