Denial

[Gumby]

I am mesmerized by my current state of denial. I am wondering how many of you out there think you are beyond denial or still dealing with it. This seems to be my biggest obstacle at present. I know people who are worse off then I am.... meaning my present state of addiction. I have a friend who is presently sitting in prison because of alcohol, she has 4 kids. I have lived a life of addictive behavior within my whole family and again I don't feel I am as bad off as they where or are. The truth of the matter is, I do have a problem. I know this, But when it comes to rationalizing having a "few" beers... or whatever....I seem to talk myself right out of having a problem, as though my brain is operating on two different levels. The rational level and the irrational level. One being stronger then the other given the time of day and circumstance. So how does one over come this? This the biggest part of MY battle...I mean I wouldn't be here if I didn't think something was wrong...but yet I can't seem to make myself take this seriously enough. It is pissing me off quite frankly. I keep waiting to be struck up side the head with a great aha moment. I know the steps I am taking are in the right direction, and I am well aware of how addiction works. So I guess I am trying to find out how many of you out there feel as I do. My mantra is not I will quite drinking but, I will come to the realization I NEED to quit drinking. This is the speed bump I am crossing. Anyone with me on this??

[nancy]

Denial

Hi Gumby

You bring up so many important points here it would take ages to address them. But there probably are threads tackling each point you made somewhere on this site.

Personally, I don't buy this denial theory. Have you read Alan Carr's EasyWay To Control Drinking? He suggests this is a myth and that alcoholics know they have a horrible problem, hence reading books about it! The 12-step monopoly insists on the denial theory but it doesn't ring true for me.

The answer to why you keep doing it even though you know it is a problem, wow that is pretty complex. Seems like there are a lot of physical reasons. I am not a doctor so I am going to write just from things I have read... the cycle of getting highs to make us feel better initial mentally, through bursts of neurotransmitters is one of them. But then alcohol makes you feel depressed, reduces serotonin, so you think you need more.

Then there is the sugar connection, link to hypoglycemia. Are you taking care of your nutrition? Read up on that at all?

Seems like there is a lot to the physical addiction and I am not the best person to address it. Look up the posts by the member Boss.man for more.

And there is the social aspect, being used to sitting at the bar with certain people, joining in for the social ritual, these things can be very hard on someone trying to abstain. Alcohol is everywhere and is linked to having a good time/celebrating. You need to find other ways to socialize without alcohol.

The addiction affects your thinking process so you talk yourself into having a drink even though you know it is not in your interest. Learning to ignore that voice is part of the recovery process and in my opinion, meditation can help with this. Work in Progress, another member, has posted a lot of great stuff on this.


Nancy

PS Why is your friend in prison?

[Gumby]

Denial

Nancy,
great reply.... Thank you! I will look into that book...for sure. I have done some research in this matter and like I said, I have been thru a life time of family addiction issues. So I speak with some experience but in an ever changing world of philosophy's it can be a challenge to find which one works for you.

My friend is in prison for DUI's and violation of probation she was not suppose to drink, and it apparently meant so much to her she did. We have not talked in a while as I am sure she is embarrassed. She is a kind soul and I wish I could help her....I am hoping that some how this will help. Well thank you for your words of wisdom.

[A Work in Progress]

Denial

I agree with Nancy about the "denial" issue. I think it can become a bit of a distraction from the real work of getting on with solving our problems, much the same as the "hitting bottom" issue sometimes does. It creates a bit of a mind game that keeps us occupied, while we continue to drink!

Getting over alcohol abuse or addiction requires changes in thinking, in behavior, and in how we deal with our emotions. Usually, the behavioral changes have to take precedence. We can start by getting really busy with new activities that are consistent with sobriety: read the books, get the supplements, do some meditation and/or self-hypnosis, get regular exercise, join an AF thread here on MWO and get active on the thread... all the while, monitoring your thoughts and emotions. You can get tons of help here, with all of that!

best wishes,

wip

[needachange]

Denial

WHOA

Gumby,
When I read your story is was like someone sat and typed my every thought. I can not believe how we ring so true to each other's feelings. My third day viewing this site.

[Boss.man]

Denial

Gumby, this site helped me get over that. I don't know why.

What's changed recently for me is that I no longer think about drinking at all. I focus on the results of my drinking instead. Instead of "I will not drink tonight", I'll think "If I'm clear headed in the morning, what things can I get accomplished". Then, on making my plan, I know I want to be clear-headed.

[hart]

Denial

(((Gumby)))

I'm totally with you hon! Maybe we can get a two for one special on someone hitting us along side the head!

[rubywillow]

Denial

Gumby, your pain is all our pain. We're all denying in some way our addiction. It's hard to get to the very bottom of ourselves, and maybe we don't want to. It shines a bright light on our frailities, and exposes us. Many on the boards are way ahead of us on this journey, but we have to keep finding our own way. Doing lots of reading here, and lots of new CD's that I plug in when I start feeling cocky.

[tlrgs]

Denial

yeah i use to be there too ..it took me so long to get where i am today.. i had everything i could ever want and lost it all because of drugs the first time and still keep on drinking .. i just wasnt ready to quit it all .. and yes i think at that time i wasnt that bad off either .. and talk about hitting someone up side the head.. i try to kill myself because i was tired of it all ..and lost everything again .. but god was not ready for me and i thank god i woke up to see myself as i really was .. and i wish that for no one.. that not the way to wake up..but thats what it took me .. and i have come to undestand that it all starts with you wanting to qiuit and doing it for yourself .. and everyone can talk to you till you are blue in the face for you to quit ..but untill you are truely ready then and only then you will do what you want the most.. is quit drinking start living life the right way where you feel like a whole person again .. peace love and god bless stay strong and think positive

[AAthlete]

Denial

Gumby, I would completely agree with denial statement. I know far too many people who choose to either ignore or not accept the magnitude of their drinking problem. It can be rationalized a hundred different ways: "I'm not as bad as Joe - so I can't be an alcoholic! He's the one with the real problem..." But at the end of the day they are still drunk, just like Joe is...

Knowing you need to stop drinking and wanting to stop drinking are two completely different things. To get started, I truly believe that you need to hit your bottom - the point where the the desire to get drunk is outweighed by the consequences of doing so. Bottom doesn't have to mean jail or destitution.... It can be your family seeing you do something stupid while drunk, or saying something mean to a person you love, or the threat of losing your family...

The point is that you are ready to make a change in your life and are willing to go to any length to make it happen.

[Bella]

Denial

Hi gumby.....what I will say to you is this...Do not let yourself hit rock bottom to make you realise you might have a problem here.....I know exactly what you mean. I yo-yo from thinking I have no problem with alcohol to knowing damn well that I do...Its a tricky one. I moderate my intake...For example tonight I have had 3 drinks and that is it tonight now...I'm happy with that. But some nights I will know hours before that I want and am going to get right on it and that is so dangerous for me....Start thinking what you want out of your life and make some kind of plan....stick to your guns...keep talking about how you feel too..it helps and there are so many people here who understand... Good luck..Bella XXXX

[Bella]

Denial

P.S....Gumby..I hit rock bottom big style and its not nice....but it was the only thing that made me think...Hey, you what ? Thats not normal behaviour Bella!!! Address things now before it gets too bad. X

[Evie.Lou]

Denial

For me there is no more denying the fact that alcohol controls me.One drink and i am off running.It took along while for me to prove that to myself but I now for sure that it is a fact...It was the BATTLE OF MY LIFE,but I finally QUITE...It never would have happened without these people,here.They helped me in so many ways and I don't even know how I can ever repay them...If you let us, we can help you tooo..

[bestlifeldms]

Denial

I denied! Because as long as I denied I could keep drinking. I can control it. I can have just one. I don't have a problem... "HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I can't control it. I don't stop at just one. I DID have a problem. I'm sober now! 169 days

[Gumby]

Denial

Thank You all for your responses....something to think on. It's not like I haven't been.....

bestlifeldms..I like the "as long as I deny it I can drink". For me that hits the nail right on the head. It is the same reason I don't share my thoughts on my addiction with my husband, it is the fear he will want to help me, but am I there yet. He doesn't say anything to me because I think we may be in the same place silently together. Odd I know but the more I think on it the more I think this is another area I need to work on. I need to get busy! So much to do!!



You are all true inspirations thank you.....lets keep in touch