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I believe there is hope where there is belief

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    I believe there is hope where there is belief

    What a week....or rather 10 days.

    I was riding on a wave. Loads of photgraphic jobs, graphic work on the up, my cottage industry coffee wood house hold designs doing well to. THEN BANG. Suddenly got a call from one of my biggest clients saying that they had to cancel a photographic job, even though I was half way through it. I was devastated because I had worked hard for the contract and the cancellation affected my budget for the rest of this year.

    I got mad because instead of calling me direct about the cancellation (due to their budget probs) they called my other half (who works for the company) to phone through the bad news to me.

    I in turn wrote an e~mail to the concerned company's MD saying that I was not amused at their lack of guts and cancelling the job through someone else. RESULT... I have now been banned by the company to do any further photography and warned that if I make a fuss it could be detrmental to my business. In the same breath my other half took the side of the said company, and angry at me for sending the e~mail said that either I or he had to move out and that WE WERE FINISHED.

    I have lacked the guts to finish our relationship for the last two years, and I have talked about this situation here many times. Its hard to talk about, partly because I can only write here quickly whilst he is out with the dogs for a while.

    I've kept off the booze this last week because it frigtens me. I know that this is the worst time to get pissed, yet this small reprieve whilst he is out gives me the chance to make a strong Gin & soda (I dont even drink Gin... I hate it) but I just want to go to bed and sleep well.

    My Dad, 76 years old is coming out in 3 weeks. His first visit to Tanzania, with his wife. I say "his wife" because I have a Mum who died in my house and a Step Mother who brought me up. Dad's wife is the first to agree that 2 Mums in my life are enough... but I think she is great and we get on well.

    For the first time I have thought about going to AA in Arusha. Can't find their details. Also how do I qualify? I don't drink regularly. I don't hide bottles. I run a fairly successful company. YET.... I get pissed enough to let me down.

    I got pissed for no reason last month, and was feeling so hurt by my other half that I flirted with someone else. I ended up getting raped and having to go to my doc who is a specialist in AIDS and asking him what I should do.

    Spiritually I have grown a lot, yet my addiction to booze and cigs seems to be worse than ever, even though I believe in the word of God and desparately want to get this right. Not just for my self but because I believe all our paths in this life involve breaking a weakness through the strength of the Lord.

    2 of my closest friends had very different reactions to what has happened to me. One, who is very religious, said that I was not understood. Yes, I drank a lot but because I was tough I was misunderstood. The other, also a good friend, told me to go round to his house and listen to his tapes about Abraham and the Secret.

    I know that I have failed simply by writing here in a hurry. Gin and soda in hand. I just want to sort this out. Sort myself out. Retrieve my guts and pathway in life. Leave the booze and cigs. Get a life. Stop feeling scared.

    I believe in God and his ANGELS, which all of us have designated to our safety through him. I have also learnt a lot, slowly but surely going to church over the last few weeks. A modern church I can relate to and can save the bible passages and read at home... silently in my sober moments (thats sober moments not dedicted to work).

    My Dad will be here in 3 weeks with his wife. It must go well. Dad separated with my mother by birth when I was young. My step Mum who brought me up, through cancer. He was lucky in finding a new partner (which I told him from day one was great. So happy he found a companion and new love), and for the first time since he said he would disown me if I returned to Kenya (26 years ago) he is coming to see me in Tanzania. He's so excited and quite frankly I am as excited about him coming. Scared stiff.... but excited.

    After Dad leaves, my sister and her daughter, my niece come on the 27th of Dec for New Year. After that I must re~direction my life. I have spent the last 7 years with someone, whom I loved entirely, have helped honestly and considerably and yet through my total ignorance have only just realized that I was nothing but a tool.

    I believe in God and the Holy Spirit. I know that I am letting him down having a drink now. Writing this, I believe is not a problem.

    I have read the bible recently more than before and it is helping me no end, simply because the words mean something to me because I've gone to the Non Denomination Church and listened to a lot that I can relate to. That I am thankfull for.

    Meanwhile, I have a drink in hand whilst I write this. I do truthfully want to give this deamon up. See my strength and life clearly as I have before and even recently.

    I believe in pray and I believe in numbers. Guys help me.

    Must go.. He's Back.
    A BushBaby with Attitude

    #2
    I believe there is hope where there is belief

    I am almost lost for words when reading your post Elizebeth. You have been through so much. My heart goes out to you. I really think i should leave it for someone who can word things better than me, but i will say a prayer for you tonight. Please someone do a better job than me at answering this post, cause Elizebeth needs our help. God Bless You.
    To Infinity And Beyond!!

    Comment


      #3
      I believe there is hope where there is belief

      Elizabeth,

      I can feel your struggle while I read your words on the page. To be done with alcohol is so liberating. It is like being set free. I pray that you find this, because I know of your torment. I send up prayers for you. Know that we are here to support you. Hugs, Best
      "It wasn't all I wanted, but all I could stand!":bigwink: Alcohol free since April 8, 2008

      Comment


        #4
        I believe there is hope where there is belief

        I am so sorry for all that you have been through. Only you can decide that you want to end your relationship with alcohol. You really must be willing to go to any lengths. The only requirement for membership in AA is the desire to stop drinking. They have websites that may be able to help if you decide to try and find a meeting. You have Faith on your side and that is Huge!! It is by the grace of God that I stay sober one day at a time. I do hope that you will be able to come around more. I will put you in my prayers. Be strong.
        "Decide-Which Voice in Your Head you Can Keep Alive" (Shinedown)

        Comment


          #5
          I believe there is hope where there is belief

          Elizabeth my dear,
          You said......"I believe in God and his ANGELS, which all of us have designated to our safety through him"

          I have one question..
          Do you BELIEVE God?
          Even satan and his demons believe IN God!
          They tremble at His name..

          Go to that Bible and learn who God says you are and who He is..
          You are His...bought for with a price....His own Jesus' blood.
          If we confess Him as Lord and Savior , He adopts us into the family of God!
          Chosen....we are chosen just like if you choose to adopt a child!
          We call Him Abba-Father. He calls us His child...

          I believe
          God is who He says He is
          God can do what He says He can do
          I am who He says I am
          I can do what He says I can do
          His word is alive and active in me....
          I'm believeing God!!

          How about you?
          :lNancy
          "Be still and know that I am God"

          Psalm 46:10

          Comment


            #6
            I believe there is hope where there is belief

            thank you for sharing with us it really takes guts to write how you went thru everything .. and you are on your way.. you can do this ...what you wrote .. i can feel it in your words that you wrote.. you want this more then anything grab it take what you want and do what you have to.. to get where you want to be ..is to be sober ..throw out all the al in the house and start living the life you want .. stay strong and think positive
            :beach: life does change as long as you are willing to change yourself ..
            best thing about the future it comes one day at a time..

            Comment


              #7
              I believe there is hope where there is belief

              Elizabeth,
              My heart and prayers go out to you. Stop drinking today. Ask God to help you do this. Believe He will help you and it will happen. Your life will begin to get better after you have done this. You have a wonderful support community here, including others of various faiths. You have a lot of good skills. You can make this happen.
              My life is better without alcohol, since 9/1/12. My sobriety tool is the list at permalink 236 on the toolbox thread under monthly abstinance.

              Comment


                #8
                I believe there is hope where there is belief

                Elizabeth,

                You have many blessings, and a few challenges as well!!! Try to be strong and sober, I'll be praying for you
                Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice.
                - George Jackson

                Comment


                  #9
                  I believe there is hope where there is belief

                  Elizabeth, obviously by the replies you've received, everyone agrees on one thing: you have a strong sense of faith. And now is the time to rely on that. Turn it over to our Heavenly Father. I usually don't preach religion on this site, but I really think you should pray about it and not only ask for His strength, but ask him to guide you in the right direction. Just as important as it is to pray about it, it's important to be still and listen for his answer. It might not come right away, it might take quite a long time, but just take the time to pray for guidance and listen for the voice of the Spirit to guide you. Our Heavenly Father is mindful of ALL OF US. He knows every hair on your head. As with any parent, he wants to help us. Keep your faith strong. As they say, "This to will pass".
                  When life is more than you can stand...kneel.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    I believe there is hope where there is belief

                    Thanks all. I woke up in the middle of the night very confused, crying but the kind and helpful words here amazed and helped me. Reading Psalm 50:15 made things clear. Time to stop sitting on the picket fench and in trusting God know that my addiction can be controlled. In doing so I also have the opportunity of showing God I truely believe in him. I understand now that I have wondered like a lost sheep for quite a while. I'm going to track down AA, and whilst I don't believe in all their steps I will go with an open mind, I need to be with people who share our struggle, I need to stop feeling alone in a society thats pretty 'wild' and a T Tottle stands out like a zebra without stripes. I know so very well that there are so many who face bigger challenges than I and have truely suffered far more, but the depth of my despair was really helped by you all last night. Now I will keep stepping forward, and even if I feel teary, I believe... so things will change. xxx
                    A BushBaby with Attitude

                    Comment


                      #11
                      I believe there is hope where there is belief

                      hi elizabeth,ouchhh,my own daughter is going thro what you are going thro,7 years with a man and most of what he did was done thro lies,but he tht he was protecting her,so my dear young lady you are not alone,i like the rest am lost for words,you say you beleive in a god,i dont beleive he would want you to feel tormented i wish you well,gyco

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