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    #1

    A question for mother's of 2 or more children

    Sorry about the feeble title but didn't know how else to put it!!

    My 3yr 11mnth old daughter lives with her mum (my ex) and her new partner. My ex just found out she is pregnant a few weeks back and her and her new partner have told Jasmine (my daughter). She's only at the 6-8 week stage and has to go for a scan today because of pains etc. I've been trying to go through my head; should she have told Jasmine at this early stage in the pregnancy that she was having a baby. What if there are complications in this early stage and say a miscarriage occurs. So my question is this: At what stage in your 2nd pregnancy would you tell a child that she may have a little brother or sister?

    Thanks for the feed-back in advance

    Love and Happiness
    Hippie
    xx
    "Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children." Kahlil Gibran
    Clean and sober 25th January 2009
    Tags: None
    #2
    A question for mother's of 2 or more children

    I don't think I would tell anyone (except hubby) until after first trimester. Since I had serious complications with my first child, I didn't tell anyone (except hubby) I was pregnant with my 2nd until I was 5 months along!!
    _______________
    NF since June 1, 2008
    AF since September 28, 2008
    DrunkFree since June 1, 2008
    _____________
    :wings: In memory of MDbiker aka Bear.
    5/4/2010 In loving memory of MaryAnne. I pray you've found peace my friend.
    _______________
    The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.ray:

    Comment

      #3
      A question for mother's of 2 or more children

      My ex told our daughter, who was 4 at the time around the time that she started to show a bump I believe. Would ask her, but i think she would find it a bit weird!!!!!
      To Infinity And Beyond!!

      Comment

        #4
        A question for mother's of 2 or more children

        My ex did miscarry at 8 weeks with our first child which is why I guess I'm a bit worried about her at mo. (yeah she's a bitch at times but I still care about her!) But telling Jasmine I thought was a bit soon myself. I would of thought after the first trimester too.
        "Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children." Kahlil Gibran
        Clean and sober 25th January 2009

        Comment

          #5
          A question for mother's of 2 or more children

          Dearest Hipster,Children are much wiser than most would believe.I can't see any harm that could come from her sharing in the feeling of joy that must be filling that household.Don't you think that she already had perceived the change in the environment around her?Thoughts are things. and the younger the child is the more in tuned they are to emotions that are being prod-casted.If the worst case would happen and they had to tell her that they lost the baby, she would accept this quite easily as long as they explained it in a compassionate way.If she hadn't been told. and the baby would be lost then I would be concerned that she would feel the sense of loss and blame herself for making them sad...I am wondering if you are OK with sharing her with a new baby that she will feel is hers but not yours???I hope that they will encourage you be a part of this extended family.This is what will help Jasmine the most, in the long run.If this baby's make you the outsider, even more, then I do have concerns...Love ya LOTS...Try to speak to rationally and not to worry..
          sigpicEyes on the PRIZE, a SOBER Future !!!

          Comment

            #6
            A question for mother's of 2 or more children

            she would feel the sense of loss and blame herself for making them sad

            Thanks Evie. You always seem to give me a clearer perspective somehow! Yes they are including me in the 'extended' family to a degree purely because of me being Jasmine's father.

            Love and Happiness
            Hippie
            xx
            "Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children." Kahlil Gibran
            Clean and sober 25th January 2009

            Comment

              #7
              A question for mother's of 2 or more children

              Hi Hippie

              It's a tricky one...
              I'm the father of two (22 & 24), and daddy to a two year old, and I'm looking for more.
              I have 2 grandkids.
              I am 46. I lost my mum a few years back, and my dad has his own health issues.
              It's the circle of life...
              For me, pregnancy has always been a joyous, happy event, but always tinged with worry.
              I don't think your ex did anything wrong in sharing her joy with your daughter.
              It is the most natural thing in the world....literally.
              Good luck to you all my friend.

              Comment

                #8
                A question for mother's of 2 or more children

                It always comes down to personal choice. I didn't tell my son specifically, but we began talking about babies (he was 3 yrs & 3 das the day his sister was born). We slowly explained what we could about families and babies, until I was about 3 months, when we told him. One problem with telling very young children is that7-8 months is an inconceivable amount of time for them. They are just experiencing the cycles of the earth and events in their lives. However, as I said, it is a personal and individual decision.
                sigpic
                Never look down on a person unless you are offering them a hand up.
                awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, Being creative, being Unique, being you - changing things to the way YOU know they can BE - Living the Life you Always imagined.awprint:

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                  #9
                  A question for mother's of 2 or more children

                  I lost my 3rd child in pregnancy and I had told the kids , It mad me more cautious next pregnancy, didnt tell anyone for 4 months. My daughter still brings it up sometimes but I dont see any real harm in it , its a life lesson , not everything in life is always tickety boo, sooner they twig that , the better!

                  Comment

                    #10
                    A question for mother's of 2 or more children

                    Hips, I'd say 2nd trimester. We never said anything till we were past that time. Never told our other kids, friends, fam...nobody. Easier that way if something happens.
                    Was an alcoholic yesterday, an alcoholic today and will still be an alcoholic tomorrow..... but I'm in charge now!

                    Comment

                      #11
                      A question for mother's of 2 or more children

                      My daughter has lost 3 babies and my sister-in-law, 5. In both cases they had old children (daughters) and told them about 1st pregnancy but not about others till they were over 3 months. Didn't even tell us, for that matter, because my daughter knew how devastated I was after son lost my first grandchild, then she lost hers. Also my daughter is a CNM, CNP (Certified Nurse Midwife, Nurse Practitioner). She counsels her patients if they ask, what her opinion is, but, as I said early, that is ultimately a personal decision for the parents to make.
                      sigpic
                      Never look down on a person unless you are offering them a hand up.
                      awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, Being creative, being Unique, being you - changing things to the way YOU know they can BE - Living the Life you Always imagined.awprint:

                      Comment

                        #12
                        A question for mother's of 2 or more children

                        It really doesn't matter now, does it?
                        She knows but it will be up to Mom to explain if she miscarries.
                        Kids are tougher than we think. The important thing is to not make it a huge issue in front of the child.
                        Smart to wait until 12 weeks for anybody.

                        Most people are so excited to be expecting that they don't wait that long.
                        Forgive her for being human...if you can...
                        Nancy
                        "Be still and know that I am God"

                        Psalm 46:10

                        Comment

                          #13
                          A question for mother's of 2 or more children

                          Hippie, I have 3 kids. Delt with one miscarriage that almost killed my wife. I would'nt say anything until the preg. has gone further along. When the Sonagram has been preformed. IAD
                          ?Be who you are and say what you feel because
                          those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.?
                          Dr. Seuss

                          Comment

                            #14
                            A question for mother's of 2 or more children

                            H:

                            Jasmine has already been told so it's too late to turn back. Your ex's reasons for telling a 3 year old are between her and her partner. You can't change it, only embrace Jasmine.

                            If this had been between you and your ex, I am quite certain you both would have thought this out before telling anyone so early since you already went through a miscarriage once.

                            I am a mother of two, 11 months apart. We did not tell anyone until I was 4 months. I had minor complications early and I didn't want sympathy from anyone, so I made sure I was safely pregnant before revealing. What we did not realize early on when I had the minor complications was that I was carrying twins. As is very common, when a woman gets pregnant with twins and their is a risk in the pregnancy, the body "protects" one better than the other and one becomes the stronger egg and develops. The other never fully matures and passes, which is when I was sure I was miscarrying. To this day, I look at my daughter and think, she is a twin to a brother or a sister. We have not told her this, but it's in our mind.

                            What you should do is focus on Jasmine and if anything should happen, try to explain to her she had nothing to do with it. A story my friend told her son is that, God needed another angel and that's where the baby is. A cherub, looking out for all other babies that may be in their cribs crying and having bad dreams...the cherub comes to help settle them down and gently kisses them on the cheek. My friend's son thinks he has a baby cherub looking out for him and sends helium balloons that he gets from diners up to him...he says it's his cherub brother.

                            It makes both happy and they are able to go on.

                            Best of luck to you and your ex with her pregnancy.

                            Struggles

                            Comment

                              #15
                              A question for mother's of 2 or more children

                              hippie37;427966 wrote: Sorry about the feeble title but didn't know how else to put it!!

                              My 3yr 11mnth old daughter lives with her mum (my ex) and her new partner. My ex just found out she is pregnant a few weeks back and her and her new partner have told Jasmine (my daughter). She's only at the 6-8 week stage and has to go for a scan today because of pains etc. I've been trying to go through my head; should she have told Jasmine at this early stage in the pregnancy that she was having a baby. What if there are complications in this early stage and say a miscarriage occurs. So my question is this: At what stage in your 2nd pregnancy would you tell a child that she may have a little brother or sister?

                              Thanks for the feed-back in advance

                              Love and Happiness
                              Hippie
                              xx
                              Definately too soon to tell......especially since she is having pains.....pains can be normal, I had them and delivered a very healthy second child, and moved onto a 3rd.

                              But, in my humble opinion, TOO SOON.....though she is probably so very excited.....I would wait until after the third month for sure....but if she would have told her then, your daughter would feel like it's an eternity for the new baby to arrive.
                              AF July 6 2014

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