Running out of steam

[Waiting for his way out]

Running out of steam

The conflicting information is what keeps me in. One day he knows what he wants, me and our life together. Other days completely opposite. It is so hard to know what to believe. Most people tell me a temporary separation would do the trick, but for me there is no temporary. It has to be IN or OUT with no return possible that is how I am. so in the meantime, I wait to see which way is real. Afraid to make the wrong decision.
I know it is not how it should be. Gia is right about the self- destructive influence it has on me and hitting the bottom. But, if I don't know what to do, it probably is better to do nothing than regret later. I am completely confused. Maybe next week will be better.

[A Work in Progress]

Running out of steam

Waiting for his way out;430418 wrote: The conflicting information is what keeps me in. One day he knows what he wants, me and our life together. Other days completely opposite. It is so hard to know what to believe.

Well, and that's exactly the thing... you are letting him and his indecision call the shots for you and your life. Spending your time wondering what HE wants (or thinks he wants, today), and letting that be the decision-maker, is what is killing you. And it doesn't have to be an all-or-nothing thing. You can start, today, by making your own decisions about getting out of the house more, and pursuing stuff that is really more interesting and more fulfilling than endlessly speculating about what an alcoholic spouse is going to do, next!

I'm saying the same thing I say to myself, and to other folks who are or have been stuck in alcohol dependency: it is up to US to change our behavior so that we are living the kind of life we want to live, and that means not focusing on alcohol (whether in the form of using it ourselves, or focusing on whether a partner is using it, or not, or whether he might later use it, or not, etc.).

wip

[Waiting for his way out]

Running out of steam

I know.. I am hanging out in here for a while because I don't want to call him or send an e-mail or text message that will start another down slide of hurtful words exchange or more promises from him that he is so sorry for the relapse this week and last week, that he now knows what he wants and that it will be all better. I am desperately not touching the phone, it is like a magnet tempting me.. you are so right, thank you for all the kind attention.