Running out of steam

[Waiting for his way out]

All of you have helped me so much. Today I am running out of steam and heart. I thought he was on his way, but it turns out he is still drinking what he calls "a reduced daily dosage". His own side program... it is enough for me to notice and to know he is not 100% himself.
Of course, it is not what it used to be, but it is still going on and it hurts me. I love him so much. I want to be there to see him through this, I committed to it, but it is harder and harder to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I came here to share, it is the best place to be when in need of support.

[LVT25]

Running out of steam

I really do feel for you waiting. I remember feeling like I was on a roller coaster ride when I was married to my ex (25 years ago). The ups, the downs, the hopes, the disappointments, the lies the confusion, the dread, anticipation, worry and mistrust.
I really hope you can find a way to be happy and focus on yourself until he works this out. :h

[Waiting for his way out]

Running out of steam

I am trying. Searching deep for more strenght, but not finding it today.
Thank you for listening.

[hart]

Running out of steam

(((Waiting))))

I know it's hard hon. All the emotions involved, resentment, worry, rays of hope, disappointment, I know. But you can only take care of you. Nobody can make a drunk stop drinking if he's not locked up. Only he can decide when he's on HIS way out.... :l

[Waiting for his way out]

Running out of steam

I am so confused. Everything I have read and learned tells me it is not okay to drink everyday when you are on the program.. when you want to be sober.. when you say you want to be free of AL. But, he keeps telling me I don't know what I am talking about.. I am just an ignorant non-drinker. That I am listening to people who don't know either, that HE is the expert.
How can I be so wrong about this, it just does not make sense.

[A Work in Progress]

Running out of steam

Every alcoholic thinks he is "the expert"! Even worse, anyone with an internet connection can quickly and easily find information to support any argument one wants to make (or, whatever one wants to believe...), and then declare (of course!) "I am an expert"! And arguing with him will NOT help!

The only thing that will help your husband wake up will be the impact that his drinking has on his life. When he becomes unable to ignore that... then he will truly begin to look for a way "out" that helps him to stop hurting himself and his family.

best wishes,

wip

[Waiting for his way out]

Running out of steam

I have no courage today. Can't pick myself up from the deep sadness and heartbreak.
Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

[Cinders]

Running out of steam

Waiting,

I can't really add to what others have said.

I just want you to know I feel so badly for you and your husband. I know this cycle well. I have looked into my husband's eyes and seen the pain you are feeling now. It has made me feel such self-disgust.

Please take care of yourself. That is all you can do. That is all my husband can do.

He supports me for trying to stay sober and loves me but has made it clear he cannot tolerate any more relapses. It is too hard on him.

I respect that.

Love,
Cindi

[rubywillow]

Running out of steam

Waiting, you are speaking for my husband and I was the one HE was waiting on. I cry for the pain I caused him, and GOD, did I put him thru it. But if I came out (and I thought I knew it all!) anyone can. Look after yourself, Darling. You should speak to an expert counselor for YOURSELF, and have them help you decide how long you want to wait for him. Keep the faith.

[Waiting for his way out]

Running out of steam

We have everything going for us. Good jobs, vacation home and we live near the beach.. Nothing seems to be enough, he tought the sober life would be "great". It is great and I know I cannot make him see that. I tried to make him compare the sober life to the AL life and how much better it is. He can remember every meal and every conversation, he can go to bed and wake up the next day without feeling horrible. No more sleeping in hotel rooms with Vodka bottles, no more driving drunk in the middle of the night, no more crying and screaming from me and so much more..
But, I also know and understand what you are saying. Only he can appreciate those things.
I just needed to share today, hoping someone has the magical answer knowing very well no one does.

[A Work in Progress]

Running out of steam

I cannot make him see that. I tried to make him compare the sober life to the AL life and how much better it is.

Waiting, you really must do your best not to argue with him or try to persuade him of anything. This will ONLY increase his resistance and defensiveness. It will do absolutely NO GOOD.

I know that's a very tall order, and I'm sorry for your pain.

best wishes

wip

[akmom]

Running out of steam

Waiting.....my husband used to berate me. His disappointment and berating would make me feel worse about myself and I would go right back into my bottle because "it took the pain away". When he started to wait until I wanted to talk, I began to see things from his perspective. The silence from him was killing me and I knew that if I stayed sober then I would begin to feel better about me and him. Just my story.

I have become a better person because he now shows me that I am better than AL.

[Waiting for his way out]

Running out of steam

I can sometimes, for several days. But, then the pressure increases and I let it out. I will do my best to keep myself quiet. have to go back and read the co-dependent books and stay in touch here.

[Waiting for his way out]

Running out of steam

I don't berate him anymore, I have stopped that a while ago. But, I am having a hard time watching him on the program thinking what a good progress he is making and then finding out he is still drinking to follow his own "scientific" route, his quote. I was just trying to tell him it does seem to make sense to be on the program and still drink, that he is not helping himself by doing that. Of course, it was not well received and you know the rest of the story. However, no berating took place, I was just trying to be logical with an illogical person.

[AAthlete]

Running out of steam

I just wanted to jump in and say that I am sorry for what you are being put through.

I did the same thing to my family, and it almost lead to them leaving. We alcoholics will do or say anything at times to convince ourselves and others around us that we have this problem under control - but the only reason for doing that is so we can keep drinking. All you want is honesty, openness and truthfulness and sometimes all we can do is tell lies, be dishonest, and cause pain. It truly does have to be his decision; there is nothing that you can do to make him change.

I know that you log on here and read as well, but Al-Anon can also be very helpful. My wife attended meetings when I was drinking and got a lot out of them.