Running out of steam

[Waiting for his way out]

Running out of steam

Thank you all for your encouraging words.

[Evie.Lou]

Running out of steam

Dear waiting, please know that recovery from alcoholism is a journey down a long windey road with many pot holes along the way..Try to look for the Good, and praise it...When I would hit a pot hole in my road to recovery the worse thing that Hubby could do is throw it in my face...he just continued to support my movement forward.I joined this site Dec. 2007 and didn't get sober until may 12 2008...This time it feels like it will be forever...As alcoholics we are aways vonerable to slips...Take care of you and stay positive.Maybe Antabuse would help him ????

[Waiting for his way out]

Running out of steam

I am sorry, I know I sound so desperate today. I don't feel that way everyday. Thank you again for your kind words and support. I would be crying on the bathroom floor like I used to, if I was not here reading your thoughts.
Evielou, it will be forever.

[Waiting for his way out]

Running out of steam

Hi Gia, what a nut job I feel like.. One week I post how I am so happy with everything going so well, and the next day I post my desperation. Someone said last week how strong I seem in my posts.. not exactly.
Al-anon was not for me, too passive, too cudly and too religious. I need to scream my frustration from the top of a mountain, you cannot hear me... but I am screaming inside I will make another appointment with my Dr. who reassures me I am not crazy. ...

[Waiting for his way out]

Running out of steam

It is almost that time of day... going home soon. I already know how it is going to be. I will go in and he will be at a certain degree of intoxication, it is only a question of high is the degree? I am so scared, my stomach is one huge knot and tears are rising. My hands start shaking and my pulse goes up rapidly. It is hard to drive home, it is the longest mile. I just want to keep driving until I run out of gas.
I keep telling myself to just walk away, go do something else. Don't pay attention to him, but it is like a magnet pulling me into the darkness. I just want to make it stop.

[Cinders]

Running out of steam

Waiting,

This is a very telling post. You are in so much pain.

Perhaps you should call and ask him point blank if he has been drinking. If he has, tell him you are going to go on and go to dinner by yourself. Not in anger but for your own peace of mind.

I am thinking Al-Anon may be a very good thing for you to check out. They have so much information and wisdom about living with an alcoholic.

Sending prayers and strength to you.

Love,
Cindi

[Waiting for his way out]

Running out of steam

Thank you. Al-Anon is not for me. I already know he has been drinking. it took less than 2 words on the phone to figure that out. I think I will go home, change into some comfortable clothes and go hang out at Starbucks. I can cry behind my sunglasses while drinking coffee outside and wondering I got here. The sun rises again tomorrow and with it maybe a better day.

[Determinatrix]

Running out of steam

Waiting - you are letting his alcohol use control your everyday emotions. I know it is so hard when you care so much. I learned that putting a little space around my heart helped it not hurt so much. I reccomend the book Co-Dependent No More; read the portion on detachment. It will not only help your heart, but your emotional/mental change will have some sort of affect on your husband. For me, he realized that this was his to fight, and mine to support. I was doing too much fighting, thereby he did not have to fight as hard. You need to continue to nurture your own life: volunteer, go to the museum, take up a sport, join a knitting group or a book club. Invest in your life. Center yourself and maybe he will learn from you and center himself.

Respectfully,
Dx

[Waiting for his way out]

Running out of steam

Thank you, I have read the book and have recommended it to other people. I try very hard to follow those principles, but some days it is just too much to handle. I am so over it this week. Today I feel "shape up or ship out". cannot live like this anymore, I have said this hundreds of times, and here I am still hanging on. Today I don't care about anything anymore... just how it feels right now.

[A Work in Progress]

Running out of steam

Determinatrix;429974 wrote: Waiting - you are letting his alcohol use control your everyday emotions. I know it is so hard when you care so much. I learned that putting a little space around my heart helped it not hurt so much. I reccomend the book Co-Dependent No More; read the portion on detachment. It will not only help your heart, but your emotional/mental change will have some sort of affect on your husband. For me, he realized that this was his to fight, and mine to support. I was doing too much fighting, thereby he did not have to fight as hard. You need to continue to nurture your own life: volunteer, go to the museum, take up a sport, join a knitting group or a book club. Invest in your life. Center yourself and maybe he will learn from you and center himself.

That is one fantastic post and I can't add anything to it. Waiting, I hope you take it to heart, and make a solid commitment to put it into action, one day at a time (ODAT).

best wishes,

wip

[Waiting for his way out]

Running out of steam

Everyone is right. I know this. I am so angry for not picking myself off the floor and move on. sooner or later I will have to.

[Cinders]

Running out of steam

Waiting,

Don't be angry with yourself. You are doing the best you know how to do in a very difficult circumstance.

I know my hubby has gotten very angry and fed up with me, too. I have seen the pain in his eyes and the fear. It hurt.

I know that today, sober, I feel great. I know that I love my husband more than any other human being in the world (I even like him!!) and I know that in the midst of my addiction that love was simply not enough. It is sad and it is scary how strong the addiction is.

It was my internal desire to get sober that worked. Nothing else.

I am grateful my husband is still with me through this but would not have been surprised or angry if he had left me.

Take good care of yourself. You cannot change him but you can decide how you will respond. (Serenity prayer..)

Love,
Cindi

[Waiting for his way out]

Running out of steam

When I was 36 years old, after 15 years of a failed marriage, I walked away. I had two small children, but I walked away with them (and the cat) and started a new life from the ground up. It was supposed to be a fresh start and it was for a while, I never expected to be in this position with someone addicted to AL. I have to find that person again, the one who walked away, my children are out of college now, it should be easier..but is is not. I have to dig deep and find the power within to either stay and live, the way I know I have to and Dex spelled out, OR it has to end.

[Waiting for his way out]

Running out of steam

THANK YOU.

[LVT25]

Running out of steam

Hi Waiting.

I remember all those years ago feeling the same as you. I could tell from hundreds of miles away if he had been drinking. I was going to al anon and I also went to family treatment when he was in dry out the last time. It was when I finally "Let Go and Let God" take care of things that it became easier. It seems I just woke up one day and knew what I had to do. Unfortunately that was divorce. Fortunately we had only been married 4 years and no kids.
You may not believe this now, but prayer is very powerful. :h
I also spent many weekends away in motels or at families homes just to get away from him. I'm not sure he even noticed I was gone.