AF Army 4th October

[cymru]

AF Army 4th October

Were all having a guitar hero session at the mo. Why is reign in blood so damn difficult to play!!!

[A Work in Progress]

AF Army 4th October

AKM: "self esteem flushed down the toilet"? Maybe not. Maybe it just feels really bad, when it happens; but after that, how you handle those "bad feelings," and how you respond to the person who questioned you... those things are up to you. Getting truly "recovered" from alcohol dependency includes learning to regulate emotions... Give it time. Don't let things become more than they really are...

I am finding that the longer I remain AF, the less things bother me; things that once felt so awful that I did not think I could tolerate the feelings without drinking... now they feel bad but I know the bad feeling will fade. If I let it fade!

wip

[akmom]

AF Army 4th October

In the middle of loading my car for the day (i.e. diaper bag, extra gloves, lunch for firestation, boxes to mail at post office, his uniforms to get dry cleaned, homework the 12 year old forgot, skates to get sharpened, etc), after staying up until 2 am to finish a Pomegranate Cheesecake and the lunch for his shift at the station, getting up at 4 with a sick child. My husband, who knows me better than anybody, who can tell with one word or look if I've been drinking, actually asked me "Have you been drinking?" When I said "No, honey I haven't" he actually said "ARE YOU SURE?" Talk about a kick in the gut!!! I was just floored, I haven't felt that bad about myself in a long time. I actually, for a few seconds, wondered where had all my hard work gone, what had it been for, what had I done to make him think that? Anyway, now you have me crying again.....The moment was almost lower than my last binge.

[cymru]

AF Army 4th October

You o.k mom?

[akmom]

AF Army 4th October

I know that WIP, but after he got home last night, after I had my feelings in check, he had nothing so say about it. He wouldn't even tell me why he asked me that. Apparently I am the only one who has to accept responsibility for my actions and words. It bothered me that he could just blow it off like it never happened. I have 17 months AF, minus 3 days in August. I normally have my emotions in check just fine and I don't let things like that bother me, but this totally came out of left field.

[akmom]

AF Army 4th October

I'm fine!! Just a reality check, there haven't been any moments in a really long time where my sobriety had been questioned. I mean a REALLY long time, and to have it questioned on a day where I obviously had my act together was strange.

[cymru]

AF Army 4th October

Sorry to hear that mom. I have it with my mum alot. she asks questions and looks around my house when she comes over and it really irrates me. But i have to remember that i am still in the early stages of sobriety, and although i feel great about it, it will take a little longer to convince my loved ones that i have changed. ODAT mom. In time you will regain there trust, but i remember the saying 'Rome wasnt built in a day'

[akmom]

AF Army 4th October

Cym, I know, I know!! Just a tough day. BTW, I posted my halloween cheesecake recipe. It's really good!!!

[A Work in Progress]

AF Army 4th October

akmom;431178 wrote: I know that WIP, but after he got home last night, after I had my feelings in check, he had nothing so say about it. He wouldn't even tell me why he asked me that. Apparently I am the only one who has to accept responsibility for my actions and words. It bothered me that he could just blow it off like it never happened. I have 17 months AF, minus 3 days in August. I normally have my emotions in check just fine and I don't let things like that bother me, but this totally came out of left field.

Well, yeah, that really sucks!! I can imagine that is really hard to let go of. I wonder why he won't talk about it (of course aside from the fact that he's male and they generally just won't talk)? I guess what I might do is try calmly saying something like "I want to let you know that I was really hurt when you questioned me twice about whether I had been drinking. I'm wondering what was happening that caused you to question me in the first place, and also why you did not want to accept my answer... " Although I imagine you have already tried that?

Sounds like now he thinks he can use "have you been drinking?" as a bit of a slam, sort of like the standard "are you on your period?" deal that some guys like to use?

Ick.

wip

[akmom]

AF Army 4th October

Oh WIP thank you! At least I know that I handled it right at the time, I didn't go out and drink because of it, and I still am here. Thank god for you all, you are the last thing I see before I go to bed, and the first thing I see when I get up. Since I am the last time zone on the boards before the international date line, I always see the new Army thread before I go to bed and it gives me a boost to see that somewhere in the world it's a new day and I will be there when I wake up.

[akmom]

AF Army 4th October

So I scared everybody off...well...

[Guest]

AF Army 4th October

sounds to me he was in a pissy mood and wanted to say something he knew would get to you, you are not just doing this to prove something to him im sure , you are doing this for you and you are doing GREAT!

[Guest]

AF Army 4th October

I was thinking earlier that my main trigger is boredom and that is a very , very lazy way to pass the time ...sat is a big trigger day for me but im just going to have to put on my thinking cap and keep busy , or stay on here all day!

[Guest]

AF Army 4th October

love the moves Sea...singles night eh?

[akmom]

AF Army 4th October

Limers, you wrote that you were going to do a bakeoff....anything in particular?