Doubting my belief in..........the silver lining.

[Starlight Impress Forever]

Oh well........here goes........sorry, but am only telling it like it is for me right now.

I like to think I mostly have a positive outlook in life.......am always laughing and joking as I repeatedly trill off the old cliche that "every cloud has a silver lining", `cos.........that is what I believe, or did believe anyway........am now wondering if I was actually talking crap all the times I`ve said that.

Some of you may think I`m ungrateful for saying what`s coming next, but........say it I must, as this is just how I feel tonight. Back in my drink-filled days.........I truly believed that sobriety was everything..........if only I could become sober.........life would be wonderful, right?? Well..........LMAO........NOT!!!!

The absolute truth is that sobriety in itself isn`t much of anything at all, and it certainly isn`t wonderful in itself.

So.........I`ve said what I felt compelled to say this night. I know how many of you would give your eye teeth for sobriety and so I must ask myself........"Am I ungrateful, then?" Undoubtedly, I am ungrateful for feeling as I do this night........sorry, but at least I`m honest.

Am just f***ing fed up of it all, bored and stuck in a rut, I suppose............I want some fun and lightness of heart!!!! Is that really too much to ask???!!!!

Darling x

[A Work in Progress]

Doubting my belief in..........the silver lining.

Ahh, yes. I've been there! I felt just like that... just before I started drinking again... after being sober for 3 years, or a year... It's one of the alcoholic mind's best tricks... It tells you: "hey, this isn't all that wonderful, life is still hard, might as well have a drink along the way!"

If you allow yourself to start thinking that life should be great, or you should be feeling good all the time, because of the absence of alcohol... then you have really set yourself up to drink!

Taking away the alcohol is only a step along the path to a good and meaningful life! The subsequent steps require just as much work as did the stopping drinking... sad to say, I suppose, but true! And if you take those steps, the rewards will come. Along with heartache, and boredom, sometimes.

wip

[Starlight Impress Forever]

Doubting my belief in..........the silver lining.

My feet feel as if they`re submerged in concrete that is just about to set, WIP.........

[A Work in Progress]

Doubting my belief in..........the silver lining.

That sure does sound like significant depression Darling... how long have you been feeling like that?

[A Work in Progress]

Doubting my belief in..........the silver lining.

What if "every cloud" does NOT have a "silver lining"? Do we not have a moral obligation to keep going, anyway? To do our best to create meaningful lives, and make contributions, even have fun, when we can?

I have never really believed the silver lining thing... but I do believe that human beings are built for endurance and for overcoming obstacles, and for finding and making meaning even when things seem random and meaningless... And that these crappy feelings are transitory, and if we don't take them too seriously, and if we don't act on them in ways that make things even worse, that things will begin to look better.

wip

[Starlight Impress Forever]

Doubting my belief in..........the silver lining.

Thanks WIP, Gia..........I know I`m wallowing in self-pity right now, and I know that doing so is a complete and utter waste of time.

I`m prepared to work my arse off to get where I want to go in life. I just feel that I`ve been adrift this past while.........can`t seem to find my direction.........seems to be 2 steps forward and 3 miles back............

[Evie.Lou]

Doubting my belief in..........the silver lining.

Dear Darling, to get Sober, to me has been much more than putting down the alcohol.That was step one.Then I had to become self responsible for what kind of life that I wanted to create and design a plan on how to live a sober life.It hasn't been easy.My drinking had done alot of damage, not just to me, but to those who love me.My recovery has been a journey of self awareness.I had to decide what i wanted in my life and then take little steps toward that every day.Alcohol had me trapped and I had a knee jerk reaction of fight, flight or freeze.I look back now and I can see that I choose FREEZE.It wasn't until I made a plan for my future that I was able to begin to UNFREEZE and start my journey forward.My life today is a result of the plan that i made then and it is getting Happier and Healthier.I know that it can be that way for you if you take steps towards what you do want and not look back at what you don't.

[Starlight Impress Forever]

Doubting my belief in..........the silver lining.

I so needed to read what you`ve just posted, evie. Thanks.

[lushy]

Doubting my belief in..........the silver lining.

I appreciate your honesty Star and am sorry you are having such a rough time of it. I think getting sober is much like thinking if you lose weight or you get a raise at work that everything will be rosy. Then you get there and realize you still have the same issues you did when you started.

I hope you will not give into the drink because it will just exacerbate this situation and make you feel worse. Do you feel like you are clinically depressed and perhaps could talk to you doctor about it? If it helps I want you to know what an incredible inspiration you are me. I hope you start feeling better soon.

[tlrgs]

Doubting my belief in..........the silver lining.

life will always have its ups and downs .....but it all how you look at it ...dont let what you have done so far go to waste ...keep on going and make the best of what you have ....if you are looking for more... find it write it all down... make a list ..

[A Work in Progress]

Doubting my belief in..........the silver lining.

lushy;433177 wrote: I think getting sober is much like thinking if you lose weight or you get a raise at work that everything will be rosy. Then you get there and realize you still have the same issues you did when you started.

Ditto what Lushy said! And/But also: wondering whether or not this is more than "blahs"? Have you been feeling this way for a while?

wip

[Chief]

Doubting my belief in..........the silver lining.

Sorry you're feeling down today, Star.....

I'm thinking of you.....maybe we can chat later....:l

Don

[AAthlete]

Doubting my belief in..........the silver lining.

Darling, thanks for the honest post - it is hard to admit that even though sober we are still not where we want to be.

Back when I was drinking I was a selfish, self-centered person who thought first and foremost about myself. Sure, I would do things with/for my family, but when I did it there was always something in it for me. Surprise, surprise that when I quit on my own I was still the same selfish, self-centered jerk - I just wasn't drinking anymore.

My point is, you have to undergo a fundamental psychic change along with quitting drinking. Whether it be a new self-awareness as Evie states, or a spiritual change like I went through, there needs to be a change in the way that we view our lives and the lives of those around us so that we can start putting the welfare of others above our own needs.

I am sometimes better at preaching then I am practicing, but I can say that I am much more at ease with everything around me and think of others a hell of a lot more know then I did in the past. But you know what, I need to practice that type of thing (thinking and doing things for others) as much as I can because at any time and at any place I can go back to where I use to be - it only takes one drink.

In the AA Big Book, it says that we work the steps so that we are mentally prepared for 'the CERTAIN trials and tribulations that are going to happen in our lives.' In other words, ALL OF US are going to have times in our lives where we feel exactly like you do, Darling. The key to getting through it sober is to have a plan in place, and then work that plan in your everyday life.

Think about it for a second; doesn't it feel awesome to help someone out here who is struggling, or to get a kiss from you spouse for doing something nice for them, or tucking your child in at night for bed and talking about the game of catch you played? There are so many things that we overlook every single day because we are so busy we don't see them. If we slow down and put some thought into helping others, we can be amazed at what gifts we truly have in our lives.

[hart]

Doubting my belief in..........the silver lining.

Okay girlfriend.

I noticed for a while you seem to be in this stage. Okay, so what are you going to do about it? You poo pooed the idea of going back to college. We talked about your finding a job with OJT. What are you doing toward this end?

What about an interest/apptitude survey? They have such things in the States at local colleges, I don't know about Scottland but I bet there are some online. Why don't you take one for the heck of it and see where your talent/interest lies?

You are a smart, personable, charming woman who I think can do anything you set your mind too, so set your mind to something~!

What if your daughter was asking where to go from getting her diploma, certs, whatever you all call it? What advice would you have for her? And don't tell me about being too old for anything or I am going to have to come over there and kick your butt!

:l

[hippie37]

Doubting my belief in..........the silver lining.

AAthlete;433219 wrote: Darling, thanks for the honest post - it is hard to admit that even though sober we are still not where we want to be.

Back when I was drinking I was a selfish, self-centered person who thought first and foremost about myself. Sure, I would do things with/for my family, but when I did it there was always something in it for me. Surprise, surprise that when I quit on my own I was still the same selfish, self-centered jerk - I just wasn't drinking anymore.

My point is, you have to undergo a fundamental psychic change along with quitting drinking. Whether it be a new self-awareness as Evie states, or a spiritual change like I went through, there needs to be a change in the way that we view our lives and the lives of those around us so that we can start putting the welfare of others above our own needs.

I am sometimes better at preaching then I am practicing, but I can say that I am much more at ease with everything around me and think of others a hell of a lot more know then I did in the past. But you know what, I need to practice that type of thing (thinking and doing things for others) as much as I can because at any time and at any place I can go back to where I use to be - it only takes one drink.

In the AA Big Book, it says that we work the steps so that we are mentally prepared for 'the CERTAIN trials and tribulations that are going to happen in our lives.' In other words, ALL OF US are going to have times in our lives where we feel exactly like you do, Darling. The key to getting through it sober is to have a plan in place, and then work that plan in your everyday life.

Think about it for a second; doesn't it feel awesome to help someone out here who is struggling, or to get a kiss from you spouse for doing something nice for them, or tucking your child in at night for bed and talking about the game of catch you played? There are so many things that we overlook every single day because we are so busy we don't see them. If we slow down and put some thought into helping others, we can be amazed at what gifts we truly have in our lives.

Everything he said!

My god AA you have such a powerful way with words my friend. It's amazing that you have spoken to darling but your words have effected ME so much too.

Star...........................................I don't know what to say........for once in my life I am bewildered.........Seriously. AA has got me thinking too.

Love and Happiness to you my friend
Hippie
xx