Doubting my belief in..........the silver lining.

[nancy]

Doubting my belief in..........the silver lining.

Well seems like you got a lot of good advice here Starlight aka Darling.

I think it's true with most things we pursue that once we get what we want, we are still unhappy we want something else. The Buddhists talk about this grasping nature of people a lot.

For me, well, I don't think it's always a bad thing. Don't feel guilty about it. I think we should be moving on and set new objectives once we achieve a goal. Maybe there are professional things you want to be doing and this uneasiness is a reminder that you need to move on it as Hart suggests. Or maybe you feel lonely. Those things can cause a lot of angst. And no doubt the weather where you are is horrible right now!

Sometimes the answer is to change your life.

I think what WIP is suggesting is that you might have some underlying depression. WIP wasn't around for your roller coaster of a ride with SSRIs. But maybe she is onto something there and you can send her a PM for some ideas.

Nancy

PS to AAthlete, your posts are always so wise and thoughtful, but sometimes I think you are way too hard on yourself.

PSS I also am not a believer in the silver lining. I think we can make the best of bad situations or learn how to get out of them.

[Mackeral]

Doubting my belief in..........the silver lining.

AA i agree...That is a fantastic post..Very honest aswell..I wonder what i'll be like when i'm sober..Reading that post is what i needed to hear right now..

Good work Fella

[Elizabeth]

Doubting my belief in..........the silver lining.

Evie, 1toomany, AA, infact all of your contributions here are so enlightening. I'm in freeze too, so dam confused I'm not going anywhere but this valuable thread has given me thought. Just woke up (its the middle of the night here) after having a night mare about attending my own cremation.... couldn't wake up and escape it. Life is so f***king weird!

[Helpwanted08]

Doubting my belief in..........the silver lining.

WOW, I am in awe. You all are so talented with your words and such wonderful advice. I can't even think of anything to ad except I will keep you in my prayers. This site is so filled with awesome, caring people it is just amazing.
Help

[vera-b]

Doubting my belief in..........the silver lining.

Ok, I'm going to start an AA (as in AAthlete) fan club. That was perhaps the best post I've ever read. WIP laid out some wonderful thoughts as well, and Miss Evielou with her spiritual journey. I think old Miss Vera is going to get her butt into bed so that I can get up refreshed in the morning and go on my morning walk with AA's words to ponder. The old booze is probably our biggest obstacle to discovering our whole, healthy, vibrant life - but perhaps some have spent too much time gazing at the obstacle and forgetting about the journey. Darling, you've been given some wonderful thoughts here. Thanks for opening the floodgates to such profound thought.

Vera-b

[Riker]

Doubting my belief in..........the silver lining.

You were there for us

Starlight / Darling,

A few years ago, when I was starting out on this great forum... you were one of the most inspirational and helpful person on here. Your words of wisdom and encouragement ment a great deal to me and to many others that were starting out in that time period.

Please.. don't give up.. don't give in.. You were / are my Star Light ! I'm sorry to put you so high up on that pedestral, but you truly deserve to be there. You have helped me and so many others with your words of wisdom. I have not posted in almost a year...but tonight I post because it's you. That's the impact you have had on me and many others here.

Your words have always found a way to reach deep and with hope to me.

Take care Starlight, my thoughts are with you always,

Riker

[slater64]

Doubting my belief in..........the silver lining.

I feel your pain Darling, thats how I feel when I have been AF for a while. I thought I would feel great but I wasn't, I was missing the fun and light heartedness or thats what I thought. I would start drinking again and things would be good for awhile and then all of a sudden I would do something so stupid like driving after too many or missing work because of a hangover. I am 2 days AF now and I know that will be my biggest obstacle, finding the fun and light heartedness without the alcohol. I wish you well and applaud you for your honesty.
Slater

[Boss.man]

Doubting my belief in..........the silver lining.

nancy;433410 wrote: I think what WIP is suggesting is that you might have some underlying depression. WIP wasn't around for your roller coaster of a ride with SSRIs. But maybe she is onto something there and you can send her a PM for some ideas.

Nancy hit a button here. I did Zoloft back in 2002. It threw me into a total loop, and I had to get off them. For others, SSRI is a Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor, and is intended to gently raise the serotonin in your brain. For some reason, they become a huge crutch, and to miss even one pill gives you an almost bipolar or manic-depressive reaction that can last days.

That's why I won't touch topo as advised by MWO because any mention of serotonin and daily pills just gets me running in the opposite direction. I hear Topo is fine for others, and I've been using Kudzu which I can FEEL is doing a lot of serotonin mediation.

I don't recall the time between when I got off of Zoloft, and I got over the depression they predict when you do it. I remember clearly feeling that the depression from the pills was 3 times worse, and 3 times longer than the depression the pills were supposed to fix; STUPID DOCTOR!

Depression? A chemical imbalance of the serotonin system. Solution: build serotonin. Not easy to do. Eat good. I've one book that says eat complex carbs (an Oatmeal cookie) in mid-afternoon, with no protein or with it (no milk, eggs, meat or cheese). Keep your meals filled with healthy carbs. Chocolate builds serotonin. So do repetitive tasks like knitting, and puzzles. Take walks, smell flowers, pet dogs along the way. Counting blessings builds serotonin. All small steps to help.

Not sure if this is even relevant. Just my experience and opinions.

[happydog]

Doubting my belief in..........the silver lining.

[QUOTE=Darling;433130]Oh well........here goes........sorry, but am only telling it like it is for me right now.


The absolute truth is that sobriety in itself isn`t much of anything at all, and it certainly isn`t wonderful in itself.

:l

Hi Darling/ starlight,
I admire your honest post and your not talking crap......you have always been my inspiration and even more so today.
There is a lot of GOOD post here and i am learning from it myself.... Maybe sobtiety isn't much of anything or is not wonderful in itself, ( I believe we have to still keep on working at it!) but i think if you was drinking all those thinks would be NOTHING.......
like boss.man said in his post about depression: eating well does play a big part, and also some form of exercise.
i wish i could say more to help you.....I hope today is a better day for you.x

Take lots of care.

Love
Teardrop.x

[momof3]

Doubting my belief in..........the silver lining.

Best piece of advice that I got from this site when I was feeling exactly the way that you are now is...(and I'm paraphrasing), you can't just go on with your life the way it was after you remove the alcohol. You need to start looking at what you're going to replace alcohol with. I've done this by setting goals, thinking about what I want out of life, experimenting with different forms of exercise, etc.

I think freedom from AL also gives us the opportunity to give to others, slow down, and look at the beauty in life. This is easy to overlook when we are focused on AL.

Also, I agree with WIP...when I start feeling this way (i.e., feeling in a rut, romanticizing AL), I know I better be extra vigilant because it means that I am vulnerable to AL and could easily slip.

mo3

[Larisa]

Doubting my belief in..........the silver lining.

Darling,

Thank you so much for your honest post. I think I'm in a similar spot, and it's so nice to know I'm not the only one feeling this way - after so many years of trying to get sober, what now? Doggygirl posted this the other day, and it got to me:

When I started this journey, just "not drinking" was a major ordeal each day, and success at "not drinking" was to be highly celebrated. It was difficult, and it was a big deal. Somewhere around the 90 day mark or so, "not drinking" didn't feel as satisfying any more. I felt like "there must be more to life than this!" The SMART program encourages people to explore what they call Vital Absorbing Creative Interests (VACI - they love their acronyms!). I believe that part of the program is meant for exactly this time period - when you reach a point where "just not drinking" is no longer highly gratifying. I think the theory is that we must move on to other things that ARE interesting and rewarding otherwise the risk is higher that we go back to drinking. I believe that might be true for me anyway!

(Back to me now): I don't have anything wise to say, just thanks for bringing this up. I know if I don't figure this out, I'm going to go back where I was, and I don't want to, I so do not want to.

On a lighter note, I thought it might be a good step to go work at a soup kitchen last weekend. The homeless folks were great - the crazy-ass church group I was working with - oy!! Ha!!

[A Work in Progress]

Doubting my belief in..........the silver lining.

Hey Laritha! Where you been? Good to see you!!

Yeah, volunteering in soup kitchens is GREAT; I love the Catholic Worker houses, have spent some time with those folks, should think about doing that, again! Anything that gets us out of ourselves, anything that gets us out of the mental mischief that gets cooked up in our alcoholic minds... is wonderful.

wip

[Chief]

Doubting my belief in..........the silver lining.

Star......how about checking in with us?.....:l

Don

[Larisa]

Doubting my belief in..........the silver lining.

Hey, WIP! Been lurkin' around in the shadowth. The soup kitchen was wild - when they ran out of stuff, they grabbed other stuff and improvised: "No more tuna salad. Now we got turkey surprise!" I think I'll go back too. Thoup kitchenth rawk!

Thought about attempting indoor rock climbing for my next attempt at avoiding drinking. Man, they charge a lot of money to let you climb around on their fake rocks!! So much easier to just sit there...and sit there...and sit there...and think about how much more pleasant it would be to sit there with a buzz on...I think about a video I saw of Craig Ferguson telling his recovery story, saying you have to be VIGILANT forever. It's exhausting being a friggin drunk.

[Starlight Impress Forever]

Doubting my belief in..........the silver lining.

Hello to all my dear, sweet friends.

First off, I`d like to start by thanking RJ most sincerely for granting me the change of username........is half past midnight........first I`ve had a chance to log on........I requested a change of username several days ago........to log on just now and find my new username has been approved is like a good omen to me..........much of a shining light, telling me that I`m going to be O.K.

It is very timely, as I`m feeling better now........thanks to all of you, who care about what happens to me in this life, just as I care about all of you. Many of you will know that I first found MWO in March 2007, (although I didn`t quit drinking until the middle of August) when I was known as Starlight Impress.........many of you who knew me from that time still address me as "Star" and call me "Star" in chat..........I feel it`s fitting to officially be Star again..........that personna holds a very dear place in my heart.........Star started out very broken, but I realise tonight just how far I have come and that I may well have "superglued" some of the cracks, but I have yet to find some of the missing pieces..........I feel confident that I can do that now, with a combination of my own resolve and the love of you. Yes, I am a long time sober, but I lay no claims to being any kind of "expert" on alcohol recovery..........I am just yet another ordinary woman who is muddling through and striving to do her level best.

You are not merely usernames to me.........you are real people, with real emotions who wholeheartedly understand me and the tragedy of alcoholism, just as I totally "get" you and our common affliction. Those in life who could never possibly understand us and the devastation alcoholism inflicts upon our lives and the lives of our loved ones........well, I daresay those people think this "only" a website..........yet another testimony as to how they just don`t "get" us. MWO is not just a website to me........I consider fate allowed me to stumble across it.........it was simply meant to be for me..........we reach out to each other across the globe..........me sitting here in Glasgow and you.........wherever you may be..........united in our despairs and joys. MWO is as real as it gets.

I felt very emotional last night on reading some of your posts.........they touched me so deeply and yet again showed me just how much you truly care. Your words lifted my spirits and made me realise that yes, I do have huge problems in my life at this time, but I am far from beaten. I also appreciate that there are many of you with far greater problems than I. I was allowing things to overwhelm me and had tumbled into a well of despair.........you came to my rescue last night when I needed it most, and there are no words good enough to express my gratitude..........please just know that I think the world of you all.

I am feeling better.........with your help, I have rescued myself again. I now acknowledge that I am a strong and capable woman and that from here on in, I have to make a plan to turn my life around.........I have already made a start on my plan today and will update you as things transpire. Admittedly I am a little disappointed in sobriety.........it`s not enough for me to be sober.........I need to be truly happy and fulfilled, but instead of expecting all of that to effortlessly fall into my lap........I now accept that I alone am responsible for my own happiness..........I know it`s "out there" somewhere and I`m now in hot pursuit!!!:H

Did the "f*** it.......I may as well drink" thought pop up in my head at all ?.........well, of course it did, but I know I have truly made progress, as no sooner had that thought came into my head than the reply also popped up in my head, which was, "Drink???!!!!.........no chance, `cos..........what good would that do??!!!"

I`m sorry for the long post, but it`s been an emotional couple of days and I really felt that I wanted to speak to you all from the heart.

Overcoming an alcohol addiction is never easy, but, forget the "silver lining"........I truly believe that by sticking together and lifting each other up as the need arises..........our dreams WILL come true.

All my love,

Star xxx