The talk again

[twinsmommy]

So this morning I asked my dh what he wanted me to do. I suggested Lenair b/c it would only be a week away. He was not nice and said he didn't know and he couldn't do anything to help me. ( he was just mad I understand) After I borught te kids to school he said he is willing to talk about things but morning when everyone is nuts is bad time. i get that. So he wants to talk tonight. Ok so here is what's up. I need help we all know that. I of course hate his talks and questiosns and avoided it last time but aside from that what are the options? After all I asked him if he could take care of the kids today ( b/c I was feeling sorry for myself ) he said noway I have a meeting. He was till here when I got back BTW. Anyway, I can't go to rehab b/c he can't handle the kids alone. Lenair maybe if he takes some time off. AA nope he gets pissed that I have to go 7 days and he has to take care of the kids very night. meds ok well I am working on that. So what do I telll him? Let's hope it works this time 'cause it's the only option? Oh BTW that whole Alanon and counseling thing he was ganna do... never happened.

[AAthlete]

The talk again

Wait, so he wants you sober but only wants it if it works around his schedule? This needs to be a team effort so talk to him and let him know you need his help...

Something is going to have to give - you got your bases covered but he is going to have to work with you to make it happen. Is it possible to go to AA a couple of times a week, or on weekend mornings (or both)?

[twinsmommy]

The talk again

The way my job is going now I could probably go to some noon meetings and weekend mornings. But unfotunately things have always had to be on his terms. Sucks. A LOT.

[hart]

The talk again

(((Twins)))

What about getting another person to sit with the kids a couple of times a week? You don't have to tell them why if you don't want, or just tell them you have some meetings to attend. If your husband wants to see you fight this he has to meet you part way.

[bloggy]

The talk again

I think you should decide what route you wish to take and just do it.

Don't consult him- for what- to get a knock back? Find a sitter and arrange things with her- if he complains, I would tell him in no certain terms why he is not included in your arrangements.

Hey- this is your LIFE we are talking about.

[gyco]

The talk again

ive said this b4 ouch,you are between a rock and a hard spot,the hard being your other half,my dear this is not about him,if you cant get to meetings go to AA online tell him and i mean tell him you need to be on the computor for a while,and you decide when you have had enuff of the online stuff,it mite make you feel better,but the best thing about the online you can take what you need and turn the rest OFF,sorry for the pun,to bad you couldnt hut your other half off the same way,i hope this helps you, gyco,

[Beaches]

The talk again

I agree that he is giving you a double standard. He's pissed when you drink too much and pissed when you give him ideas of how to help yourself and get better. This seems like a no win situation if you allow it to be. Figure out what does work I hope that you have friends that would help you out during the week if you needed them.

[A Work in Progress]

The talk again

Good advice here! And when you DO go to an AA meeting, you will meet people locally who can help you do some problem-solving about how you can get the kids taken care of AND continue getting the help you need.

wip

[lukalee]

The talk again

I didn't read through the posts, but do what you need to do. Those are his kids too. If he cannot accept that, then I say adios.

[brittzak]

The talk again

I havent read through all the posts either, but I did go to Lenair....WASTE OF MONEY for me. I am sober, but I was sober 8 motnhs last year too...WHY??? I worked MWO program. Sobriety is in YOU...there is no magic...GOD knows I wish there were. I dont post anymore here but felt an obligation to share with you. I so wanted Lenair to work, but I have craved like ALWAYS after the first 42 days home................NOT WORTH 3200.00..PLUS the other travel expenses. Sobriety is in YOU....and YOU only...

[A Work in Progress]

The talk again

brittzak;434526 wrote: I havent read through all the posts either, but I did go to Lenair....WASTE OF MONEY for me. I am sober, but I was sober 8 motnhs last year too...WHY??? I worked MWO program. Sobriety is in YOU...there is no magic...GOD knows I wish there were. I dont post anymore here but felt an obligation to share with you. I so wanted Lenair to work, but I have craved like ALWAYS after the first 42 days home................NOT WORTH 3200.00..PLUS the other travel expenses. Sobriety is in YOU....and YOU only...

Ditto what Brittzak said. This is something that you can do when you want to, badly enough; and when you want to do this badly enough, MWO will help you, AA will help you, heck maybe even this Lenair person would help you... but please don't put your faith and hope in something or someone "out there," something that is outside your own reach. If you do that, you will only have excuses about how you wish you could get sober, but you can't because your husband won't let you go to Lenair, or he won't watch the kids, or whatever.

best wishes,

wip

[AAthlete]

The talk again

WIP is spot on. This is your journey and therefore something you need to do yourself (and it needs to be for you - not the kids; not your husband).

Success is possible - just look at the determination you are showing right now. You've gone from I can't do this to I'm going to do this - that sure seems like the start of 'change' to me.

[Cinders]

The talk again

TM,

I just wanted to add a little something here. I do not know you or your husband so I can only speak of things I have observed in others.

Your hubby not supporting you in your efforts is a little telling to me. Is it possible that deep down inside he might be afraid of you getting sober? He has a good control over you while you are drinking.

I am most certainly not saying he is doing is consciously or in a mean way but in an unconscious way?

You simply cannot let him dictate what you can do. You must do what you must in order to get sober. That is your number one priority right now. It will be forever. Bear (a dear friend on here who is no longer with us) used to say that without his sobriety, he did not have his family, job and eventually would not have his life anyway. Sobriety has to be our number one priority.

You are sounding much stronger and ready to take this on. Do whatever you have to do to get and stay sober.

Much love,
Cindi

[jane jane]

The talk again

Best of luck, TMommy. Your husband sounds pretty unhelpful. Maybe on some subtle (or not-so-subtle) level he wants you to fail?

[LVT25]

The talk again

Maybe put the pros and cons to all of your options on paper. Have you explored any of the rehab options in your area? I have a friend that goes to intense out-patient treatment and it's working for him. I would think some would offer some kind of child care. I would think that if you can discuss this rationally with hubby, he will come around to the idea that he has to do his part, and that watching the kids while you go to AA or whatever is in EVERYONE's best interest. Hang in there!!:h