The talk again

[Waiting for his way out]

The talk again

Or he is just fed-up with empty promises from the past? He may not believe what you have to say anymore. There is a point when promises become meaningless to the families dealing with alcoholic behavior.
You need to find a way to communicate to him you are serious today. Ask him to give you a few days to get things in line and to show him you mean it.
Good luck

[twinsmommy]

The talk again

Good morning all. Thanks for all your kind/encouraging words. We talked a little last night. he stared with the quiestions and said he had to know. I guess he is sort of right but I get embarrased and told him not to ask b/c I felt he was just tryiing to satisfy his own curiosty. (re: the drinking behind his back.) Anyway, loooong story short I told him I was going to do my best with this and try to do some meetings on my time because I believe he will be supportive of me about as much as he believes I will stop drinking. So here I am guys. And I am glad to be here. Glad I have your support.
Now I am going to go pur myself a nice tall glass of WATER!!!
:thanks:
TM

[gettingthere]

The talk again

:thumbs:Good for your TM!
Water sounds good right now! I think I might do the same.

My husband cornered me at bedtime last night and asked "So, how is your chemical dependency problem?" My stomach just ached at that moment. In hopes I could get him to drop the subject, I replied "Just fine, thanks!". But then he bombarded me with question after question. Just like you said, I don't think he was asking to help, he just wants to satisfy his curiosity and know what the hell I am doing. He never asked what I am going to do about it, not that I wanted him too, but I wondered if that meant he doesn't really care if I get better or not.
Fortunately, I am back on AB to stay and don't have to worry about 'talks' in the near future. I just don't want him to think "Oh, I must have really said something that made her think and change her ways" and pat himself on the back. I am totally doing this for me and my kids NOT HIM. He is clueless and I made this decision to get better before his talk. I know this sounds harsh.

Anyway, about 10 minutes after he shut up, out of nowhere in a Mike Brady-like voice he says "You know, this problem you have affects the whole family, not just you".

Wow!!!! How prefound!! I just wanted so bad to say "NO SHIT SHERLOCK!"

I just rolled over and finally went to sleep.

Good luck TM, let me know if there is anyway I can help.:rockon:

[Waiting for his way out]

The talk again

He probably does not know how to tell you how much he is in pain (it took me 3 years to let my husband know.) When he uses "family" he most likely means HIM. There is no real way to fully understand each other, but giving each other credit for the good things that are happening is the best way to stay connected. Next time he asks, (maybe) just say thank you for asking, I appreciate your concern and I am sorry for the pain. I am working on making things better for the "family" . I hope this helps.

[jane jane]

The talk again

Oh, goodness, this is so hard, isn't it? I like to think that any spouse isn't grilling to "satisfy his/her curiosity"---what a sad thing to imagine.

I know that when my husband has "grilled," he is worried about ME. Okay, maybe worried about our happy home-life equilibrium too, but really, mostly about ME. I honestly believe that. If you think your spouses have only their OWN interests at heart, then, well, there's more wrong than alcohol in your relationships, I'd surmise.

My husband grew up with high-functioning alcoholic parents, so my over-tippling never bothered him as long as I was awake when he came home from work, had a nice supper prepared, got the girls to/from school, dance classes, sports events, and didn't strip naked and put on a lampshade at parties! Check check check---no problem! Pass the pinot, please. So I really have had a lot of leeway over the years of our marriage.

If he ever got sterner, meaner, more tough-love-y I'd---well, I don't know. Either I'd go AF forever, or just get more creative about concealing the bottles.

[Evie.Lou]

The talk again

The MWO program can work for you if you read it and devise a plan of sobriety from it...It worked for me once I started working it...