So much more than 'just' sobriety...

[jinja]

As I have stepped away from 'rock bottom' and all of the shame, anger and self-pity that was my constant companion, the awareness of what I have been hiding from has emerged. Ignorance is bliss! The legacy of what we become during our travels through this life are left to our children. Surely, to be the best we can be - be it lover, parent, or friend - has to be achieved by acknowledging the wounds or bitterness of our experiences.


I am shattered by the realisation of what I have become - the pattern of my behaviour in relationships and relationships chosen, so startlingly clear that I can't believe that I have been so blind. I don't know how to start to breakdown the walls of my 'fortress' - the selfimpossed protection that is a detatchment from true emoton.

How can you make your soul whole again? Is it easier to 'patch up' the infection or amputate and carry on? To change what you have always believed is the true essence of your being? Yes, I admit that I'm a mighty slow learner!! Lol!

Take care
x x x

[Cheech66]

So much more than 'just' sobriety...

WOW,

Beautifully put however as the days go by (ODAT) you will find the way to beat the monster bozze and then once you get threw that then you will find it easier to heal!!?? The cloud has to be lifted and that takes time one step at a time you have to learn to walk before you can run good luck this is a great place to start keep posting lots of support here.

[Waiting for his way out]

So much more than 'just' sobriety...

To recognize and remember our mistakes is the only way to improve ourselves.

[AAthlete]

So much more than 'just' sobriety...

Jinja, one of the things that I learned in my meetings was that "we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it" - meaning that we accept our life 'as it is' and not how we wish it would be.

When we do that, we are able to open that door and truly learn from our past because we accept those mistakes as mistakes that were made when drinking. We give up the guilt that we have and can use it to guide our sober actions in a more positive way.

You make your soul whole one single day at a time. Do not be shattered by what you have become, instead acknowledge that person and then let them go. Start slowly in showing your emotions but try to always keep growing. If nothing else simply post here when you are feeling a certain way (good, bad or otherwise) - just getting it out is half the battle.

You sound like you are doing so well right now - you should be proud of how far you've come and be looking forward to the future.

[Cinders]

So much more than 'just' sobriety...

Jinja,

I want to echo what AA has said. It is important to remember our mistakes but letting ourselves feel guilty will only lead back to drinking. It always does.

Part of the AA premise is that we acknowledge we are alcoholics, we atone for our mistakes whenever possible, and we live our future free of guilt but always remembering it is good to acknowledge our mistakes and grow spiritually in learning how to quit making them.

Life sober is not always easy but it sure is better than life drunk.

Love,
Cindi

[Waiting for his way out]

So much more than 'just' sobriety...

For weeks my husband told me " I am so sorry" everytime he got drunk. Finally one day, I told him to stop telling me he is sorry and to show me instead. He has been drinking less since. I don't want to take credit for his accomplishments, just would like to think it may have helped.. just a little.

[jinja]

So much more than 'just' sobriety...

Apologies if I have misled. Thanks to all replies!! Truel!!. I'm stilted as I'm on my phone!! Mr J doesn't like me here!

It's more that the recognition of patterns beyond drinking. Yes, the destructive, yet unacknowledged history that can lead to where we are now. Always believed I was a product of an automatic understanding of myself - but now know that it goes further.

Take care
xxx

[Evie.Lou]

So much more than 'just' sobriety...

You can have a healthy, happy future.Coming to this site is a great start.Recovery is a journey and the longer you are without alcohol the clearer your vision gets about how to rebuild your life.When alcohol isn't in control of you anymore, you will see the real you beginning to reamerge..Your shattered self will begin to feel whole again.There is a whole new world just waiting for you.it is the world of SOBER LIVING .

[Larisa]

So much more than 'just' sobriety...

Jinja,

I'm very interested in what you are saying. Would you mind elaborating a little bit more? I am just beginning to think past not drinking, and I would love to understand your thoughts. Thank you!

[jinja]

So much more than 'just' sobriety...

Sorry that I'm not making myself clear, I'm quite new to this introspection! No loquatious solilaqhuies from me today! Ha, ha.

I don't want this to be a whole "woe is me", but here is an example. Not the most profound, but early enough to have influenced the shape of the future. I went to boarding school when I was 9. It was explained that it was the only way to secure a suitable education, this I accepted but didn't like. The results of this choice had conciderable impact, one of which is an inability to give myself over to another's care. Too independent and isolating, by far. I had never been to school before this - home schooled by mum, so she was my world! The change from a secure, loving home to travelling halfway across the world on my own into an existance where everything was ordered by a bell and where you knew what day it is by what's for breakfast - scrambled eggs on Thursdays etc.

My eldest daughter is less than a year younger than I was then. The very idea is overwhelming - I can't imagine anything more destructive on her psyche.

The "dominoe effect" of many such experiences make us who we are and the choices we make reflect this. I have walked away from every relationship that I have had - I have wanted to walk from my marriage twice. Why? Just to repeat the same errors?

The "chioce" to hide in a bottle was one example of employing a safety valve. You don't hurt when you're numb. That isn't an option now! So - how do you go about 'feeling' and stepping away from emotional habits. I don't really know if I want to trust and rely on someone else, but to be the best I can be is this what I must do?

Take care
xxx

[Larisa]

So much more than 'just' sobriety...

Thanks so much, Jinja. I think I know what you're talking about. There is nobody outside of MWO who knows the truth about my drinking/sobriety (i.e., I did not get sober in AA, I have not been sober for over a year, I got sober on MWO 4 months ago with the help of experimental drugs!), and I don't trust anyone enough to tell them. It feels much safer keeping my secrets and my emotions to myself.

And, like you, I learned that a long time ago. I guess we need to unlearn that now, huh? I am sure that this issue has kept me and many others in the bottle. Thanks for sharing your experience with me - no wonder you're hesitant to let that wall down.

BTW, I love your quote. I say that to myself sometimes when things aren't exactly as I would want them to be.

[A Work in Progress]

So much more than 'just' sobriety...

The "chioce" to hide in a bottle was one example of employing a safety valve. You don't hurt when you're numb. That isn't an option now! So - how do you go about 'feeling' and stepping away from emotional habits. I don't really know if I want to trust and rely on someone else, but to be the best I can be is this what I must do?

Hi Jinja, Larisa. These are my problems, or challenges, too. Very much so. I am terribly self-contained and am not altogether unhappy about that, but recognize that it would be good to have a higher degree of emotional intimacy with one or more other human beings! That's the drawback of MWO, in my own experience; there is certainly a type of closeness here, but it just is not the same, for me, as face-to-face closeness.

As for the need to learn and enhance our capacity to feel and deal with emotions, I have found that meditation and yoga are very, very helpful. I confess I have not gotten back into my yoga practice, but I do teach and practice meditation. The practice, or discipline, of paying attention to physical sensations, thoughts, and emotions, in a non-reactive and compassionate way, is incredibly valuable.

Also I'd recommend the book [ame=http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Alchemy-Mind-Heal-Heart/dp/0609809032/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1223565550&sr= 8-1]Emotional Alchemy[/ame], which beautifully makes the connections between the practice of mindfulness (meditation, and everyday mindfulness practice) and our emotional lives and problematic interpersonal patterns.

wip