bad times

[periwinkle]

I had a really bad day yesterday. I drank several shots of whiskey then got on chat with another member here to cry about it. My hubby doesn?t know (at least I haven?t told him) about the drinking during the day. His complaints appear to be what he ?sees? me drink. I think one of us is going to be surprised if/when I bring it all out in the open.

When I told him I was going to moderate he was very much for it. Even agreed that he would do a 30 day AF with me if that?s what I need (yes, even during football season!). I have ordered the MWO book but it has not yet arrived. I have not committed to anything yet except that I know I need to change my behavior. I can see that hubby is making it a point to follow my direction where AL is concerned. I was AL free on Monday and when football came on I got some tea for myself and asked him if I could get him a beer. He said no that tea would be fine.

Yesterday (Tuesday), after I doused myself in whiskey, I made his favorite Italian dish for dinner last night and put out a nice bottle of red wine and 2 wine glasses. He opened the bottle for us and we shared that with dinner and the first part of the debate (just water when the bottle of wine was gone).

I read Boss.man?s post today and his discussion of the economic conditions. It really struck a chord with me because my business is directly related to the economic conditions - I am a real estate appraiser. I am scared $#!^!&$$ about my future financial security!! I know it?s an excuse, but it has a lot to do with my state of mind these days and a lot to do with why I want to drown myself in booze. It is true there will always be an excuse? there will always be a reason to reach for the bottle... but our economic conditions are real folks! And my economic future, as well as many of yours, is well? frightening!

A ?political aside? from last night?s debate: McCain said that he would renegotiate mortgages - for those who can?t make their payments - to today?s market value. I have to tell you, that would likely help my business in the short term (lenders will need an appraisal to determine today?s market value). But from one business owner in the industry, this will be a terrible solution for our country in the long term and I am totally against it! It might help me but it will not help us!

periwinkle

[Waiting for his way out]

bad times

I will just add this to what you have said... I am a HOME BUILDER... that says it all, I think.
I am glad your husband is on board with you. I don't have a problem with AL, but in my new supporting role, I have not had a glass of wine in weeks. I love a good red wine, but it would not help to drink if I am asking him to stop. I will trade any good wine for the rest of my life if it helps keeping him sober.

[Cinders]

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Waiting,

My hubby likes a good beer once in a great while but he is more than happy to forgo it if it helps me stay sober.

Your hubby and I are both lucky we are married to people who care and support our efforts. You have no idea how much it means.

Love,
Cindi

[periwinkle]

bad times

Thanks both of you!

I am crying as I type this. I could not ask for more support than what I know my wonderful husband will give me. Having friends like I have already found here is absolutely the best!

Waiting, Yes, I do understand where you are coming from with the Home builder job! OMG do I get that!!! You hang in there too!

Periwinkle

[Waiting for his way out]

bad times

I told him I will be looking for that star, named after me, in the sky. LOL
when he is sober he tells me he knows how lucky he is to have me because he would not be alive. Used to drink up to two bottles of Vodka a day.. he is probably right.

[Chief]

bad times

I can relate....I'm a Realtor who has been representing a custom builder here for the past 7 years......things haven't slowed down....they've stopped.

But don't allow The Beast to tell you this is an excuse to drink......on the contrary, it's a great time to get a hold of this thing and think clearly during hard times.....not to mention the money you will save by not drinking.

And I think it's very important to have your spouse's support. My wife doesn't drink because she wouldn't do that in front of me....she could care less whether she drinks or not......

Don

[periwinkle]

bad times

thank you Chief,

I know you are right, no excuse is good enough to tell myself that it's a good reason to drink. I do have the support of my spouse, he's awesome! I am just starting out. I haven't made any commitments yet. I will! I am just getting used to the idea though. It sort of ticks me off that hubby can say "tea is fine" when I so would love to have a marg (or 3). Not rational thinking right?

periwinkle

[kriger]

bad times

Peri,
Yes the economy is going downhill in a handbasket, I guess, but don't you find that your thinking about problems get exaggerated when you are drinking. I am not saying that we are not in a serious spot with our economy right now but we are less emotional and far more rational to face these types of things without the benefit of AL. There is no problem so great that alcohol doesn't make worse. I'm glad your hubby is being supportive; that can make a night and day difference. Mine is being a dreamboat for me, although he will not stop drinking. He is still very much a help to me in this difficult process. Good Luck with your future decisions, Peri.
Kriger

[gyco]

bad times

i have to say,you do have some control,from one drinker to the next,have a glass of wine,but go to the back room and have a blast,at times,my dear,you cant kid a kidder,someone once told me she loves me or you,THEY KNOW,my wife new,and shes gone thro thick and thin with me, and like wise with her,she has her problems,number one is,were not as perfect as we think, i have to keep going back to your thread,he is with you ,and thts a bonus,by your thread you can MOD, or even stop,if you want to,BUT A OT OF TIMES WE DONT WANT TO,WE WERE TOT DRINKING ,EVEN OVER INDULGING WAS OK,dang sorry about the caps,you are very lucky person to have a partner tht will work with you,but you dont,again i say have to tell him,and put yourself in a bad position,work with it,you can do it,oooooops forgot dont stop comin here gyco

[periwinkle]

bad times

Thank you Gyco... I think.
I mean no disrespect, but I have a hard time reading your posts. I believe you mean well. I think you try to abreviate a lot of what you are writing and I get lost in what you are trying to say because I'm trying to figure out the words. (maybe I'm just too midle-aged? ha ha). I think what you said is that my hubby knows more than what I think he knows and that I should be greatful for having his support. If that's what you are saying, I agree. I'm not sure how much he knows. That is what I meant when I said that one of us is going to be surpirsed when/if I spill all the beans. So I don't think I'm denying that, I'm just not quite ready to go there with him yet. And maybe he is wise enough to realize that and he is waiting for my timing? I don't really know.
Believe me, I am greatful to have a spouse who I know will love and support me through the good and the bad.
:l periwinkle

[DeeBee]

bad times

I was amazed at how much my hubby did know about my drinking... I thought I hid it so well especially when he wasn't at home, but he knew!

Like Cindi mentioned, we are very lucky to have our husbands batting for the same team as us. I thank the universe every morning for sending me such a wonderful, understanding and strong man to be by my side.

I also found myself floundering whilst waiting for the book to arrive - I knew I wanted to change but didn't know what steps to take or what goals to put in place, reading the MWO book and posting daily here helped clarify how I was going to achieve my sobriety.

Whishing you all the best on your new journey!

[vertigo]

bad times

Periwinkle,

Your husband sounds like a great guy. I love when you wrote that he said "he'd have tea too"! What great support. I don't know many guys who would so easily drink tea during a football game!
Given his support for you, do you feel you have the relationship to just open up totally to him about what you think he doesn't know is going on? I have always found with my husband that once I just open up and tell him things, especially the ones that I'm totally dreading, he's much nicer, and much more supportive than all of the "what ifs" that I can imagine happening before I open up. In doing so, you might find that that he can be even more help if you just ask him or tell him what he can do for you.
Just a thought, but it sounds like you have a great support system at home, and you definitely have one here, so just keep going forward!
GMW

[periwinkle]

bad times

Thanks DeeBee and GMW,

Yes I am greatful for my husband he is awesome! When I woke up this morning I found myself thinking about this. I made a decision that I will talk in depth in with him. It is just a matter of timing. I am confident that I will know when the time is right for both of us. I want to start reading the MWY book and I am thinking that it will give me some clarity and direction. Like DeeBee said, I need my plan. I have also been talking to an associate who has tried the mod route. That didn't work out so well for him and he is now AF. He has been helpful too.

You are both right, I have a great support system! Thanks to everyone on this site for the support. I hope my book comes today.

:l :l periwinkle