Hi All, Thanks for all your support and advice in the previous thread. I think though it's about time I took some time to explain a bit of how I got to that stage in the first place.
My personal life has been very up and down of late and I've not known which way things are going to turn. I've felt a bit in limbo of late, not knowing where my future lies. It's been a real drain on my resources recently and it got me into this state of melancholy. This in turn lead to a void of all feelings and loss of soul even further than it's already gone. I'm sorry I know a lot of you sway with the mind cognitive theories but ME.. Well let me explain...
Ever since I started along a path of New-Age beliefs and shunning society of all it's trappings I was lead to believe that there is something more spiritual in this, or other worlds that we are fare more destined for. Yet those beliefs were shunned for my militant and anarchistic drinking ways in my youth. Fight the power? Yeah right on man I would fight anything and everything that gave a cuase to throwing down this government and all it stood for. I've been involved in many campaigns involving animal rights, green issues, political issues and so on and so forth. I've lived with travellers on site for months, I've lived in a castle for weeks on end during my summer months away from London city and all it's shite. Yet, London was the hub of the music that I loved and craved. Music has been my life and always will be. I'm a clasically trained pianist and I played many recitals as a young child at competitions across the Wirral where I live. I learned to play as many instruments as I could including flute, guitar (electric and acooustic) and most importantly drums. Now I'm not talking a full rock set of drums; I'm talking rhythms with congas and tablas and african drums. These Rhythms lead me on the path to shamanism and something I had NO idea about until one day a friend asked me to come to a talk in Bournemouth. I was blown away. I had done may 'trips' in the past and always took mushrooms out in the woods being a spiritual person. My use of the drugs was one that enhanced my feelings and emotions within my surroundings and I couldn't find any better surroundings than nature itself. But hearing this one guy talk about his own experiences as a modern day shamam lead me to believe that there is still a mystic power within that drum. (at this point I would like to say Evie and hubbie will know what I mean). This lead me into a the 'rave' scene and it's particular tribal beats. NOT 'happy Scouse Hardcore' OK one??!!! That stuff is shite and has no way of inducing a hypnotic state. Anyway I don't want to delve too deply into this state of mind as I'm sure some of you will be thinking; "OK... nuther WACKO on the boards!". What I will say is that although I used ecstacy to heighten those moods and gain that higher state of consciousness I feel they were always there with me from birth.
My path at the moment is a very dangerous one as I need to take back my soul that's been lost in the wilderness for many years. It's not a simple journey of soul retrevial. Elizabeth talks of angels, but my angels (spirit guides) are what I need to start getting back in touch with If I stand any chance of survival in this world. I am doing the work that needs to be done to stay sober but for how long? I know without my full soul being encapsulated I am nothing.
It's time for me to let go and get in touch with truly who I am and recapture my soul. I'm tired of fighting this thing in a purely emotional or cognitive way. I've done all that work and it's lead me to even deeper waters. My spirit has been broken and I need it back.
Thanks Evie for your continued support through this. I only hope I get to meet you next year if you're coming to Glastonbury again.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx
My personal life has been very up and down of late and I've not known which way things are going to turn. I've felt a bit in limbo of late, not knowing where my future lies. It's been a real drain on my resources recently and it got me into this state of melancholy. This in turn lead to a void of all feelings and loss of soul even further than it's already gone. I'm sorry I know a lot of you sway with the mind cognitive theories but ME.. Well let me explain...
Ever since I started along a path of New-Age beliefs and shunning society of all it's trappings I was lead to believe that there is something more spiritual in this, or other worlds that we are fare more destined for. Yet those beliefs were shunned for my militant and anarchistic drinking ways in my youth. Fight the power? Yeah right on man I would fight anything and everything that gave a cuase to throwing down this government and all it stood for. I've been involved in many campaigns involving animal rights, green issues, political issues and so on and so forth. I've lived with travellers on site for months, I've lived in a castle for weeks on end during my summer months away from London city and all it's shite. Yet, London was the hub of the music that I loved and craved. Music has been my life and always will be. I'm a clasically trained pianist and I played many recitals as a young child at competitions across the Wirral where I live. I learned to play as many instruments as I could including flute, guitar (electric and acooustic) and most importantly drums. Now I'm not talking a full rock set of drums; I'm talking rhythms with congas and tablas and african drums. These Rhythms lead me on the path to shamanism and something I had NO idea about until one day a friend asked me to come to a talk in Bournemouth. I was blown away. I had done may 'trips' in the past and always took mushrooms out in the woods being a spiritual person. My use of the drugs was one that enhanced my feelings and emotions within my surroundings and I couldn't find any better surroundings than nature itself. But hearing this one guy talk about his own experiences as a modern day shamam lead me to believe that there is still a mystic power within that drum. (at this point I would like to say Evie and hubbie will know what I mean). This lead me into a the 'rave' scene and it's particular tribal beats. NOT 'happy Scouse Hardcore' OK one??!!! That stuff is shite and has no way of inducing a hypnotic state. Anyway I don't want to delve too deply into this state of mind as I'm sure some of you will be thinking; "OK... nuther WACKO on the boards!". What I will say is that although I used ecstacy to heighten those moods and gain that higher state of consciousness I feel they were always there with me from birth.
My path at the moment is a very dangerous one as I need to take back my soul that's been lost in the wilderness for many years. It's not a simple journey of soul retrevial. Elizabeth talks of angels, but my angels (spirit guides) are what I need to start getting back in touch with If I stand any chance of survival in this world. I am doing the work that needs to be done to stay sober but for how long? I know without my full soul being encapsulated I am nothing.
It's time for me to let go and get in touch with truly who I am and recapture my soul. I'm tired of fighting this thing in a purely emotional or cognitive way. I've done all that work and it's lead me to even deeper waters. My spirit has been broken and I need it back.
Thanks Evie for your continued support through this. I only hope I get to meet you next year if you're coming to Glastonbury again.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx
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