why can't I let go of the past?

[dexterhead]

I don't know how to let go and begin healing. I don't know if I can ever heal. I have never been good at "moving on." I have always been good at hanging on to the past. Thanks for listening.

[nancy]

why can't I let go of the past?

Hanging on to hanging on?

Hi Dexterhead

I guess I have to wonder, is this what you tell yourself that you are the type of person who hangs on to everything? It's so easy to get stuck in ruts and get a set view of who we are. Sounds like maybe you have been like this a lot but that you are ready for a change.

As Louise Hay asked in You can heal your life, if you were making dinner would you go rummaging through the old garbage to make the meal?

Nancy

[KatieSmiles]

why can't I let go of the past?

Dexter, sign up for online dating!

I did. It's a hoot! Will have you leaving the past behind in no time.

xo
K

[tlrgs]

why can't I let go of the past?

yeah never forget the past .. but who saids you have to live it everyday .. everyday is deferent day just remember that and you can make anything you want ..so with that being said ..live for today and dont worry about yesterday or tomorrow .. just for today.. do your best stay strong and think positive

[AAthlete]

why can't I let go of the past?

Dex, that was my biggest obstacle to getting sober - letting go of the past and all the things that I had done and said while drinking. I tried and tried on my own and couldn't do it alone and that failure made me just want to drink more...

Wish I had an answer for you, but the truth of it is that it is different for each person. I can tell you that it involves putting a plan together and then working it every single day. RJ's book lays out some great options and ideas, but if you are not a self-starter like I was there is also counseling and/or meetings.

The key is to be open to change whatever choice you make. We usually hear things that we don't want to hear on this process of discovery, and we can choose to ignorerefute them and stay rooted where we are or embrace them and start down the path to sober, happy living.

[Leelou]

why can't I let go of the past?

BOOK _ Way of the Peaceful Warrior - by Dan Mllman......read it! It might help

[lukalee]

why can't I let go of the past?

The shit sucks, doesn't it? Try to let it go. Easier said than done. :l

[Starlight Impress Forever]

why can't I let go of the past?

dexter :l

There`s an element of comfort in the past, despite our pasts often having been troubled.

It`s the fear factor that`s causing you to cling to the past, dexter.

I hold my hand out to you this night........take it and do not be afraid, because if we all hold hands around the world, as we do..........the best is yet to come. Have faith in yourself.........believe in yourself and set yourself free from this moment onwards........

All my love,

Star x

[Michaela]

why can't I let go of the past?

Wow, that was beautiful Starlight.

It's like getting rid of trash to me. It doesn't do you any good but stink up your place. Get rid of it and don't TRY and think of it anymore. Get rid of the negative thoughts and replace with positive good thoughts.

Good luck.

Mich

[Lila]

why can't I let go of the past?

hi Dexter
I hold onto things too for a long time. Luckily, luckily, you do forget, eventually, just because you do....you will forget, and then one day you will have realized you have moved on. In the meantime...a teeny bit of retail therapy?

Lila

[Lila]

why can't I let go of the past?

where did that Bare Minerals thread go, anyways? You need some Girl Time, Dexter!

[A Work in Progress]

why can't I let go of the past?

Before you, or anyone, can get a start on answering that question, it would be important to get some clarification as to what you mean. The term "letting go of the past" can have a lot of different meanings.

Do you mean that you wish you spent less time thinking about things that have happened in your past? Or that you wish you did not repeat some of the patterns of behavior that you have done in the past? Or that you wish you no longer felt sadness (or anger or whatever) about certain aspects of your past?

Thinking patterns and behavioral patterns CAN be changed, and we can learn to engage in better "emotion regulation." It's not easy, but it's do-able. It takes work, and it takes time. One self-help book that I find extremely good, and it addresses all of this, is called Emotional Alchemy.

best wishes,

wip

[A Work in Progress]

why can't I let go of the past?

yeah, Janie, guilt is a killer... quite a persistent bugger... it helps if we begin by re-labeling it as an "emotional habit" whenever we find that we are mentally and emotionally engaging in a sort of a guilt-fest (strange but true, that we do that!).... just step back and say to ourselves... oh, yeah, there's that bad habit once again, better shift focus onto something else!

wip

[dexterhead]

why can't I let go of the past?

thanks to all of you for your responses. To clarify: went thru a very shattering divorce 3 years ago or so. We were together for nearly 15 years and were best friends/soulmates. in retrospect we were both rather damaged people who came together for that reason. A very, very, very long story short -- I did something he felt "betrayed" him (not adultery), he had terrible childhood issues, and he turned rather suddenly viciously against me .. morphed from my sweet husband into this hateful, hating, destructive creature. Truly vicious divorce ensues .. now he is remarried and I am alone living paycheck to paycheck (his new lady living in the house I so loved ... about a mile from where I live) and can't stop thinking of the happiest years of my life, about 5 years when we lived in Chicago, I was coming out of years of depression and found work I loved, etc., we were financially stable, lived in an adorable place, etc.
To clarify -- ex and I did get back to civil grounds about 2 years ago due to miserable tragedy with our cat (no kids, he was our surrogate child), which we dealt with together and had him "put down" together. At that time, he did offer apologies for the way he had behaved during the divorce and was the gentle, kind person I had known.
I just can't get out of this rut. I know I need to "get out there" again but the experience of being with someone for years, thinking I knew every part of his soul, and finding this hideously ugly and cruel person living inside him, has made me wonder how in God's name I can ever trust anyone again?
Sorry for my rant

[Lila]

why can't I let go of the past?

oh, Dexter, I wish I could say something that would help...I would hate to live very close to them...have you gotten therapy or anything like that?