Ok People...where are the jokes?

[tlrgs]

Ok People...where are the jokes?

ok heres my last one you are going to love it

[Cinders]

Ok People...where are the jokes?

Very NOT PC. But it still makes me laugh..

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting,

"So, you've been out drinking again!!"

"What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent look.

"The pub called -- you left your wheelchair there again."

[Cinders]

Ok People...where are the jokes?

and one of my all time Favorites..

During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."

The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."

The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.

"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.

The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"

"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.

"Like what?" asked the bartender.

"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.

The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.

So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.

"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.

The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.

"Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.

"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.

With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."

The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.

The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.

The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!"

The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"

[IAD]

Ok People...where are the jokes?

Ha! IAD.

[lukalee]

Ok People...where are the jokes?

Thanks everyone for the great laughs tonight; you certainly helped me make it through the night!! Day 3, here I come!!!

[Cinders]

Ok People...where are the jokes?

Nighty Night, Lukalee. Sleep tight.

Love,
Cindi

[tlrgs]

Ok People...where are the jokes?

nite nite lukalee yeah you go for day 3 you are doing it buddy .. great job

[jonetrees]

Ok People...where are the jokes?

Trying.

See I just started the topa 50am and 50pm and my brain has gone on holiday................A middle aged woman goes to the dentist and as her eyes are roaming around the walls she notices the name of the dentist on one of the placards and realises it is the name of the boy she had a hugh crush on at school but who never even noticed her at all.When she went in and realised the old grey haired,wrinkled man wasnt him,she relaxed and chatted a little,mentioning her old school,whereby he piped up and said yes ! he had gone there ! and which class had she taught ? I havent been on MWO for a few weeks now I have been waiting for my supps ang to get started on going and im started yeah:h

[jonetrees]

Ok People...where are the jokes?

blew it

I just read over it and I cant even make sense of it.But its there...the joke is in there..It requires patiences and a mind that can work out puzzles ...Yes !!Puzzles

[jonetrees]

Ok People...where are the jokes?

Trying.

See I just started the topa 50am and 50pm and my brain has gone on holiday................A middle aged woman goes to the dentist and as her eyes are roaming around the walls she notices the name of the dentist on one of the placards and realises it is the name of the boy she had a hugh crush on at school but who never even noticed her at all.When she went in and realised the old grey haired,wrinkled man wasnt him,she relaxed and chatted a little,mentioning her old school,whereby he piped up and said yes ! he had gone there ! and which class had she taught ? I havent been on MWO for a few weeks now I have been waiting for my supps ang to get started on going and im started yeah:h

[Cinders]

Ok People...where are the jokes?

Jones,

Gotta love the topa, huh??

Cindi

[slowly sinking]

Ok People...where are the jokes?

Two 90 year olds had been dating for a while when the man told the woman, "Well, tonight's the night we have sex!"
And so they did.
As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself,"My God, if I knew she was a virgin, I would have been much more gentle with her!".
And the old woman was thinking to herself,"My God, if I knew the old geezer could actually get it up, I would have taken off my panty hose!"

[akgirl]

Ok People...where are the jokes?

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Porsche back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!

A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.

The moral of the story:

If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Porsche to pick up chicks!


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[IAD]

Ok People...where are the jokes?

Aint that the truth ! ha1 IAD.

[slowly sinking]

Ok People...where are the jokes?

There was a guy riding thru the desert on his camel. He'd been traveling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women ther so the man turned to his camel. He tried to position himslf, but the camel ran away. The man ran to catch up up to the camel and got back up and started to ride again.
Soon, he was feeling the urge to have sex again, so once again, he turned to his camel...same story..and on and on it went.
Finally, the man came to a road. There was a broken down car with three big chested beautiful blondes sitting in it.. He asked them if they needed help. The hottest girl said, "If you fix our car, we will do anything you want.".
The man knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash.
When he finished, all three girls asked,"How could we ever repay you Sir?"
After thinking for a short while he replied, "Could you please hold my camel?"