Help! I have a teenager!

[Mackeral]

Help! I have a teenager!

boozehag;449366 wrote: A swift kick up the arse or a clip around the ear was what we got back in the day - and if you are still living at home at 28 then you deserve both!. Unfortunately you cant do that now what with global warning - all that the teenagers around here are like enormous giants these days. If mine fell on me he would kill me.
BH

I moved out at 17....If i was at home at 28 i'd be in a wheelchair..

[boozehag]

Help! I have a teenager!

Just kidding mack!
BH

[akgirl]

Help! I have a teenager!

rubywillow;449374 wrote: So, maybe doing it alone is a small blessing.

Maybe...if the other parent is phsyco, which I'm sorry, but she must be to give all that up.

But mine was not by choice, he left when my boy was small, and thinking back, I guess he was kind of physco. But doing it alone is hard, on the parent and even more on the child...I don't reccomend it to anyone. My boy has missed out on a lot not having a father, there is a special bond he will never know.

But he is healthy, happy (most of the time) and has a lot to be thankful for...we both do.

[Mackeral]

Help! I have a teenager!

boozehag;449388 wrote: Just kidding mack!
BH

LOL BH..

You have a sence of humour...My mother hasnt....

[boozehag]

Help! I have a teenager!

Ak girl
That is hard AK - I know I have been there I brought my eldest up on my own until he was 12 when I ruined his life by meeting my husband and getting married and having two more children. Its one thing not having your real father around but having a step father you didnt want or ask for was even worse! It was hell at the time but we all survived and we laugh about it now. I know with my youngest - the 14 year old (who has the body of a man and the brain of well a 14 yr old) my husband has had to really get involved in keeping him under control (or even just alive until his brain matches his body - and that may take some time). Do you have a male friend or teacher or granddad or someone who might be prepared to give a bit of male direction or input that we just cant give. Might be helpful.
BH

[rubywillow]

Help! I have a teenager!

akgirl;449389 wrote: Maybe...if the other parent is phsyco, which I'm sorry, but she must be to give all that up.

But mine was not by choice, he left when my boy was small, and thinking back, I guess he was kind of physco. But doing it alone is hard, on the parent and even more on the child...I don't reccomend it to anyone. My boy has missed out on a lot not having a father, there is a special bond he will never know.

But he is healthy, happy (most of the time) and has a lot to be thankful for...we both do.

AK, If you ever get to this far side of the country, you've got an open invite to bring that boy fishing with my menfolk. We just had our first boy 3 yrs. ago Nov. 22, then another by adoption 3 mos later!

[Chief]

Help! I have a teenager!

AK,

You are a good mom in his eyes....and you might not think he thinks you're a cool mom....but down the road he will look back and see that you were both....

I have 2 boys, all grown 28 and 31....

Have fun with this...

Don

[CS04]

Help! I have a teenager!

Hi AK,
You sure have a lot of friends on this thread! I have a 17 year old stepson, as well a 2 year old little boy. I have been part of my stepson's life since he was 3, so we have been thru all the school years, including those trying teens. It is a little different being a stepparent -- somewhat advantageous at times, because he will talk to me about things he won't tell his dad. (Most other parts of being a stepmom are really hard.) But I have found that to just listen to your child, and communicate, honestly, is a big plus. I know it sounds rather vague. But that has just been my gut instinct.

My stepson also shared with us last winter that he is gay. I have said this on chat but not sur if I have said this in a post. He was 16 when he told us, and his mom lives in a very conservative area, so it has been quite difficult for him. My husband and I, and our families, have been totally supportive, but his mom's family were not. So, again, honesty and love is what we believe in, and I think my stepson is OK now because he knows he has this from us.

I don't want to be too simplistic about this, because I know it is complicated. But those are my experiences. Please PM me if you want to talk more.

xoxo
CS

[akgirl]

Help! I have a teenager!

CS04;449451 wrote: You sure have a lot of friends on this thread!

And I am truly thankful :l
AK

[lukalee]

Help! I have a teenager!

AK, my advice is to simply love him. It's natural for them to be buttheads for a bit. They are trying to find themselves. I teach high school, and I can't tell you how many times kids will say, "What can I do to get my parents to notice me; what I do is never enough." They may act like you are the biggest dip shit in the world, but they really do want and need the structure and know that you are there. They may not know it at the moment, but they really still are babies when they are teens. One day he will come home crying and need your shoulder; you simply need to be there with open arms and heart. This is really what anybody needs, regardless of age.

[okydoky]

Help! I have a teenager!

OK...AKgirl,

[karbihere]

Help! I have a teenager!

hmmm good luck mine thought he knew every thing and that he was not going to finish high school or stop smoking pot or being his racist self. came home from work on July 7 to find him gone..... took a bus back to san diego to be with his loser racist friends and have not heard from him in over four months. Dont even know if he is alive... I guess no news is good news havent heard from the police YET!! Its been a rough ride for me, done all the crying and being angry I think Im just numb now, How ever all I do know how to do is NOT DRINK ( had a year sober on august 3 ) thank god for this site I come here everday. At least I know I am not alone ... Take care

[okydoky]

Help! I have a teenager!

karbihere,
Hang in there. I was hell on my parents and came back.
Congrats on your sobriety!

[Eve11]

Help! I have a teenager!

AKgirl,
We're in the same boat. Mine is 12 1/2 and have another right behind him who is almost 11. I'll keep you in my thoughts if I come across any good books, advice.

The one thing I know is it's perfectly normal for them to pull away as they start to assert their independence. And even though they don't publicly display affection (God forbid you try to hold their hand or give them a kiss or hug in public) I think they still enjoy those tender, private moments. My son likes to talk about his day when we're tucking him in at night. Also, take time to talk to him during private times like driving somewhere when it's just the two of you. And the biggest recommendation I can give is to have family dinner time. They've actually done studies that show kids are less likely to do drugs, etc. if they've had that upbringing of sitting together at the family table.

Most importantly remember that we're the ones modeling behavior to our kids. I have a plaque that says "Live in such a way that there will be no REGRETS when someone else follows in your footsteps."
My son cried one night asking me not to get drunk like that anymore...and so far since Sept. 2, 08 I haven't. He and his brother are helping me to be the role model they need me to be.
Shoot a PM if you ever want to talk teen more!
Eve11

[akgirl]

Help! I have a teenager!

Karbi,
:l to you, and you are not alone. Thank you for your response, all of you! I looked at him in a new way tonight and had a special mommy moment. I don't know what he sensed, but I got an "out of the blue, for no reason" hug, a big one.

I had to giggle tonight...I think his voice is changing :H