I'm not physically addicted to alcohol or cigarettes, but I'm caught up in a compulsive cycle. Every third night or so, I smoke an entire pack of cigarettes and drink a six-pack of beer, all alone.
I'm not a social smoker - I only smoke during this time. I'm not much of a social drinker, either. I don't want to worry my friends or embarrass myself by getting soused in public, so if I'm out at a party or a bar, I'll either abstain or nurse my beers until they're warm and yucky, and eventually discard them.
It's every third night that kills me. I often turn that third night into a fourth, or fifth, or sixth by emptying my wallet of credit cards and only carrying $5 in cash so I can't buy beer or cigarettes on the way home. Or planning a project that will last all night, or making plans to meet friends to do something that doesn't involve alcohol.
During a successful night of not drinking, I'll congratulate myself. "See? You're happy and productive. You're enjoying yourself more tonight than you would be drinking beer all by yourself." In the morning, I'll stretch, yawn and make myself a cup of tea, then go rowing. While I'm out on the lake working up a sweat, I'll give myself a high-five for not having a hangover.
But I can't make plans or plan an all-night project every night. On nights when I don't have anything going on, I tell myself, "This is the last night I'll buy a six-pack, and I'll start fresh tomorrow." Or, "I didn't drink for six nights in a row. So if I drink tonight, I'll be able to go another six nights," even though I know it's not true.
Earlier this evening, I spent three hours rehearsing with my all-girl band. Right now, at this very moment, I'm surfing the web, and eating a packet of dry hot cocoa mix with a spoon. Once I close my browser, I'll watch an episode of the Sopranos, and then read a book until I go to bed. In the morning, I'll wake up at 7 AM and go rowing.
Life doesn't get any better than this! But every third night or so, some sick part of my brain tells me that I'd rather be all alone, slowly killing myself with nicotine and alcohol. When that part of my brain speaks up, it drowns out all of my better intentions.
Self-talk really works for me. On days when I'm not bored or tired or frustrated, I can talk myself down from my compulsion to drink and smoke. I might want to buy that six-pack, but I can win an argument with myself. "Hey, self! If you don't drink, I'll rent your favorite movie and take you rowing tomorrow!"
On the days when I already feel weak, I need a stronger argument. Any ideas??
I'm not a social smoker - I only smoke during this time. I'm not much of a social drinker, either. I don't want to worry my friends or embarrass myself by getting soused in public, so if I'm out at a party or a bar, I'll either abstain or nurse my beers until they're warm and yucky, and eventually discard them.
It's every third night that kills me. I often turn that third night into a fourth, or fifth, or sixth by emptying my wallet of credit cards and only carrying $5 in cash so I can't buy beer or cigarettes on the way home. Or planning a project that will last all night, or making plans to meet friends to do something that doesn't involve alcohol.
During a successful night of not drinking, I'll congratulate myself. "See? You're happy and productive. You're enjoying yourself more tonight than you would be drinking beer all by yourself." In the morning, I'll stretch, yawn and make myself a cup of tea, then go rowing. While I'm out on the lake working up a sweat, I'll give myself a high-five for not having a hangover.
But I can't make plans or plan an all-night project every night. On nights when I don't have anything going on, I tell myself, "This is the last night I'll buy a six-pack, and I'll start fresh tomorrow." Or, "I didn't drink for six nights in a row. So if I drink tonight, I'll be able to go another six nights," even though I know it's not true.
Earlier this evening, I spent three hours rehearsing with my all-girl band. Right now, at this very moment, I'm surfing the web, and eating a packet of dry hot cocoa mix with a spoon. Once I close my browser, I'll watch an episode of the Sopranos, and then read a book until I go to bed. In the morning, I'll wake up at 7 AM and go rowing.
Life doesn't get any better than this! But every third night or so, some sick part of my brain tells me that I'd rather be all alone, slowly killing myself with nicotine and alcohol. When that part of my brain speaks up, it drowns out all of my better intentions.
Self-talk really works for me. On days when I'm not bored or tired or frustrated, I can talk myself down from my compulsion to drink and smoke. I might want to buy that six-pack, but I can win an argument with myself. "Hey, self! If you don't drink, I'll rent your favorite movie and take you rowing tomorrow!"
On the days when I already feel weak, I need a stronger argument. Any ideas??
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