Well, sober yesterday no small thanks to you & your support. Planning to do this ODAT. No counting days, just hope to use the word 'sober' on a regular basis. We'll see...
Scared the crap out of myself on saturday. And shattered the trust of someone I love more than I can say. I'm moving on by getting sober, it's the only way forward for me. Looking backwards or standing still has become a living hell of pain, guilt, doubt & fear (with enough modding along the way to make me complacent, keep me procrastinating). Pissing about (literally) with such a dangerous substance when I'm in no fit state to do so is no longer an option. As to the future I just don't know. It's the way I live my todays that will decide that
So as I sit here sweating & shivering I feel relieved. Yes I'll have many, many memory triggers to work through. But the memory of that night easily overshadows them all. Brave words I know, but if anyone had told me before that this is what would happen, it would have stopped me in my tracks. It's my worst nightmare, please don't go on until you meet yours
I'll be needing you guys. Thanks for listening :thanks::thanks::thanks:
Gold xxx
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