Wondering if any of you have a similar situation....

[42cat]

Hi. I haven't posted for awhile (but I have been checking into the forums) .... Sorry if this is a little long-winded. Any input would be greatly appreciated.

I think I've gone downhill quite a bit since the beginning of the year. Strange thing is, I don't get "drunk" (except for maybe the last half hour before bed - the one last drink to put me into sleep mode). Last year, I had drinks mostly in the evenings, maybe about a pint of rum from suppertime to bedtime ..... Now, I'm drinking about a quart (750 ml) of vodka or rum a day - all day .... It starts very early in the morning, then I'll go an hour, sometimes two, then have another ... etc., etc., and by the end of the day, that's how much I've consumed....... I hide it at home (and I bring it to work). At home, I "pretend" I'm just having one or two around dinner time and into the evening. I chew gum, eat orange slices, etc., to mask the smell.

I'm at the point where when I wake up in the mornings (I'm the first one up, before 6:00), I get my "stash" of mixed drink ready for the workday, in a plastic bottle, and get it hidden away before anyone else gets up. I always make sure I have enough ready for the next day, or I panic.

NOT GOOD. THIS IS NOT GOOD. I've gained a LOT of weight too. Also not good. I'm getting scared of "what's next" ... I mean, how much more can I drink in a day? What's the next step down??? .... It's a scary thought.

Anyway ....

I've done some thinking lately about "why" .... And I think a much of it has to do with lack of attention from DH (we've been married 22 years and have two great DDs, ages 15 and 19 ... He rarely talks about anything ... works during the day, watches a lot of TV in the evening ... isn't interested in doing anything with me, such as bowling or any other little hobbies ... there's no sex .... he's not a drinker ... I don't know how to make things better ... I asked him if he was happy, after telling him I'm lonely and sad and trying to start a deep conversation ... and he said he's "not unhappy" ... and didn't feel like "getting into it right now" ... *sigh*) ... Then add to that my lack of other things to do ... and to that lack of any real "friends" (outside of work acquaintences). Lack of money also contributes (though if I wasn't drinking, I'd have much more). ..... Lots of "lacking".

Funny thing is ... most people think I'm happy go lucky, always bubbly, smart, level-headed, etc. Little do they know the torment going on in this head.

I know this is my thing to fix .... but how? ... I've tried hobbies, a gym membership, walking, etc..... and I've tried asking DH to please be more attentive (I even mentioned counselling - he didn't want to do that).... but nothing has changed.

................ Anyway, I don't want to sound like I'm complaining. I KNOW I have to take control of my own life - which I'm trying to get a handle on.......... I guess I'm looking for some ideas, maybe? ... Or anyone who is or has been in a similar situation and has turned to AL and then found their way out, or is trying to. What are you doing? How did you get happy?

Maybe I'm just weak, or lazy. It truly feels like there's some evil thing .. "making" me continue on this path ... and I so desperatly want OFF!

Thanks for listening to my loooonnnnnng post. Much appreciated.

[hart]

Wondering if any of you have a similar situation....

(((42cat))))

First of all, LOVE your avatar! Next, you ask some hard questions. The only one who can turn your life around is you. You say you wanted to go for counseling with your hubby, I tried that with my first hubby, he went a few times and felt like we were ganging up on him. I ended up seeing her alone, and eventually divorcing him.

I'm not suggesting you divorce your hubby, that's an extremely personal decision. But I do think counseling is in order for you. There is more to life than you are experiencing. Another thought I had, what about taking some classes? Maybe a new hobby or interest would start you on another path too.

Whatever you decide. Good for coming here and sharing. We support you. :l

[42cat]

Wondering if any of you have a similar situation....

Thanks so much for your reply, hart. I never thought of doing the counselling thing by myself. It's a bit of a scary thought (do I tell DH, or just go ahead ... and what if they tell me something I don't want to hear? .... OK, I'm panicking already about things that haven't happened - lol. Gotta stop doing that!)

Thanks so much for replying so quickly!

[A Work in Progress]

Wondering if any of you have a similar situation....

42, sounds as if you are caught in a hellish situation. I'd suggest that the only part of it that you can change right away, and the thing that will make the most difference, is (stopping) the drinking. Most people find that their marital problems are not going to get better while they are still consuming large amounts of alcohol. I can see that you have been around MWO before; have you read the book? Do you have some long-term AF time that you have done, before? Tried AA, or antabuse, or other medications?

I'd also suggest that wondering about the "why" of drinking is likely to be not as productive as working out a plan to deal with stopping the drinking; later on, you will need to work on changing some of the aspects of your life, or avoiding some of the situations, that are the biggest "triggers" for you...

best wishes,

wip

[hart]

Wondering if any of you have a similar situation....

((((42cat)))

I don't think it makes a difference if you tell your hubby or not. Although it might be interesting to gage his reaction.

You having nothing to lose by going, so go for it! :thumbs:

[AAthlete]

Wondering if any of you have a similar situation....

42cat;455849 wrote:
....I know this is my thing to fix .... but how? ... I've tried hobbies, a gym membership, walking, etc..... and I've tried asking DH to please be more attentive (I even mentioned counselling - he didn't want to do that).... but nothing has changed.

That was always my issue as well - wondering how to fix things to get out of the cycle that I was in. My problem is that I would make a change (go to the gym, talk to wife) but when it didn't produce results I would just have another drink. It was almost like I was setting myself up to fail...

It sounds like your drinking tolerance has gotten up there, to the point where I would suggest you see someone about it. You were right in thinking that this is your problem to solve because no one else can do it for you, and I would bet that it hubby were even a little more attentive that most likely wouldn't change things either (ironically, I would bet hubby would be more attentive if you were to quit drinking).

A good therapist or rehab location could help you sort through the issues that you are trying to deal with and point you in the right direction. If you are not opposed to AA, you might try checking out a couple of meetings there as well. Not advocating the program to you, but being around people who have the same experiences and can relate 100% to you can be incredibly calming.

[Waiting for his way out]

Wondering if any of you have a similar situation....

42Cat,
are you certain your family does not know about your drinking? You may be only pretending to yourself about the drinking at dinner time or at bed time. My husband was hiding Vodka in little plastic bottles in his car, under his desk, even in the grill in the garage. I always found the bottles, even when they looked like Evian or Perrier. When things finally hit the bottom he was drinking 2 large bottles a day.
Others here are more experienced with the way to stop drinking, but I think you should sit your family down and let them know what is going on, ask for support in the journey you need to embark. You may be surprised of what they already know. Being alcohol free does not necessarily resolve the personal issues you may or may not have in your marriage, but it would certainly make them more clear.
Good luck.

[Cinders]

Wondering if any of you have a similar situation....

NOT GOOD. THIS IS NOT GOOD. I've gained a LOT of weight too. Also not good. I'm getting scared of "what's next" ... I mean, how much more can I drink in a day? What's the next step down??? .... It's a scary thought.

Cat,

I reached that next step down, myself, and it is very ugly. Hubby started coming home to me passed out on the floor, I broke a window once falling into it, slumped over my computer (eeek what did I could have done!!) and my body was falling apart.

I would do whatever it takes to stop this downward spiral.

I am so sorry for how unhappy you are in your life right now but first things first. Figure out how to stop the drinking.

If hubby doesn't want counseling, then you should go alone. You must find a good counselor and preferably one that is versed in addiction counseling. If you don't like the first one, find another and keep doing that until you find one you can connect with.

Good luck in your journey to sobriety. It is worth it, even though there are mountains to climb and rivers to forge. Each step you take makes you feel better and better.

Cindi

[42cat]

Wondering if any of you have a similar situation....

Thanks you guys. It's funny - but I think I already know the answer to my "problems" .... maybe I just needed to hear some feedback for that kick-in-the-butt thing ... to bring it to the surface.

It's interesting, but I know I (a lot of us) gear our actions toward "protecting" our habit of drinking .... sort of like leaving an opening for an "out" in case we fail in our attempts to better our lives, quit drinking, or whatever our struggle is.

I think that's what I'm doing. Leaving an excuse there - so that I can continue drinking.

The fact is, and you're right, the drinking needs to stop first, or at least while I'm figuring the rest of it out..... I'm not going to get anything figured out while even a little intoxicated (or "relaxed" as I like to put it ... another loophole).

You guys are the best.

[42cat]

Wondering if any of you have a similar situation....

((hugs)) to you all.

Your responses seriously brought tears to my eyes. This is truly a unique and very special website... it's appreciated so much.

[boozehag]

Wondering if any of you have a similar situation....

Hi Cat
I think you might have hit the nail on the head in your last post. I suspect blaming your relationship with DH for your drinking is just an excuse to drink and keep drinking. That was partly the case for me too. I had a lot of anger towards my DH when I was drinking and he being a man just shut up and put up with it buried his head in the sand and plodded on. Now I realise the anger and resentment was really at myself for not having control of my life but I just took it out on him. Now that I have got control over my drink problem he is a much better person and so much easier to live with! I might just have to keep him a bit longer. Just kidding it is me that has changed and most of those resentments I had built up at him (very similar to the ones you mention) dont even exist now that I am healthy and happy and in control of my life. Hope this helps.
BH