not having such a good time

[BecomingMeAtLast]

not having such a good time

:soothe:

[rubywillow]

not having such a good time

periwinkle;456768 wrote: It just sucks. I just want us to be us. It feels like everything we do together involves drinking. I don't really want to do anything right now because I just don't want the exposure. Yea, I think he is hurt by it. And I'm just really emotional right now.

Yes, he's scared, maybe, that you are stronger than him, that you may begin to look at him differently, that things will CHANGE. Just reassure him you will only love him more, and better, when you are better. He's been taking care of you. That will be different in a way. It's messed up, but it's real. You certainly can't drink to make him happy. This is just a bump, a change in the way you are wired when you don't drink. We love you too, hon.

[A Work in Progress]

not having such a good time

Changes, whether positive or negative, are ALWAYS stressful to any relationship. No way you can make it otherwise, other than to work hard to be clear, honest, and compassionate... both with yourself and with your partner.

I really don't like to use the word "selfish" about the work we have to do to recover from alcoholism. We never use that word with people who have to engage in treatment for cancer, or chronic illnesses... we simply acknowledge that they HAVE to do what must be done, whether it is time-consuming, or expensive, or painful, or whatever... or not. Same should be true for alcohol/drug dependency. If we don't do WHATEVER IT TAKES, then we have NOTHING. Period. Doing the work, taking the time, making the necessary changes (including quitting the knee-jerk reaction of trying to fix and control everything and everyone!) are absolutely necessary. No need to tell ourselves, or others, that it is necessary to be "selfish." I really don't think the word applies, here.

wip

[vera-b]

not having such a good time

Oh Peri, so wish I could take an eraser to your concerns. Sure sounds like hubby is going through his own adjustment phase (whether he needs a break from being the nurturing, supportive spouse or he feels a little guilty whenever he enjoys a drink in your presence, or whatever . . .). One of the things I realized on my journey out of the booze hole was that NO ONE had a clue as to what I was going through. They didn't know how badly I felt about my drinking problem, how much I had TRIED to get it under control, or how weary I was from fighting the battle over and over. They also didn't comprehend the utter jubilation I felt over the smallest of victories. That's when I found MWO and here, everyone understood those things. My hubby likes the results, but I share my ups and downs with my MWO cyber friends. Sad, perhaps, but I came to the conclusion long ago that unless you have been there, there's just no way you understand. So, when you're feeling challenged or want to shout your joy from the rooftops, log on. We'll be here (some talented folks with all the fancy smiley faces and all!) to hear you out. Hearts out to you. :h

Vera-b