I'm such an idiot

[ready2quit]

I was doing pretty good for a while...trying to go AF but having a bottle of wine every once in a while...this month I've only made it AF two days. I feel like crap. I'm depressed. I'm not working out as much and eating like a pig. This is it!!! I'm finishing off the rest of the bottle so I won't have anymore tonight. I know I should just pour it out but I can't seem to do that. Tomorrow in Nov 1st and I'm going AF!!!!! I've gained at least 5 pounds this month just from drinking then eating like a pig the next day. When I'm in a daze I think....I'll go eat a hamburger somewhere...then I'm figuring out when I can eat again. If someone calls me for lunch even though I've eaten, I'll eat again. It's a vicious cycle and I have to stop it. I reason with myself thinking...I can have a glass of wine and be fine...but then it's off to the store to buy a bottle and finish that off too and feel depressed and totally upset with myself the next day. Promising myself no more drinking, but 5:00 comes and I stop at the store for another bottle. I haven't been visiting the site for a while, but I'm coming back and I'm going to make myself accountable. I am an alcoholic and cannot drink responsibly!!! I have to repeat that over and over. I've gone 2 weeks AF and think...I'm over it, I can do it...so I have a glass and it starts all over again. I know I'm repeating myself, but I think it helps to write it down. Watch my drink tracker...I'm going AF in November.:upset:

[shelbysmiles]

I'm such an idiot

You can do it! There is a new November thread just starting. Hop on and we will all help each other!

[hart]

I'm such an idiot

((((Ready))))

First of all, you are not an idiot. You are playing a game with yourself, as I am. I haven't been AF for over a week in a while, and I had 34 days AF. Calling yourself names won't help, it will perpetuate your depression and low self-esteem.

I think you can do anything you put your mind to, but do it from a point of I can go AF, I am stronger than my desire to drink, not from the point of being a loser. Because you aren't and I don't want to see you talk to yourself like that. :l:l

[rubywillow]

I'm such an idiot

Welcome back, Ready. We're starting tomorrow. Glad to have you on board!