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    #1

    Lack of Self Confidence

    I'm working on my sobriety and doing well with Yoga, therapy, reading, etc. But I just can't seem to shake that "You're a worthless piece of crap and you're going to screw up" feeling that was imbedded in my brain by some significant (controlling & self absorbed) people in my life.

    I have been asked to be a model 3 times in the last 3 months for local celebrity fashion shows and I have declined due to lack of self confidence. I'm actualy amazed they even consider me to be a "local celebrity"....boy this "party girl" thing has taken me places! Anyway, on a more serious note, inside I would LOVE to be able to do something like that but I just don't have the confidence. Has anyone overcome this kind of situation? I would be interested in knowing how to take this to the next level, not just staying sober in the background but exploring new territory and going out and doing what my heart desires without (of course) the crutch of alcohol.
    Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice.
    - George Jackson
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    #2
    Lack of Self Confidence

    Hi My heart. I so know what you mean. I am working on that myself so dont have any words of advice just that I understand how you feel.
    I will watch with interest to see your replies and see if they help me too.
    Thank you for posting.....
    Living now and not just existing since 9th July 2008
    Nicotine Free since 6th February 2009

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      #3
      Lack of Self Confidence

      Me too. Hubby makes me feel like an undesirable person and that's why he left me. Even though I don't want to be married to him, I feel like a dog in the manger (Aesop's Fable). I don't want him but I feel security when he says he still loves me and maybe things will work out eventually. He's got serious addictions, lives with a dysfunctional woman - what is the matter with me that I am jealous that he'd rather live with someone like that? Then he pulls a Jeckyl and Hyde and points out all the negative things in the relationship. I must get a new job because working for him is just prolonging contact but my self esteem is such that I am intimidated by the thought of interviews and rejection. I have got to get over these feelings of inadequacy but don't know how. Counseling doesn't seem to ring my bell.

      So yeah, I'm sober but not drinking is so easy compared to what I have in store for me. It's as if you quit drinking and the "work" is just beginning. I'll be watching this thread for advice.
      sigpic
      Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUT

      Comment

        #4
        Lack of Self Confidence

        My Heart,
        I'm scared to post in this thread, but will do so anyway. I certainly know what it is to have a large self loathing and self doubt factor in my character. I threw the blame for my self loathing and self doubt on many things (and I had quite a few good things I could choose from to throw it at) and hid it under a fabulous mask of 'success' and drank to escape it.

        I'd say that there are many many ways to overcoming it. Go to any self help section in the library.. you can do energy healing.. you can do faith.. you can do tarot cards.. you can do crystal healing.. to name a few. I wonder if there is a book on a topic that I didnt try. Question is.. what is the right way for YOU. What is right for you will be something that only you can work out (says she unhelpfully). What I can say is that whatever route you take it can work if you apply yourself to it and stick at it and just dont give up.

        What did I do.. well I went right to the sources of my self loathing and faced them and sobbed them out. It took me ages and several goes.. and no doubt there will be more for me to face... but I'm applying myself to it and sticking at it and I"m not going to give in. Sorting out things in my warped brain has taken some effort, but I dont regret it.

        Its only me that can really love me.. and that means taking care of myself and living with integrity. Only then can I get that from somewhere else. Thats what I believe. There is no requirement for you to believe what I believe and whatever you do to move forwards, know that I wish you luck.

        Brigid

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          #5
          Lack of Self Confidence

          Hi my Heart,

          I can remember going back 5 or6 years ago, and getting made redundancy from my job, working in the bank, that i worked for 20years. work there since i left school. the last two months there was hell for me they made me feel so worthless i was not the only one that felt like this. but i had to go to my doctors it felt like i was having a break down just could not copy. i would breakdown everytime i go to work. Anyway the day i left i though i couldn't get another job felt like i had no confidence in myself. After 9months down the line drinking everyday nothing unusual i got a job with the NHS bank staff it meant i would not be in one section i was all over the place( sh*t )i would be so nervous starting another job on a different section they even put once on a award clerk. But i did it because i had to! it was the deep in for me, because never did that sort of work before. Iam a nervous person anyway. ....What im trying to say is
          You will not srew up and your not worthless.... I believe you can do this, sometimes it hard because in our minds we think we cant do it. If it something deep down you always wanted to do just go for it and you will surprise yourself.

          All the best of luck i have faith in you.

          Take care

          Love
          Teardrop.x
          family is everything to me

          Comment

            #6
            Lack of Self Confidence

            Heart, there are specific ways to deal with what psychologists call negative self-talk, and distorted ideas about oneself. It is very helpful to work with a therapist about this, because it is difficult to do this kind of work alone. It takes a lot of discipline. You can learn a lot about how to do the work in some good self-help books (the best one I know of, the one I often recommend, is called Emotional Alchemy). The problem is that most people read these books, and understand what is in them, but they do not actually work through the exercises IN the books. But, if you actually work through the exercises you will find in this book, or another good self-help book, you will find that you can get past this and move into the life you want to have!

            best wishes,

            wip

            Comment

              #7
              Lack of Self Confidence

              Heart, perhaps you will find the CD's helpful (if you don't already have them). I love the part where you can insert ideas of how you want to see yourself...
              Wishing you well,
              River
              You, as much as anyone in the universe, deserve your love and respect. ~ Buddha

              Comment

                #8
                Lack of Self Confidence

                Heart and Greenie, I say go for it. I know this sounds like bull, but it really does help, at least for me. You'll find that you will do great in the fashion show, and Greenie, you'll land a great job. I don't know about anyone else, but sometimes I am just as scared at success in certain things than I am in failure. It's like, "Wow, I don't have an excuse to drink; I don't have an excuse to blame anyone; I don't have an excuse to feel like crap." I think that people have beaten us down for so long it's like we feel we don't deserve to feel good, but we do. We so deserve it every day of our lives!!!
                Goal 1: Today
                Goal 2: Tomorrow

                Comment

                  #9
                  Lack of Self Confidence

                  There's that great phrase (somebody wrote a self-help book with this title), lukalee, that applies here:

                  "Feel the fear... and do it, anyway!"

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Lack of Self Confidence

                    I love that WIP!!! Fear is one of those things that holds me back, and then I look back and think, "Why didn't I do that? I really wish I had."
                    Goal 1: Today
                    Goal 2: Tomorrow

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Lack of Self Confidence

                      Lukalee, I do have a fear of both success and failure. Tough spot to be in. I guess I will have to deal with it. Fear is so paralyzing.
                      sigpic
                      Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUT

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Lack of Self Confidence

                        My Heart,

                        Some really great responses to your thread here. I'm with Luka. i think sometimes we have to simply FORCE ourselves to step out of our "comfort zone" and do something that scares the shit out of us. What's the worse that can happen?? I've never been asked to model--OMG--but I've done some things since I sobered up that I would never even have considered in the past. You will be AMAZED at how good it will make you feel. It will boost your confidence and therefore you'll try something else, and THAT will make you feel good about yourself and pretty soon you'll be saying--"I CAN DO ANYTHING!!!"

                        JUST DO IT--I don't think you'll regret it!:h:h:h
                        _______________
                        NF since June 1, 2008
                        AF since September 28, 2008
                        DrunkFree since June 1, 2008
                        _____________
                        :wings: In memory of MDbiker aka Bear.
                        5/4/2010 In loving memory of MaryAnne. I pray you've found peace my friend.
                        _______________
                        The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.ray:

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Lack of Self Confidence

                          Wow, All great responses, Thank You sooo much! My best friend thinks I'm crazy not to do all this stuff people ask me, she would LOVE to do it and never even think twice about nervouseness yet they're not asking her, isn't it interesting the way life works....and I would LOVE to have her confidence.

                          OK, I agreed to do one fashion show & a TV interview (I figure they can edit that, LOL) baby steps. Oh dear, What have I gotten myself into!
                          Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice.
                          - George Jackson

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Lack of Self Confidence

                            Yea!!! That is fabulous. Have a super time!!!
                            Goal 1: Today
                            Goal 2: Tomorrow

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Lack of Self Confidence

                              Great--good for you!!! Be sure to let us know how it goes!!!:goodjob:
                              _______________
                              NF since June 1, 2008
                              AF since September 28, 2008
                              DrunkFree since June 1, 2008
                              _____________
                              :wings: In memory of MDbiker aka Bear.
                              5/4/2010 In loving memory of MaryAnne. I pray you've found peace my friend.
                              _______________
                              The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.ray:

                              Comment

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