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    #1

    Anyone in this predicament???

    Just wondering if anyone has the same problem I do. I'm ready and willing to be AF -- God knows I want it sooo bad. However, wife is a heavy drinker and has no intention of quitting anytime soon, so it's always in the house. I buy it, uncork it, and pour it. Now I'll admit I do like the wine and as long as the wife is drinking I find it very hard to give up, but I think it would be much easier if the spouse was a non-drinker. Does anyone else have this challenge? Any advice?

    Thanks..........
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    #2
    Anyone in this predicament???

    Not in that predicament. However, my husband is a chronic pain sufferer and any type of drugs I might need to ward of my anxiety is available. I see my only way out is to get out of the situation - do you know anywhere, anyone you can stay with that you can trust to help you through this - I know it's a stretch, but if you are around it all the time I don't know how to avoid to temptation. Is your spouse at all willing to seek counselling - can you talk to her and let her know you really want to stop drinking and can she respect that need and seek counselling? If not, maybe time to have a trial separation - time apart to evaluate. Just a thought. I wish you all the best. At least you realize the problem and maybe in the end you can help both yourself and your spouse.

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      #3
      Anyone in this predicament???

      Destiny -- good thoughts -- thank you. My feeling is I can't ask wife to change her ways as long as the beast has a hold on me. It's the old people who live in glass houses don't throw stones analogy.

      Separation is not an option right now - I need to take care of her regardless of what it's doing to me.:thanks:

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        #4
        Anyone in this predicament???

        I know there are many here who have spouses who drink heavily. Although hard they have made it work for themselves.

        I have a husband who drinks, but does not have a problem with it. We have talked about my problem with it. The kudzu, meds, and hypnotherapy cd's have reduced my alcohol cravings so much that I have decided that at least for now I don't need to have alcohol removed from the house. He can drink moderately in my presence and it does not bother me. We have an agreement that if I am in a place mentally where it would bother me it is my responsiblity to tell him ahead of time. And he has been really good (most of the time) about asking if I'm ok before popping the beer cap.

        If you don't have that kind of support at home, you will h ave it here!

        Tell us more about you! Have you read the MWO book? Do you have a plan?

        periwinkle
        Even baby mountain goats must learn to tackle the smallest mountains first. sigpic

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          #5
          Anyone in this predicament???

          Oh, I didn't see Destiny's reply before I replied. Separation is not necessarily the answer right now. That could be premature. There are many wise people here that can help you through this. At least please try!
          Even baby mountain goats must learn to tackle the smallest mountains first. sigpic

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            #6
            Anyone in this predicament???

            Destiny, you ok hun?

            periwinkle
            Even baby mountain goats must learn to tackle the smallest mountains first. sigpic

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              #7
              Anyone in this predicament???

              Hi Smokey,

              Saw you in chat earlier. Although I am not in that situation, I think if I was, I would try and make my spouse identify with "our" need for change and see if she would agree to come alongside you? It would be like two people who both had a 100 lbs to lose (okay, that's a lot... lets say 50!), and both know their health hangs by a thread unless they change their eating habits... both are frustrated and love their favorite comfort food. So one day one of them comes up with a "do-able" plan and says, will you come alongside and do this with me?

              If she is completely un-agreeable and is not acknowledging or willing to admit or make changes, then I guess plan B is in order... not sure what that is, but it is whatever it takes to get your life back.

              We are all here... hoping you and your wife can do this together!
              If you do not live the life you believe, you will believe the life you live.

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                #8
                Anyone in this predicament???

                well first who are you doing this for... yourself or her .. if its for you then thats easy just do it ..
                you sound you already know what you want.. so go for it and do what you have to for yourself and no one else .. there is al all over the place ..where ever you go in ever store .. so it has to be your choice..
                stay strong and think positive
                :beach: life does change as long as you are willing to change yourself ..
                best thing about the future it comes one day at a time..

                Comment

                  #9
                  Anyone in this predicament???

                  You cant escape it. God knows I wish we could, but T is right it is EVERYWHERE! Don't buy it, uncork it, pour it...if she wants it...let her do it for herself.
                  Forever loved, forever missed Papa Bear

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                    #10
                    Anyone in this predicament???

                    My husband encourages me to drink and offers me drinks, when I refuse he continues to offer and offer drinks and then finally ends up saying things like "You know you need it".....amazing really. So at the end of the day it is up to YOU because most people do drink or encourage us to drink.

                    Stay strong!
                    Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice.
                    - George Jackson

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                      #11
                      Anyone in this predicament???

                      My husband still drinks... a lot. I buy the beer at the grocery store every day and he drinks all evening, every evening. I thought it would bother me more than it did....I am now at 90 days AF and it has no affect on me at all. I only wish he would stop drinking for his own health...I worry terribly for his well-being. Your wife needs to reach her own decision to quit...when she is ready to make that committment. In a perfect world it would be great to quit together but you both need to be ready. I wish you both the best on your journey. Just know it is not impossible to quit when your wife still drinks...feel free to PM me anytime. Kriger
                      "People usually fail when they are on the verge of success. So give as much care to the end as to the beginning." Lao-Tzu

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                        #12
                        Anyone in this predicament???

                        Hi Smokey, My hubby drinks too and he smokes. He is not a problem drinker as such but he really enjoys it. I have taken the attitude that I cannot avoid situations where there are alcohol or smoking so I have to get my mindset to a place where I do it for me. Also, in a way, I dont want him to give up on my behalf i want to know that I can succeed on my own terms. As time goes on, the changes I am making to my life become more ingrained and what others do is less of an issue for me.
                        Good luck, I hope this helps in some small way,
                        Living now and not just existing since 9th July 2008
                        Nicotine Free since 6th February 2009

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                          #13
                          Anyone in this predicament???

                          My hubby is very understanding and one of my biggest supporters when I went AF..... but he still drank. He doesn't have a problem with AL and he likes his one or two toots in the evening. He did offer to go AF with me when I started but it didn't last long. What I have noticed though is that due to me not drinking his intake has cut right down.... he mentioned to me that he is more consious of the amount he drinks now.

                          At the end of the day I was doing this for myself and not for him... I figure that AL is on offer where ever I go, not only at home so it makes me stronger if I can face it and not hide everytime I see someone having a drink.
                          "The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it"

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                            #14
                            Anyone in this predicament???

                            Thanks to all for the good avice. Bottom line is at the end of the day it's up to me and no one else.

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                              #15
                              Anyone in this predicament???

                              My husband is a serious wine collector and drinker, he has over 250 bottles in the garage!!!! - he is also a medical doctor - every heard the phrase "an alcoholic is someone who drinks more than their doctor!!"" LOL!! He is not terribly supportive of my trying to quit alcohol - refuses to think that I have a problem - even though I was drinking 30-50 units a week - and he of all people should know this is dangerous levels. He himself probably drinks 20-30 units but doesn't drink every day and doesn't seem to have a real problem just enjoys it. He also has a very good knowledge of certain wines and likes to talk about them!! He orders it in in bulk from a wine club and has it delivered. The guy at the wine club the other day commented, when he was placing an order, that his consumption had gone down drastically this year and he explained his wife was going tee total and they both had a good laugh about it! He is constantly trying to convince me I can moderate - which I know I can't (have failed on several occasions after good AF stints) and all in all I wish he would be more supportive. If I ask him to quit for a while to try and help me he gets angry and says that he doesn't have a problem so why should he have to miss out. I must amit his consumption has gone down since I've been sober off and on - I think he is more aware of what he drinks.

                              Like others have said - you are in this for you and at the end of the day its up to you and you alone. You have to be strong to succeed and alcohol will always tempt you somewhere even if it is not around your home - that's the way I look at it. Just as no-one can stop an alcoholic drinking if they are not ready to change, no-one can stop you succeeding if you are really determined to.

                              Good luck on your journey.

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