Anyone in this predicament???

[river0123]

Anyone in this predicament???

Like Heart Drenched, mine is also trying to get me to drink. We drift further apart each day. There is a lot of pressure building up already for his birthday on the 15th, where he will expect/get mad if I don't drink. I feel stressed out already, but I'm not going to let one day blow all my progress.
It's one more stumbling block, but possible to do. Just set your goals in place and run with it.
And Welcome!:welcome:

[frances]

Anyone in this predicament???

Yes, my husband also drinks daily. And not always so moderately either, but generally he does not have a big problem. When I first started trying to go AF, it was right around my birthday - he got me a Sommelier book as one of my gifts (Actually it's OK as I plan to moderate and I do love a good glass of wine with a good meal!) Another day he opened a bottle of wine even though he himself had no intention of drinking. Of course, that was one of the days I slipped :-(

I think it was some sort of denial thing. I know I mentioned to him that I was trying to stop drinking so much. But I hadn't completel opened up about my drinking or what I was doing, but it had been a couple of weeks and there is no way he didn't notice - I'd gone from several glasses of wine and other drinks every night, more on weekends, to none! Anyway, then I brought it up and told him my plans (trying to go 30 days AF then moderate) and he really didn't have much to say. Certainly nothing very supportive. Interestingly, one day he came home while I was out and saw this site up on the computer. I hadn't told him about it. He seems to have been very supportive since then. Though he right away said that he was not in the same place as me and was not planning to change his habits. He and I have talked in the past that we both feel we drink too much, so I know he has that in the back of his mind. Hopefully my changing will motivate him to as well. He drinks mixed drinks so that helps me because I was primarily a wine drinker, though mixed drinks and beer get in there pretty often as well.

Good luck, everyone has had such great advice here I don't really have anything to add!

Frances

[hart]

Anyone in this predicament???

I'm getting to the point I'm going AF now. Joe and I drink lots daily. And I want to start living more of a life. I hope Joe wants to go AF too. It sure was easier when we were in it together.

[sunshine_gg]

Anyone in this predicament???

Wow

It must be so much harder if you have a partner who is not supportive or even pushes the drink on ya You gals and guys are amazing for staying with it!

I'm so sorry to hear that and just realized how blessed I am.

[Ripple]

Anyone in this predicament???

Let the other go!!!! i went 8 months not drinking while my husband went out like a movie star and now he is so into drinking he will be getting a DUI soon. Hanging with him is all drink.. i tried it and i am missing nothing .... all i am getting is a tummy ache, a shitty looking face, bad feelings, and he is really a bag of shit when drunk. who needs that> :H


PREDICAMENT- CUT IT LOOSE

[plumeria45]

Anyone in this predicament???

I told my husband I was on the wagon (On the wagon) interesting where the (on the wagon ) phrase came from.......I asked please do not buy white wine for me (he always buys it) I asked him to support my decision and he has .......(4 days AF ) he drinks beer which I do not like so no problem there, I will drink other AL but usually after I have drank all of my white wine and I want more to drink and no wine in house. It would be hard if he liked white wine as his main drink, thankfully it is only beer. I decide to be honest with him because he never gets mad at my no matter how much I drink, he just asks if I am OK which makes me feeling more guilty wasting another evening and then next day with hangover, I guess I am a nice drunk:H I have to do this for me as he thinks it is no problem or if he does he never tells me it is, I guess I should ask him if he gets worried I will go off the deep end,

Plumeria

[DestinyBloom]

Anyone in this predicament???

Periwinkle - not really. Just hanging on day by day, trying to get through. But thanks for asking.

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

Anyone in this predicament???

river0123;459017 wrote: Like Heart Drenched, mine is also trying to get me to drink. We drift further apart each day. There is a lot of pressure building up already for his birthday on the 15th, where he will expect/get mad if I don't drink. I feel stressed out already, but I'm not going to let one day blow all my progress.
It's one more stumbling block, but possible to do. Just set your goals in place and run with it.
And Welcome!:welcome:

My BFF recently got pretty rude with me about not drinking on her birthday, I think that is so NOT OK. On your husband's birthday you can pretend to drink, it's kind of fun, take a wee sip and then chuck it in the bushes or pour it down the drain. Make the best of these situations :H

I really believe anyone that is encouraging us to drink has serious issues. My husband is bipolar and is not always thinking clearly. I believe he likes me drunk so I don't notice his "disordered" thinking as much....I love him anyway, we all have flaws. Just recognizing the patterns of those that encourage us in the wrong direction is empowering.

[river0123]

Anyone in this predicament???

I think we'll do a comedy club, where he will need a designated driver anyway. We never went out much because we both wanted to get drunk (and not drive). At least that will be a good excuse...
My BFF just asked me today if we could drink wine when she comes to visit. Where the heck is Prohibition when we need it?:H

[Reenie]

Anyone in this predicament???

Think of Yourself and Your needs and wants. Try to go one day at a time without taking a drink regardless of whether or not your wife is drinking. Do your darndest not to give into temptation. Where does it get you anyway? Is drinking really all that exciting? Maybe the first few are..... Try to break old habits and create new ones. Start taking walks in the woods, going bike riding, racking your yard.... In time, your wife will recognize your efforts and see you improve both mentally and physically. This could possibly inspire her to call it quits.

[Waiting for his way out]

Anyone in this predicament???

I am disappointed in some of the human behavior.. I don't understand why someone would be upset if a husband or wife is trying to stop drinking! are they afraid you will become someone else or become yourself and in the process you will not like them anymore or see them in a different light? That is possible, but it should not win over someone's desire to be sober.
Please think of yourself and take your own path to be AF. Find someone else to be your support, don't give up. you are worth it, life is worth it. It is the only one we have.

[smokey1949]

Anyone in this predicament???

Thanks Waiting, and to all who responded to this thread. You all have helped me learn about myself in the process.

To those who suggested leaving and moving on: Not an option as we have been married too long for that (39yrs)

To those who suggested it's up to me to quit if I'm serious about this despite the obstacles: That hit me right between the eyes, but you're right. Suggesting my problem is someone else's fault is wrong. I'm in total control of what I am and who I am.

Thanks to all who replied, and the new friends I've met on this journey.

Smokey

:thanks:

[startingover]

Anyone in this predicament???

Smokey, you are sounding good and positve tonight! Great to hear.
Do you have a next step in place?

[Prest4time]

Anyone in this predicament???

Smokey,

Good for you being determined to stick with your marriage and do this for you. Something someone said to me a few years ago when sadly, I was the one encouraging a girlfriend who was a non-drinker to "c'mon... have a glass of wine" and I will never forget what she said to me. She very confidently said, "You know, freedom to drink is not freedom if you are not free to NOT drink." Wow. Talk about putting my tail between my legs!

Anyone pressuring you to drink, especially if they know you struggle, is obviously not walking in freedom from alcohol themselves.

Does anyone have spouses who do NOT drink that have encouraged them to continue drinking when they are trying to quit or cut back? I am genuinely curious.

Hats off to you Smokey!

[SAUSAGE]

Anyone in this predicament???

Smokey

Good for you - you sound positive and I believe you have come to the right decision for yourself. Your wife will only quit / cut down drastically if she wants to however much you plead with her and I believe the best way to do this is to lead by example, not nag but just for her to see on a daily basis how much your life improves in every way by not drinking and then, she might , just might cut down - or even quit - who knows , stranger things have happened.

Good luck on your journey
Sausage