I am using the tools of this web site, along with the tools from Smart Recovery. One of the first questions in the homework is: "What did you enjoy most about your addition?"
So I am asking others here what they enjoyed most.
For me, it was the ability to turn off my harsh inner critic. My mother was abusive, always cutting me down. So I developed a pretty poor self image. I think there was a steady stream of negative self chatter in my mind, which I call my Thought Monster, always putting myself down. In the sober world, there is no escaping Mr. Thought Monster. The irony is that I appear to be very successful, two Ivy league degrees, etc. But Mr. Thought Monster told me I was just fooling people.
The alcohol was a way to turn off Mr. Thought Monster. (Of course, it turned off my entire brain! But desperate steps for desperate people.) I drank to get drunk, to turn off the negative self chatter in my head. A break from my inner tyrant. What a wonderful relief it was!
I am interested in the experiences of others.
Thanks.
Comment