I am not too sure what to write here but I feel I need to write something. Please forgive me if it turns into a ramble, but I want to keep a record of my feelings and how I am dealing with things.
Today after 13 years of working for the same company I was made redundant. Over the last few years my job has changed drastically. I work for a bank within the IT department dealing with compliance and audit issues. Although in some ways it was expected, the reality and the shock when the email landed in my in box telling me to "Attend a Briefing Session at 10am today" was a big one. There were 2 others in my team who are affected too. They have both been with the company for 25 years each so between us we have a lot of history there. What I am trying to get at is how I am dealing with such a big situation without my old friend alcohol to numb the shock. This is going to be a test for me.
The first thing I was advised to do by well meaning colleagues was "open a bottle" isnt that a shame? So many of us deal with the tough situations with numbing our feelings. But how tempting was that initially? My very first thought was I wanted to smoke, and then have a drink. Thankfully, these were fleeting thoughts and not dwelled on but they were there all the same.
Anyway, on the up side, I will get a good redundancy package. I am very lucky in that respect. Also I had been feeling in a rut for ages. This is going to force my hand to do something about my life and make the changes that are desperately overdue. For sure it is a mixed bag of emotions running through me at the moment and I dont thing it has really sunk in yet.
Right now its 2am in the UK, the sleep fairy is avoiding me so I thought it would be good to jot down my feelings. Thats the blessing here, whatever the time, whatever the situation there is always something going on on the site to take a busy mind out of its own worry for a while.
I am mainly numb, but there are fleeting moments of excitement, and fleeting moments of fear. I am hoping that in time the excitement will take over and I will see this as a blessing and an opportunity to be grabbed with both hands to make more of my life. It will be phase 2 of my journey. Phase 1 was stopping the drinking cycle. As some of you know, I have been going through what I call the "what nexts?" what happens when a massive change is made and things are better but not everything is wonderful? The honeymoon period and the excitement of being sober is over so its time to make bigger changes to enhance an already very different life. I am thankful that I am now about 4 months sober so I already have a little experience of dealing with lifes ups and downs with a clear head.
Yes I am scared, yes I am excited but deep down I know I will be OK.
Thanks for listening
Today after 13 years of working for the same company I was made redundant. Over the last few years my job has changed drastically. I work for a bank within the IT department dealing with compliance and audit issues. Although in some ways it was expected, the reality and the shock when the email landed in my in box telling me to "Attend a Briefing Session at 10am today" was a big one. There were 2 others in my team who are affected too. They have both been with the company for 25 years each so between us we have a lot of history there. What I am trying to get at is how I am dealing with such a big situation without my old friend alcohol to numb the shock. This is going to be a test for me.
The first thing I was advised to do by well meaning colleagues was "open a bottle" isnt that a shame? So many of us deal with the tough situations with numbing our feelings. But how tempting was that initially? My very first thought was I wanted to smoke, and then have a drink. Thankfully, these were fleeting thoughts and not dwelled on but they were there all the same.
Anyway, on the up side, I will get a good redundancy package. I am very lucky in that respect. Also I had been feeling in a rut for ages. This is going to force my hand to do something about my life and make the changes that are desperately overdue. For sure it is a mixed bag of emotions running through me at the moment and I dont thing it has really sunk in yet.
Right now its 2am in the UK, the sleep fairy is avoiding me so I thought it would be good to jot down my feelings. Thats the blessing here, whatever the time, whatever the situation there is always something going on on the site to take a busy mind out of its own worry for a while.
I am mainly numb, but there are fleeting moments of excitement, and fleeting moments of fear. I am hoping that in time the excitement will take over and I will see this as a blessing and an opportunity to be grabbed with both hands to make more of my life. It will be phase 2 of my journey. Phase 1 was stopping the drinking cycle. As some of you know, I have been going through what I call the "what nexts?" what happens when a massive change is made and things are better but not everything is wonderful? The honeymoon period and the excitement of being sober is over so its time to make bigger changes to enhance an already very different life. I am thankful that I am now about 4 months sober so I already have a little experience of dealing with lifes ups and downs with a clear head.
Yes I am scared, yes I am excited but deep down I know I will be OK.
Thanks for listening
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