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DO YOU THINK PEOPLE DRIVE YOU TO DRINK??

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    #1

    DO YOU THINK PEOPLE DRIVE YOU TO DRINK??

    I have a particularly horrid ex, cleverly horrid if you know what I mean. Nearly 18 and a half years I have tolerated. Trouble is he is the father of my kids and he has a stinky sister and honestly they are nasty!! My opinion, but they are!! Not my kind of folk. I am a calm, kind soul (I think) however I have dealings with them, obviously cos my kids do and wham it makes me want to get blind drunk or reach out for something?? I have read about toxic people a bit like toxic waste and I wonder if one should stay away from such influences cos they are driving me insane. I was supposed to go to a bonfire display, but I could not do it. Physically or mentally and got a bottle of gin. Kids telling me 'ah come on mum it will be ok', and gradually I realised it was not!! I do not like the pair of them. Bloody ridiculous and then I analyse I was doing so well and then maybe other folk affect me. Perhaps I should go and live in the outer hebrides. Not all folk, but they have given me a lot of crap over the years and when alcohol has to leave do others follow??

    any realistic suggestions will be gratefully received. By the way never got one penny maintenance, so I aint no money grabber. I let them rot. It is this drinking alcohol that is getting me down.:thanks:
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    #2
    DO YOU THINK PEOPLE DRIVE YOU TO DRINK??

    (((Maddiva)))

    There are definitely toxic people. There is one where I work I used to go out to lunch with all the time. Everything and everyone was negative to her. I ended up eating too much or drinking. So now eat lunch at my desk or very rarely go out with her. It helps me a lot.

    I also have no relationship w/my father. There is a lot of history of things there and my hubby who my father will not have in his house, urges me to go visit him. But I always feel awful afterward and I just have made up my mind it's not worth it.

    So hell yes, if you don't want to see your ex or his sister, what the hey. The only time you may have to is when your kids marry, graduate or have kids of their own.:l

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      #3
      DO YOU THINK PEOPLE DRIVE YOU TO DRINK??

      Maddiva, the best way to deal with an ex-husband is to have the minimum contact possible. Remain calm and civil as much as you can. I don't know how old your children are, but you can explain to them Mom and Dad don't get along very well and it is best we only see each other as little as possible for now. Eventually children learn and understand how each parent is and how to deal with them separately. That is my best advise to you based on my divorce in 1995.
      Good luck.

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        #4
        DO YOU THINK PEOPLE DRIVE YOU TO DRINK??

        I definetly think there are toxic people, Why is it the worst ones seem to be family. Probably because at some time or another we have to have contact with them to be fair with the ones we do want to see. Like Holidays. I spoke with another member at my AA meeting about my sister driving me to drink. Somehow we have to get around this destructive behavior, no one should have control over our sobriety. I do think we have to detach from these people and do our very best to find other ways to cope. My therapist, AA, and a book called codependent no more have been very helpful. Best to you.

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          #5
          DO YOU THINK PEOPLE DRIVE YOU TO DRINK??

          Yes, I would recommend the co-dependent no more book. it brought me out of the dark, angry, lonely and lost state I was in. It saved my relationship with hubby.

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            #6
            DO YOU THINK PEOPLE DRIVE YOU TO DRINK??

            Yes people can drive you to drink, but who pays the prices????? You do.

            Sammys

            I for one am a stress drinker, but I have learned things since coming here.
            Take it easy.

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              #7
              DO YOU THINK PEOPLE DRIVE YOU TO DRINK??

              Could'nt agree more. My mother, and my sister, are major triggers for me. Both say they have my best interests at heart, but both also think I should just 'get over it' ..... "you like a drink, lots of people do" HA oh the ignorance! My mother says she never treated me any different from my sister, and my sister tells me "we had the same up bringing, so why are you like this, whilst I am normal??". Since whenever I can remember, it has been them and me. It is my mother's mission to to have us all get on but I am the 'black sheep', cuz I dont 'make the effort'. The more they push, the more I run. Kat 20 - my therapist too says I have to put myself and getting well, above everything, and if that means distancing myself from my mum and sister then that is what I have to do, and under no circumstances should I be made to feel guilty. She wants them to be present at my next appointment !. Says they need to be made aware how their behaviour affects mine. I am not sure I want them there. Incidentally My dad died when I was 21, so it's just mum, sis.... and me.
              Lead me not into temptation, I can find the way myself!!!

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                #8
                DO YOU THINK PEOPLE DRIVE YOU TO DRINK??

                SIT

                You know your sister and mother may listen to your therapist more than they have ever listened to you, maybe she can make things better for you. I think it's worth a shot myself. If I were still seeing a T and they suggested a joint appointment with my dad and hubby I would do it. :l

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                  #9
                  DO YOU THINK PEOPLE DRIVE YOU TO DRINK??

                  Thanks Heart. It's just I am very guarded about what I talk about with my therapist. When I answered a question my mom asked me about my appointment,I was honest, and she didn't like my answer. I therefore feel I dont want to tell them or have them involved, in whats looking to be the most promising treatment I have had in years.
                  Lead me not into temptation, I can find the way myself!!!

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                    #10
                    DO YOU THINK PEOPLE DRIVE YOU TO DRINK??

                    Hi maddiva.

                    It`s not what people do to upset us that drives us to drink........it is how we react to their nastiness, so, in all honesty, we can choose to allow what they do to drive us to drink (if we choose to react that way), or...........we can rise above all their shit and refuse to drink over their treatment of us. People like those are soooooooo NOT worth drinking over.

                    Star x
                    Formerly known as Starlight Impress.

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                      #11
                      DO YOU THINK PEOPLE DRIVE YOU TO DRINK??

                      Star, you couldn't be more right it is how we react towards these people. Only you can control your reaction to people. God knows my MIL could drive a dog to drunkeness. I have learned to limit the contact and let what she says just roll off like raindrops.
                      M

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                        #12
                        DO YOU THINK PEOPLE DRIVE YOU TO DRINK??

                        I think many of us have used it as yet another of the many excuses we tell ourselves as to WHY we drink. I know when I drink heavily my ex-fiance's family was driving me insane with ridiculous accusations in regards to his death. His Mother even took flowers I had put out for his b-day at his wreck site and threw them in my front yard...sent me on a week long binge for sure. But, I COULD have chosen the high road. There are always goning to be crazy folks out there.
                        Forever loved, forever missed Papa Bear

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