Do You Deserve a Drink, Today?

[gabby]

Do You Deserve a Drink, Today?

ya......I like that! Thank you wip'ster. Good stuff.

[Levi]

Do You Deserve a Drink, Today?

Wip..I to appreciated your well written thoughts. I was actually just thinking about this concept this morning as I was heading to the gym, alcohol has been my friend. I had to get out of the house and do something positive and healthy for my mind and body because i woke with a level of anxiety and stress that made me realise that I would be tempted to drink today. i am actually sitting in my room now (obviously at my PC) tempted still. Ironically for me this is the home of my drinking, always in front of the pc!!...so MYO has become the substitute! I haven't been able to post my own thread yet, think I need to subscribe to do that? though I have noticed that you are very active in welcoming new members, this is why i especially appreciated your thoughts today. Though in addition to the idea of alcohol being a reward for me I am having to grow in appreciation that alcohol has become a life style of entertainment, a time filler, a legitimised habit and a crutch every time i feel mildly distressed. Unfortunately i feel distressed and anxious often and have always allowed myself to have a drink to calm me. The aftermath is a compounded feeling of depression and regret and fear, usually about what happened? I am a gay man and know that under the influence of alcohol i have compromised my sexual health. i am afraid today that i might get a positive HIV result soon...I want to drink now to forget...but I'm here instead..and if I do get a +ve result I will want to drink then...but I know that if I have to wake to the realisation that i have HIV plus a hand over it will be worse than HIV alone...I have been alchol free for 3 days now (a choice that grew out of my inability to met my family and work commitments and to compromising the health of my body)...I would like to thank you for you incites and letting me share a little of my story here...I'm screaming a bit on the inside today and don't feel like I want to drag my family and friends into this life drama with a conversation... so MYO is my little saviour....I am hopeful that this time of stress will pass and I will move into that space of gratitude

[A Work in Progress]

Do You Deserve a Drink, Today?

Hi, Levi. Brave post. Good for you. One of the very difficult things about giving up the crutch, the haze, the voluntary brain damage (my current favorite label for the activity of consuming alcohol) is waking up to whatever we drank to (try to) avoid. Of course, avoiding the scary and messy stuff never makes it go away, and often it gets worse.

Worrying about HIV is a terribly scary thing to be hanging over your head. It will be good to get tested soon, so you can either lay those fears to rest, or get moving on the proper treatment regimen. I know you know that, of course...

As to family and friends, and conversations with them.... take it slow, get to where you are feeling stronger and steadier, decide what you want to say, and to whom, and (very important) think long and hard about what expectations you might be entertaining as to what those conversations will produce for you. What are you hoping for? Is it realistic? What are you fearing, and can you survive if the things you fear, actually happen? What support can you have in place, in case the conversations do not go well?

You can get great support here, just stick around and keep posting. And you can post a new thread of your own any time; just go to the list of the different areas, like "Just Starting Out," and you will see a button over on the left for "new thread."

Keep talking to us, and let us know how you are doing!

wip

[Levi]

Do You Deserve a Drink, Today?

thanks WIP..i appreciate hearing back from you and your advise. Will keep you posted. I have to be at work tonight..its late arvo here in Oz so i am just going out to go get my self some yummy food and soke up a bit of sun and treat myself to a nice cold tall glass of Soda water...think you call it Seltza in the US!

[DeeBee]

Do You Deserve a Drink, Today?

Thanks WIP for a great post.
I haven't been around much the last week and I KNOW that I needed to read this today!

Welcome Levi! Congrats on notching up your AF days and thanks for sharing a bit of your story with us. Give me a holler if you need a shoulder to lean on.

[Bella]

Do You Deserve a Drink, Today?

Thankyou WIP.....a very good post and i will read it again and again.....you are so right. Bella XXXX

[Tom 4.0]

Do You Deserve a Drink, Today?

Thank you WIP.

I made it through yesterday AF, and this morning I am indeed GRATEFUL.

Tom

[A Work in Progress]

Do You Deserve a Drink, Today?

SAUSAGE;464265 wrote: with ending a relationship with alcohol, you need to move from the deprivation mode to the gratitude mode and those that are not able to do this will either fail time and time again or else will succeed by sheer willpower but me miserable all their life.

That's exactly the point, Sausage. People are not made in such a way that it is realistic to expect that they will voluntarily do something (or give up something) every day, if it (the doing of it, or the giving up of it) is a source of unhappiness for them. They will do it if they feel they really have to, but even then, they will usually not do it well, and they will try to get around it, and they will spend a lot of time being miserable.

What we often forget is that we have quite a bit of control over how we think about things. We are not merely prisoners, or victims, of our thoughts and impulses. The Greek philosophers recognized this, thousands of years ago: within our own minds, we create the way we look at things, and in doing so, we make our lives happy... or miserable.

But there's a catch: it takes WORK to change one's attitude, viewpoint, and way of thinking about things. It is work, just like moving furniture around (which I did yesterday) is work. It is mental work, something we do within our own minds. We pay attention to what and how we are thinking, and if what is going on in our head is counterproductive, likely to lead to self-destructive behavior, or self-pity... then we stop that train of thought. Stop it in its tracks. No need to get hostile with ourselves about that (that tends to make the situation worse); just shift attention to something else. One way to shift attention is to remind ourselves of the OTHER PERSPECTIVE about the situation (if we have been thinking it would be lovely to drink some wine, we shift our train of thought to some of the things that have happened when we DID drink some wine, OR to how great it feels to have the trust and respect of our families, again). Or just shift attention to something else, altogether; go to MWO and read some inspiring posts, or write about how you are dealing with a struggle; or go for a walk.

It's work. But it is SO worth it.

wip

[Sunbeam]

Do You Deserve a Drink, Today?

This reminds me of dealing with my mentally ill sister. No matter what I do, it is never enough, she still seems to feel deprived and wants more. The deprived mode does not enable good psychological health.

[KAT20]

Do You Deserve a Drink, Today?

WIP, Great post, I am going to print that and keep it with me.