Was there a Defining Moment?

[Bandit]

Can I ask a question - was there a defining moment where those of you who have given up AL for good, decided that enough was enough - what made you make the decision??
xx

[AAthlete]

Was there a Defining Moment?

Yep. My bottom came when I passed out on the couch with my son while my wife was at school. She came home and found us laying there, and the next day was planning on leaving and taking my son with her. I asked for for one more chance (just like so many others she had already given me many chances) and headed off to AA the next morning. At the time didn't believe in AA but was ready to do whatever it took to keep our family together and, despite a few initial hiccups, I haven't looked back.

[Bandit]

Was there a Defining Moment?

Thank you AA
xx

[Mackeral]

Was there a Defining Moment?

I dont think their was one defining moment...Just an accumilation of moments..that should have been defining..I am proud of the fact i have never been unfaithful but am disgusted at other things i have done and said while under the influence..or trying to get money for beer..Also finding out about Callum our youngest this year had a big effect on my life..I think he made me grow up a bit..
I think one of the major things that helped was being able to make my own mind up when i went sober..And not being pressured into it..The time was right..

[Bella]

Was there a Defining Moment?

Before I say this....I hav consequently gone back to drinking...but try to mod now.....at the moment anyway....i know, stupid.

But I DID have a defining moment about a year ago..no more....when I attempted the worst thing imaginable and my family became involved......that was it for me then...bye bye alcohol.....but it didnt last unforunately.....Ah well, I did learn a big lesson .....that it will never be THAT bad again.

Bella XXXX

[A Work in Progress]

Was there a Defining Moment?

Great thread, Bandit! For me (this time around) it was in the midst of dealing with my mother's illness and hospitalizations. Despite all my efforts, she had been getting pretty lousy care, and the whole thing had been exhausting and frustrating. I had just hired a geriatric care manager, but we had not yet gotten Mother to a competent physician for a proper evaluation. I started drinking earlier than usual on that day, and drank (even) more than usual, fell asleep out in the front yard on a bench, woke up out there and slowly made my way back into the house, dizzy and sick. Worst of all was that I realized, the next day, that I'd had a 20 minute phone conversation with the new care manager at some point during all that, and I remembered absolutely nothing about the conversation. I was utterly appalled and humiliated. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I am very grateful for it!

wip

[Bandit]

Was there a Defining Moment?

Thank you for your answers, and possibly answering many of mine too
Gosh - this is really hard isn'it and yet so incredibly easy at the same time - to know what to do is such a ready at hand answer why is it so damned hard?
xx

[cymru]

Was there a Defining Moment?

My lies. Lying about anything and everything so that i could drink. The bottle became more important than even my family and child, and i knew then that this had to stop.

[river0123]

Was there a Defining Moment?

In June I barely woke up in time to vomit. I think I could have died that night and my kids would have been the ones to find their mom in that ugly, sad way (I had passed out in my boy's room). I have been given a second chance and am determined not to waste this life.

[changemylife]

Was there a Defining Moment?

Let me start by saying I am by far not out of the weeds yet. I am approching my 2nd goal of 60 days.

My defining moment is a comination of a big cluster fuck of stupid, unproductive, dangerous things I've done. I had one big bash weekend in me at the end of the summer and decided that I needed to focus on the future.

I knew I was going to have a lot on my plate in the years to come so I needed to step up to the plate with a clear mind. I am now being responsible and not careless. I am productive rather than making it through the day. I dont want to lose my business is this bad economy. I don't want to lose everything I have worked so hard for prior to being a mind numbing closet drinker who would occasionally come out of the closet and make a fool of himself in public.

[kriger]

Was there a Defining Moment?

My defining time was when I started drinking in the morning. I was at the point that I shook so much in the morning that I needed AL to stop the shaking and "get through" the day which meant that I drank at lunch and also after work too. Weekends became an all day affair. I knew when that started I needed professional help so I was looking for an outpatient program to check into. In that process I was on the internet and found MWO. Within a week of joining I was able to do my first 24 hours AF...I've been able to stay AF since that day thanks to this program and forums. I never actually needed the "professional" help....I am grateful to have escaped that expense and I am grateful to everyone here for the help and understanding I received all along the way. I did supps but no medication. I have been a little bad about the exercise but I know that is a VERY helpful part to this program. My next chapter involves giving up cigs...I put my first patch on today. Wish me luck everyone...I'll need it!!
Kriger

[Popeye]

Was there a Defining Moment?

I was used to passing out and poisoning my body. I was passed being embarrased. I didn't like it, but I was just drifting from one binge to the next. I was a complete arse. I didn't give a hoot about what happened to me until my daughter presented me with a grandchild.

[bestlifeldms]

Was there a Defining Moment?

For me, it was not one "defining moment". But rather, a subtle shift in the way I perceived my drinking and alcohol. People have always thought of me as being very much in-control or in-charge. I wanted them to. That way they would not realize how "unsure" I really was of myself. I used to say, "I can do this! I can control this!" And, as we all know, I couldn't. It was when I finally grew so very weary of fighting against alcohol, that I began to reclaim my control. I said, "I give up! I can't do this, anymore."

It was in that moment that I began to feel my power, once again. I declared to the universe that I could not moderate, I could not drink alcohol like most people can. I knew that there would never be "just one or just a couple" of drinks for me. I knew that if I drank, even just a small amount, again, that it would eventually lead me back to the nights of drinking until I would no longer remember, wondering what I had said or done, feeling like my life was not worth the precious oxygen it consumed on this planet, and believing my loved ones would be far better off, if I ceased to be...

I am 31 weeks sober today, and value every second that I am priveledged to live my sobriety. It still amazes me how alcohol skewes our thought process. I do not think in the same ways, I thought when I drank. I don't see in the same way, I saw when I drank. I don't feel the same things I felt when I drank. It is such a sad waste to think of the years that have passed me by, and the lack of the qualilty of life, that could have been so different, had I made my change sooner. But, so grateful that I made it when I did, and that I am still here to enjoy what I have been blessed with. I will never take it for granted, and I will never tempt fate!

[dlw]

Was there a Defining Moment?

Lying was a becoming to easy for me, but my final decision was when I went to the hospital drunk visiting my daughter in law, who just gave birth. and everyone knew. Shame on me- I realized that I would not be a part of my new grandbabys life if I wasnt going to change. So far (31 days af) its been the best decision I ever made

[CS04]

Was there a Defining Moment?

Bandit, this is a great thread. I almost started a similar one recently. I have been waiting for the Defining Moment -- the one that is going to get me to stop drinking, once and for all. However, I am beginning to think that either A) there is no real defining moment, much like Bestlife said, or B) the defining moment would be something so terrible, like I did something to my son or myself, that I could not live with myself. That scenario terrifies me, and I sure as hell don't want to get to that point. I totally agree with you, Bandit -- why is it so easy, yet so hard?

I have recently had what I think are panic attacks. Never had one in my life till about 2-3 weeks ago, and today had to stay home from work. Heartbeat pounding out of my chest, dizzy/lightheaded, could barely walk down the stairs and couldn't see going back up the stairs. And I was hungover both times, but this was definitely not just a hangover.

And as the witching hour approaches (for me it's 5:00), I know I will want to drink tonight...even though I spent all morning and part of the afternoon in bed. Again, I really didn't feel hungover today. But I said to someone on chat recently that sometimes we feel like shit all the time, so we don't know what it is like to feel good; therefore, we don't think we feel bad.

I am rambling here. I'd like to say that today is/was my defining moment. Or the last panic attack, when I had to ask hubby to come home from work because I didn't think I could take care of our son. Again, these weren't because I was drunk, but I have a sneaking suspicion that they are connected. I thought I REALLY had my defining moment last spring, when I said enough is enough and got supps, topa, CDs..did the MWO program to the letter, and then said fuck it and opened some wine (for something I was cooking, of course).

Someone mentioned a new start date of today -- I know she was from South Africa, but I don't remember the name -- sorry! I would like to say that I will try today. But when I tried AF before, back in May and June, I still felt like shit -- probably why I went back to drinking. But I just don't feel like I can handle anything anymore. I've been upset and stressed, which leads to more drinking and more heart racing fear.

Anyway, if any of you are familiar with a book by Po Bronson called "What Should I Do with My Life?" I thought "Finally! The answer!" But he says that the answer does not come shouting from the rooftops. It comes in whispers, around corners, and we just have to be ready to listen. So maybe that's the Defining Moment. With too much AL we can't hear it. I need to be able to hear it.