I am shocked at how many of us on here have children still at home or even very young. I thought I was the only irresponsible Mom around. Is it because they are so demanding? I love my two but do feel that everything they need comes before me - I think I have some issue here! Poor me - I don't come first. I find the concept of Eat Pray Love very romantic and yet very unrealistic. But I would love to go far away and deal with MY issues. Of course, it would be just like vacation, you can't wait to get away from the kids and as soon as you get there you miss them terribly. Anyone else feel this way?
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"Parenthood remains the greatest single preserve of the amateur." Alvin Toffler -
Why so many Moms in this situation?
C&C, I think that most parents here are just like you. I used to drive to the liquor store, already half bombed, with my son strapped into his car seat. Don't think I won the Parent-Of-The-Year award for that one....
As a group we tend to want to put our needs before everything else in our lives, I think mostly because we are desperately seeking a fix for something that we don't know how to fix on our own. As I've said before, alcohol was but a symptom of my problem - it was what I used to deal with my issues. Until I learned a constructive way to address them there was little hope for my to undergo any type of long-term change.Sobriety Date: June 15, 2007 -- "It's not having what you want, It's wanting what you've got...." -
Why so many Moms in this situation?
Oh, I can understand completely! My youngest is so very needy. She gets up when I get up; goes to sleep when I go to sleep. She still sleeps with me. When I am at home after work she is all over me. You know I can appreciate that my child loves me. But I am in very much need of ME time.... I have'nt had any in over 3 years.
When I was drinking, I found I could cope with all of this better. Nothing seemed to bother me as bad. Now at the end of my 3 months sobriety (with one slip) I find I am irritated and impatient with my kids a lot.
I am relearning on how to be a sober parent. I think a lot of us women get lost in being the caretakers. One day we wake up and are completely exhausted and just yelling out for some time to ourselves. I did that last night. I tried putting my kid down at 7:30 by herself and she screamed bloody murder until 9pm when I was finally pissed off enough and went to bed.
Personally if I am going to remain sober, I need to off load my kid once in a while and just enjoy a break.
Anyway, I understand what you are going through. So many of us are dealing with the same frustrations as you.
and... welcome!Comment
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Why so many Moms in this situation?
Short answer: YES
I will say I am a better mom now that I'm sober. I am a better influence. It was time for me to grow up and realize what is important. I can have my time too, but they do grow up awful fast!:h_______________
NF since June 1, 2008
AF since September 28, 2008
DrunkFree since June 1, 2008
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:wings: In memory of MDbiker aka Bear.
5/4/2010 In loving memory of MaryAnne. I pray you've found peace my friend.
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The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.
ray:Comment
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Why so many Moms in this situation?
Cross-posted accountable--
I agree, we need to take time for ourselves--very important. It takes a little more effort than opening a bottle or a can, but it can be done!!!_______________
NF since June 1, 2008
AF since September 28, 2008
DrunkFree since June 1, 2008
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:wings: In memory of MDbiker aka Bear.
5/4/2010 In loving memory of MaryAnne. I pray you've found peace my friend.
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The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.ray:Comment
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Why so many Moms in this situation?
We love them so much - but they are a huge stress and energy suck - especially when they are very young. Now that mine are a little more independent (still primary grades) they are, honestly a lot more fun! And yes, they drive one to drink!! So much less so now, thankfully. And mine are very well behaved and all as well.
I do so love my kids - they are the most important thing in my life.Comment
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Why so many Moms in this situation?
Accountable,
I thought I was the only one who had a hard time with patience sober. I have 15 days sober. Saturday I was soo frustrated with my 4 yo son that I went in my room, closed the door and started crying. I called my Dad and drove to his house so I could be around more people. It helped a lot just being there. Plus my dad helped me with my son so it wasn't all on me. The next day was soo much better. I am a better mom now. I now take the time to work with my kids so much more, but that day came out of no-where. Overall my patience is better, but that day I had none.
MMComment
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Why so many Moms in this situation?
MM, I can relate. I love my kids more than life itself, but I am finding I am feeling like I am in need of a better balance. My life is work and kids. That is all. No dating, no friends, nothing but that.
As I am going along in this sober world I am finding the need for time for me. Getting out without a kid in tow.
Being a single parent is tough and rewarding. Most of my family resides here, so I just need to be more proactive and ask them to take her once in a while so I can have a life too. I didn't care at all when I was drinking. I want more now.Comment
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Why so many Moms in this situation?
YES!
And mine isin't a baby anymore, but at 13 I often feel ill equipped to deal with some of the things she gets up to.... don't get me started on her latest escapade which has had me in the principals office most of the week.
Saying that, I do feel calmer now when dealing with these issues. So although I don't have the answers to her problems I feel that I can find a way to help her instead of hitting the bottle.
C&C, I will join you on that trip to India, I also thought it sounded heavenly to get away from daily life and just go and find myself."The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it"Comment
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Why so many Moms in this situation?
On the up side though, everything I say to my kids now is of a sober mind. I don't 2nd guess myself so much now. I wake up knowing yesterday I did do the best I could for my kids. That's freedom I couldn't put a price on.
MMComment
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Why so many Moms in this situation?
You are SOOOO not alone here! Not only with the drinking but with the whole unappreciated, no time for herself mom stuff. We get it. I think the single mom feel it more. I am fortunate to have my husband help out, sort of, and I can't imagine not.C&C Mom;465497 wrote: I am shocked at how many of us on here have children still at home or even very young. I thought I was the only irresponsible Mom around. Is it because they are so demanding? I love my two but do feel that everything they need comes before me - I think I have some issue here! Poor me - I don't come first. I find the concept of Eat Pray Love very romantic and yet very unrealistic. But I would love to go far away and deal with MY issues. Of course, it would be just like vacation, you can't wait to get away from the kids and as soon as you get there you miss them terribly. Anyone else feel this way?
I have found since not drinking my patience are SHOT! My poor kids...I wonder which is worse a drunk mom or a bitch mom? I went for the I think they'd rather have a bitchy mom.....at least I won't be dead.
As for a vacation....well, I didn't think I could do it either but we had to attend a family wedding where the kids weren't invited, and it was for 4 days. It was ok. They were in good hands but I did miss them terribly. We got up the courage to do a week, but it is a long time. I agree with your analagy of the Eat Love Pray book.....I am reading it now....people in the 'real world' don't have an opportunity to just drop everything for a year and try to find themselves....we muddle through life and try to find ourselves as we go.AF July 6 2014Comment
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Why so many Moms in this situation?
C &C Mom.....I am soooo with you ....My kids drive me mad...I find staying at home all day frustrating and I drink too much....their needs come first....but it is hard....thats actually an understatement! Bella XXComment
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Why so many Moms in this situation?
I love my son to bits, but having a baby (at 40!) put me over the edge. I know I am drinking more now than I used to before he was born, and I drank too much then. I need to get a handle on this before he old enough to notice. (he is now 2)Comment
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Why so many Moms in this situation?
I couldn't help do homework unless I had a drink in hand. I have been sober except one slip for almost 3 months. I saw a Mom on Halloween trick or treating with her small sons with a wine glass in her hand drinking! That was ME,but she probably knew how to stop. I didn't.
I notice the trend too. A lot of Mom's. Sometimes they can suck the life out of you. My daughter will be 25 this month. I guess you never stop being a Mom.
Hang in there it does get better esecially ditching the bottle.
Mich:beach: "You can't go uphill thinking downhill thoughts"
AF since 10/11/2008Comment
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Why so many Moms in this situation?
I am in the same boat. I actually felt like I was a better mom when I was buzzed. Just because I had more patience and didn't mind coloring and playing "Transformers" over and over again. Sobering up is NOT easy with a 5 year old. I am doing this for my son, but the depression and irritability is tough on my son in the meantime.Comment
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