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Why so many Moms in this situation?

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    #31
    Why so many Moms in this situation?

    Wow. I feel like I'm suddenly surrounded by mirrors. I am the mother of three boys, ages 5, 6 and 9. Like all of you, I am crazy about my kids. I spent my whole life looking forward to being a mother...I had no idea how hard it could be, or how those same kids I adore could drive me insane. I stayed abstinent for the last two weeks, and tonight (it's only 4:30 here in Massachusetts) I've had two glasses of wine. I can't believe how frustrated I can get with my boys. They rough-house and are so loud and wild, and all I want is to escape. For two weeks I made it through the afternoon and evening without drinking, but I was crabby and irritable. When does the really good part start? Yes, I've felt the joy of waking up without a hangover, and I've had some good times with the kids and thought, "It wouldn't be this good if I were drinking", but most days have been so hard. If I just white knuckle it and stick it out will it get better? Believe me, I've read every parenting book, and tried every activity for active kids. I can't seem to change my mood without a drink.
    "When she enjoyed her drinking she couldn't control it, and when she controlled it, she couldn't enjoy it." (from The Big Book)

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      #32
      Why so many Moms in this situation?

      Those are rough ages. Boys also tend to be louder than girls, I think.
      There is no recipe for parenting, just people gaining from selling all those books. I wish I had a magic word or advice, but the best I can tell you is to remember all these moments. They can be taken away in a second and they DO grow up fast..

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        #33
        Why so many Moms in this situation?

        Just re-read these great posts. Chocolate and french fries, huh? I have been doing Atkins for two weeks. I'm wondering if part of my irritability is from the lack of carbs. I'm on "induction" - less than 20 carbs a day. Doesn't "My Way Out" recommend a low carb, high protein diet? I don't know what's wrong with me, but I feel like I've had PMS for two weeks. Don't know if it's living without alcohol or living without french fries and chocolate. I don't like this crabby person I've been.
        "When she enjoyed her drinking she couldn't control it, and when she controlled it, she couldn't enjoy it." (from The Big Book)

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          #34
          Why so many Moms in this situation?

          I have done the Atkins diet before it really works as long as you stay on it. like all diets the key is the long term regiment... which I don't obey.
          Long live the French Fries with mayonnaise..
          But, seriously....You will be okay, give it some time and your body will adjsut to the lower carb intake.

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            #35
            Why so many Moms in this situation?

            Wow - so many of us moms in the same big old rocking boat!!!!

            I think my drinking became daily after I separated from my ex. That was 7 years ago, and the kids were 10, 12 and 14 - at least the oldest 2 were old enough to be at home, off the school bus, although I would have preferred to be there when they got home. But, one has to work to support 3 kids when there is no child support from ex. I would basically run, run, run, from the time I got home from work - from making dinner, piano lessons, swimming, guitar, dance, etc etc - then laundry, cleaning, making lunches. By the time I would sit down, it would be 10:30 or more like 11:00 pm, and I would crack a bottle of wine - like a reward system, to relax and escape into a book. After the separation, it gradully became every night, and now look where I am!!! Only one of my kids is at home now, I lived through very tramatic situations and events with my middle child which I should have handled sober, having young teens staying out later, I would very often pick them up after having drank nearly a bottle of wine - When I think back on it, I literally cringe!!!!

            So why so many moms??? Stress release?? Escapism? From the busy life we have with children? I keep kicking myself - how did I get myself into this mess - why?!?! Well - there are so many reasons and causes, and probably pretty similar for alot of us.

            I have found this thread really interesting, and yes - I always thought I was alone, looking at the other "moms" at the school, and they seemed so mature and in control. Well, maybe not???

            xoxo peanut

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              #36
              Why so many Moms in this situation?

              By the way, I am stopping at the book store and picking up Alan Carr's book on stopping drinking. Maybe it will give me another perspective and a boost to try harder in this battle!!!

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                #37
                Why so many Moms in this situation?

                Peanut, don't kid yourself most of those moms put up a good front. I was at home with my girls for many years and my neighbors were also.. they were having affairs, drinking, doing drugs or stealing from the upscale stores. They just did not show it. Women are excellent actresses when necessary.
                Good luck in your battle, you can win.

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                  #38
                  Why so many Moms in this situation?

                  This thread is great. Not to be repetitive, but it is helpful to read other's perspectives and experiences. My children are 13 & 15 and old enough to observe me drunk and stupid. Now I wonder what they are going to think about me when they grow up. I have been af for seven days and have to stay that way. Peanut, I too am reading the Carr book. Let me know how works for you and I'll do the same.
                  Hope :h

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                    #39
                    Why so many Moms in this situation?

                    I've read the Carr book and i found it very helpful - it certainly helped me on my first run of 108 AF days (I blew this myself by believing I could moderate) - warning - he doen'st believe in moderation, he believes quitting is the only way. I've found this thread fascinating - my kids are only very small - 3 and 4 and when I was drinking heavily i kept telling myself that when they were a bit bigger I wouldn't need the drink as much, but what has shocked me is just how many of you people have older kids eg teenagers and still need to drink! - maybe that's the most stressful time!! I have all that to come!

                    I live in UK and over here there was a recent survey on an internet site for parents called Netmums about just how many parents drink - like someone said ealier, i look around the school gate at the other parents when i'm picking up my daughter and I look at them all and think - well yes which of you are the ones with the drink problem besides me - and they're all hiding it so well, because there must be quite a few, statistically speaking musn't there, but I can't tell who they are.

                    One thing I do know is that i've never driven my daugher to school yet with a hangover - because I quite alcohol on Sept 1st just before she started her first term, and although I did slip up briefly at the end of october, it was during her half term holiday when we were away, and I went back on the waggon again when we got home. I dont' want to be a hungover mum at the school gate, or a mum wishing her time away in the afternoon until it is "wine time" again, I want to be AF and start living properly, but it is hard, really hard with children as you all know!

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                      #40
                      Why so many Moms in this situation?

                      I don't think you EVER can be at a point when your kdis don't stress you out. My daughter is going to be 25 this month and my son 10. My daughter still gets in purse to get MONEY, she still throws fits with me when she can't get her way and now I have to worry about my Grand daughter I have who is 15 mos old! My daughter is married too by the way! I stress about him because he lives sometimes beyond his means! (credit cards). So, just because they get older and move out, they bring MORE human beings to worry and stress over! LOL!!! A never ending cycle! Oh and my daughter is still jealous of her little brother when I buy him things!

                      Mich
                      :beach: "You can't go uphill thinking downhill thoughts"
                      AF since 10/11/2008

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                        #41
                        Why so many Moms in this situation?

                        The first AA meeting I attended I walked in and was SHOCKED the room was FULL of MOMS.....I couldn't believe it. I truly thought I was the only woman, much less MOM that drink. There were about 70 people in the room and about 30 women and all of them had children. Most of which had lost their children over time and had over the years regain cutody but had been in AA years. Hearing the stories, I sat there crying the entire hour. It was the saddest hour of my life, but the most eye-opening. I just really never knew. I mean I read it on here, but when you SEE it...imagine us all in one room together....is very humbling feeling. I didn't feel so alone in my problem. Like if you tried to tell a non-alcoholic person they'd look at you like you had a horn sticking out your forehead or something...
                        Forever loved, forever missed Papa Bear

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                          #42
                          Why so many Moms in this situation?

                          Hi Moms,

                          I'm new here, as of yesterday. I've really been enjoying reading post after post, and I have a question. Is there a "stressed moms" forum? With so many moms out there struggling with the urge to drink to soften the parenting stress, does anyone want to do a regular check in? I know I could use it at the end of the day. Maybe you already have something like this that I haven't seen yet. If not though, how about we get it started? It could be a place to go at the end of the day (or whenever the rough time hits) when we want a drink, but really just need to blow off some steam. We could share our frustrations and also ideas for what to do instead of drinking when the kids are driving us insane. If something like this already exists, could someone point me in the right direction? Thanks!
                          "When she enjoyed her drinking she couldn't control it, and when she controlled it, she couldn't enjoy it." (from The Big Book)

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                            #43
                            Why so many Moms in this situation?

                            I think we should - I just can't believe how many moms are on MWO and fighting daily to get by without being drunk. Kids wreck you last good nerve.....let alone push you to second guess your choice to abstain....
                            "Parenthood remains the greatest single preserve of the amateur." Alvin Toffler

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                              #44
                              Why so many Moms in this situation?

                              It just sucks that as moms and are supposed to have all the answers, and then we go and do something we'd kill our kids for doing! What really stinks is when your kids' school has a DARE program (dare to resist drugs) and Chemical Health Week and you try to explain that they're talking about other people and that you just drink a little. It's like having a mini police officer at home.:flush:
                              You, as much as anyone in the universe, deserve your love and respect. ~ Buddha

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                                #45
                                Why so many Moms in this situation?

                                Yes, stressed mothers thread would be good..or stressed parents, must be some stressed dads out there too?

                                Mothers are expected to be perfect and it is so hard to have to wear so many hats - what really bugs me is when my two some back from someone else's house after I've been slogging away all day and say something like...so and so's mother says this, does that, so and so's mother is so cool and all I can say is bully for them, well that's the polite version!
                                There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.

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