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UH-OH, I know this feeling.....

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    #1

    UH-OH, I know this feeling.....

    Thank goodness there is no vodka in the house. How powerful this feeling is. Last night hubby came over to talk. It mainly consisted of him unburdening his guilt and swearing to overcome his addictions. With someone else. Gee, how come I got to deal with all the bad stuff and now someone else gets the good (providing it actually happens). He left feeling better and I have a hole in me the size of a cannonball. I know only I can fill it, but boy, the temptation to fill it with vodka is almost overwhelming. (almost being the key word here)

    I am acknowledging the feeling, the cause and reminding myself it will not help. I thought the tempetion would be in an innocent social situation, not pouring it into the hole again. I thought that hole at least had a tarp over it. For the first time in 5 months (yep, 5 months today) I really feel the danger of the drug. And it is frightening.

    Thanks for listening. I needed to say that to give myself strength today.
    sigpic
    Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUT
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    #2
    UH-OH, I know this feeling.....

    Greenie, good for you for coming here. That's the first step to filling that hole. It's a shame your ex decided to dump on you, but he was looking for something. You don't owe anyone but yourself, and we're here to help you do that. Like you said, believe his recovery when you see it, and maybe someday you can feel good about it. That's the past. You determine your future. We're here for you.
    sigpic
    Never look down on a person unless you are offering them a hand up.
    awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, Being creative, being Unique, being you - changing things to the way YOU know they can BE - Living the Life you Always imagined.awprint:

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      #3
      UH-OH, I know this feeling.....

      Yup, GOOD FOR YOU for coming here and talking about it. So, it took you by surprise this time... and next time (if that happens again), it won't. You can be ready with a plan for what to do after he leaves, some distracting activity... and something for today would be great, too, can you do something good for yourself, for getting through that? That was a big one, in my opinion.

      wip

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        #4
        UH-OH, I know this feeling.....

        Greenie,

        I have been following your journey through your posts and have been so amazed and impressed by your strength...quitting alcohol in the midst of turmoil is not an easy thing to do yet you have done it with grace.

        Just know that the hole that you are feeling is real and normal. I think all of us who have issues with alcohol have it. When I am experiencing that empty feeling that I feel I have to fill, I tell myself that I am in charge....that I am a powerful person and I do not have to give in to this feeling. Heck, I even experience it when I'm feeling good. That voice inside me says, "I want to feel even better."

        You are doing great Greenie.

        M03
        AF Since April 20, 2008
        4 Years!!!         :lilheart:

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          #5
          UH-OH, I know this feeling.....

          this may be a odd thought... but seems like he owns the hole you are feeling. so pack it up and post it to him. no point you feeling less of your wonderful self due to him. and well done for an amazing 5 months of AF - THAT is just brilliant and i still dream of the strength to do anything close. if i can think what that task entails in itself - greeneyes you have everything you need to succeed
          love to you
          pixie
          x
          I found myself on the roof of the world just waiting for to get my wings - The Waterboys

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            #6
            UH-OH, I know this feeling.....

            greeneyes;467959 wrote: Last night hubby came over to talk. It mainly consisted of him unburdening his guilt and swearing to overcome his addictions. With someone else.
            Wow! I know that I don't know your situation, but geez! Can't you tell him to take it somewhere else??? Like to the "someone else"???? Sounds to me like a guy "having his cake" and all. Great that he feels better, but damn, what about you??? Jerk.

            If I sound a bit bitter about "someone elses", well, I guess I am:H! And I hope I didn't offend you greeneyes.

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              #7
              UH-OH, I know this feeling.....

              Greenie,

              I admire your strength so much, I can't even tell you. Do you have plans to do something special for yourself today, considering it's 5 months and you've posted here and are filling your hole with friends instead of vodka? You deserve something!

              Love,
              Be
              "Action is...the enemy of thought." :l Joseph Conrad

              Comment

                #8
                UH-OH, I know this feeling.....

                Greeneyes,
                Keep thinking about how far you have come....And that alcohol definately will NOT make things better or make you feel better. Also, you made it through last night and today is a new day! Let us fill some of that emptiness you feel and help you if we can. You are a non-drinker now, Greenie....try to keep that in the forefront of your mind and draw upon those coping skills you have begun to learn over the last 5 months. Feel free to PM anytime. I am also sending big hugs to you from 2000 miles away and encouraging you to pull out that Tool Box and use the hell out of it today. I'm in your corner and hoping your day gets better as it wears on. Much Love to you, Kriger
                "People usually fail when they are on the verge of success. So give as much care to the end as to the beginning." Lao-Tzu

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                  #9
                  UH-OH, I know this feeling.....

                  Greenie,
                  Girl I am home today working, you got my number...you call me ANY TIME....we know each other. Our struggles....our fight. You have been there for me, I am here for you.....I can get on chat with you too if that would help. Anything for you honey! You've have held my hand through some pretty dark days....called when I could barely lieft my head off the pillow. I love you. I truly do. Hubby is no longer your problem. I know that is hard to seperate since you have been together so long, but like you told me you can't fix him. You can fix you though!!!!!!
                  Forever loved, forever missed Papa Bear

                  Comment

                    #10
                    UH-OH, I know this feeling.....

                    Hang in there, woman! You are doing fantastic!! You have many friends here who admire what you've accomplished so far.:h
                    _______________
                    NF since June 1, 2008
                    AF since September 28, 2008
                    DrunkFree since June 1, 2008
                    _____________
                    :wings: In memory of MDbiker aka Bear.
                    5/4/2010 In loving memory of MaryAnne. I pray you've found peace my friend.
                    _______________
                    The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.ray:

                    Comment

                      #11
                      UH-OH, I know this feeling.....

                      KEEP STONG. AND STAY CLOSE TO US
                      We're all in this together- Lean on us for support

                      DLW
                      AF 35 days
                      DLW
                      Sobriety since October 2008 ( with a few bumps in the road ) - but I am still here, strong and fighting every day for my sobriety!
                      And every day is a challenge - But I am WINNING so far!



                      • Yesterday is History
                        Today is a Mystery
                        Tomorrow is a GIFT

                      Comment

                        #12
                        UH-OH, I know this feeling.....

                        Greeneyes
                        What could I say that could support you? I have sat here for five solid minutes trying to think of that perfect thing. And honestly, nothing I could say could compare to what YOU ALREADY DID. AMAZING. You already did the best thing to support yourself- you came here and talked about it. You outed your feelings before they outed you.
                        I am humbled by your courage and grace.
                        I wish you a peaceful day and congratulations on your five months.
                        -Sheep

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                          #13
                          UH-OH, I know this feeling.....

                          Greenie,
                          You were here for me when I started (I remember those toes!). I am here for you now, sending prayers, strength and love your way. :l:h:l
                          You, as much as anyone in the universe, deserve your love and respect. ~ Buddha

                          Comment

                            #14
                            UH-OH, I know this feeling.....

                            Hes a prick greenie move on!!!!! how dare he come around and play Mr puppy dog!!!!! I now its hard...... you look and think I used to and still possibly love you!!!!!! love ends you are doing great you are so strong

                            Comment

                              #15
                              UH-OH, I know this feeling.....

                              Greeneyes, there is a doctor in California. Dr Kern (I believe) who has a treatment for AL. apparently he is very successful and has been on the Oprah show and all... whatever. anyway, in his book he talks about the possibility of men having to leave their current wives and move on to someone else because with someone else there is not "bagage" and bad memories etc.. When my husband was trying his treatment (did not work) I told him if he thought someone else could put up with his shit and AL to please go ahead and go find her... so, no worries your ex can go, who needs him? You certainly do NOT. One less egg to fry

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