Kick Marby up the Arse thread

[bloggy]

I feel really quite selfish starting this thread- but nothing to lose.

I have been on MWO lots longer than most- I have tried just about everything suggested by RJ and lots more- meds etc.

I feel shittier by the day- I read more than I post and am thrilled by all the fabulous success stories- but I just don't seem to make headway. I am embarrassed to say I am really no where nearer quitting than when I came here 14 months ago- Yes- my drinking has got possibly a bit more controlled most days, but I never know what is going to happen and some days it is appalling.

What I am asking of everyone- and it is very difficult for me because I never ask anyone for help- is to give me a good boot up the flaming arse every morning.

Not an 'Oh don't beat yourself up' kind of post- more a 'What the feck are you still doing?' kind of post. If you can't be hard on me- please don't be kind to me- it doesn't work.

The shop is not taking what it should to make a living for me and my friend- I have loads of ideas for home deliveries and stuff, but while I am continuously thinking of AL- it just wont happen- so it is not just me I am sending down the drain.

Any of you who have even a week AF please give me a hand- I need tough love and I need it now. As I say, this is not just about me- it is about my bf, my animals, my friend who is working with me- and her family too.

I feel really selfish posting this but I need a kick in the arse and if no-one minds will bump it up for a few days in the morning until I have a grip.

[Bandit]

Kick Marby up the Arse thread

WHAT THE FECK ARE YOU STILL DOING?

[bloggy]

Kick Marby up the Arse thread

Thanks Bandit. That's what I need. I don't know- how come everyone else can do it and not me???

I feel weak and insipid but I know I am not really weak.

[Waiting for his way out]

Kick Marby up the Arse thread

Marbella, I often wonder why people drink so much while they know how destructive it can be. (I am not going to be very popular for this)
We only have one life to live and wasting so much time seems unfair to those who really don't have a chance. Those who get sick at a young age and die, those who die in accidents or die for all kinds of reasons, but not by their doing or fault. The very poor who live in terrible conditions or in the middle of a war they did not want.. you get my point.
So, if you want a kick in the ass, look around you, where you live, how you live, your family, your friends and everything else around you that you can be thankful for. Then, think again how lucky we are, YOU are just to be alive.
Most of us have reached a certain age when we have already lived more than we can expect to live in the future.... so why not start living 100%, why give AL or anything else the best of you,?
right now, today and for the rest of the life.
I hear some people here say "I will not drink"
It's your turn.
with all my cyber respect. W

[bloggy]

Kick Marby up the Arse thread

Thanks Waiting- you are so right.

That is what I don't get- I know there are so many worse of than me. I am still appalled at the cruelty and suffering I see in my life on a daily basis- OK, I am not suffering but I cant stand seeing others suffering, I only read about children, and have banned myself from that, but I do see animal suffering daily.

But I still can't say that is why I drink- 1000's of others see it and suffer as well- but they don't drink.

[CS04]

Kick Marby up the Arse thread

Marbella, not "everyone" else is doing it. Many of us are still struggling. You are the smarter one to ask for the help.

[Waiting for his way out]

Kick Marby up the Arse thread

I am sorry Marbella, I did not mean to imply that you drink because of the suffering of others. I meant others are suffering due to things they cannot stop or can even try to control.
My poor attempt to kick you in the a-- was to make you see how wonderful YOUR life is, so stop making it so hard on yourself with AL.

[bloggy]

Kick Marby up the Arse thread

I have been thinking about 'coming out' for a few days. I am not glad I am am not the only one- I wish I was- well maybe a few of us can join in here- those of us who just don't seem to get make progress.

[bloggy]

Kick Marby up the Arse thread

Waiting for his way out;468597 wrote: I am sorry Marbella, I did not mean to imply that you drink because of the suffering of others. I meant others are suffering due to things they cannot stop or can even try to control.
My poor attempt to kick you in the a-- was to make you see how wonderful YOUR life is, so stop making it so hard on yourself with AL.

Waiting- it was not poor!!!

It was just what I need- you are right I think- there are some things I can't control either and I have to stop using Al to numb it.

[boozehag]

Kick Marby up the Arse thread

Marbella

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT WOMAN - GER YER ARSE INTO GEAR AND SHAPE UP FOR THE MARTHON!

There will be no room for drinking or thinking about drinking if you are in pain/training right? If you want a training buddy count me in. We can compare notes etc and do something every day. I have only been running 2 days now but it really does lift the mood and give a sense of achievement - even if its only around the block to start with.

You know as well as the rest of us that if you get some AF days under your belt the shop and all the other stuff will seem so much easier to deal with. Also the thing with starting a business is that its not going to be an overnight sucess that is a very rare thing. Most small businesses fail with the first 12 months. It takes time and total dedication to stick it out and make it work. To give it your best shot you really really need to have your wits about you and AL wont help with that. The very last thing you need is for it to fail as then you will feel even worse. So what are you going to do. Focus on the shop and the training 100% and feic the drinking - its a mugs game.
What is happening with the antabuse are you not taking it anymore?
BH

[cymru]

Kick Marby up the Arse thread

There are alot of good points here Marbs, but i feel a big one to focus on is your business. I had nearly 5 years alc free, and kept the same job for that time and made a real name for myself and became quite successfull at what i do. I started drinking and have since then drifted in and out of 3 jobs, not giving my all, and leaving each one because of my drinking and not being able to give 100%. If it had been MY business it would of gone tits up in a month and i would of gone under with it.
You have put so much hard work into this shop Marbs, and its not going to take off over night, but without your commitment 100% it is not going to work.
You can feel down cause you havent made what you want in the first week and drink to forget about it, but you think thats going to make things better and start earning you a profit and some money for your family and pets. No, its not is it?
Now, i have needed the boot just as much as you these past couple of weeks, but unless we get up and do something about it instead of thinking negative thoughts, and start putting some lengthy alc free time together, its not going to happen.
So this is a message to myself as well as you. Some self therapy maybe, but its time to sort our shit out before its too late.
xx

[bloggy]

Kick Marby up the Arse thread

one2many;468603 wrote: Marby,

You are my friend, my good friend but I am going to be brutal with ya...

I am glad you posted this..you are right....WTF are you doing???? You have started a business..you need to give 100% to that and at the moment you are not!
Why is the shop not taking enough....what more can you be doing???? Well drinking feckin beer is not helping is it???

You have a real chance here, to make a go of it, to have your own business, something some of us only dream of....dont feckin waste it......there are others to consider.

So nothing works for you???? What makes you so special that you cannot find a way out.....have you tried willpower....??????

Have you looked at that bottle of beer that you think you so desperately need and say..fuck it...not tonight...no, you dont, you give in and you drink it and you stay in the situation.

Do you think it is easier for me coz i have a lot of AF days...no it is not, I get urges and I get longings and I have stress and depression and the whole nine yards but when those thoughts come I HAVE to banish them to the back of my head...otherwise I am hurting myself,my hubby, my kids, my pets, my parents, my friends.....why should they suffer because I am too weak to say no.

I am gonna be here Marby, I am gonna shadow you...I will be there when you don't want me to be...I am gonna be a thorn in your side until you are sick to the back teeth of me.

You are no different to any of us on here......your make up is not flawed any more than us...you need to stop and you need to stop now.No excuses.....no reasons..no nothing....

You have the marathon coming up...you said you wanna win.....ha...prove it....show us.....show your boyfriend, get yer name in the paper.....train and then train some more......

Get the business off the ground....thoughts of alcohol are ruining it for you.....holding you back and draggin you down....you are not a stupid woman, you KNOW what i say is true....I cannot physically come over and pull the beer out of your hand, you have to learn not to pick it up in the first place.

You say that you have no time to come on here as much as you would like....you have enough time to neck a beer....so use that time to come here, fecking talk, cry, wail, curse...whatfeckinever......just don't reach for a beer.

Do you think I would waste my feckin time tellin you this if i thought you couldnt do it???? It is time the weakness went Marby...ok? focus on the good in your life, which is a good life.....I dont have to remind you of what you have but I will remind you of what you will lose.

That girl you work with deserves 100% from you...its not her fault that you have a prob with drink...cop on and try harder, no more defeatest attitude, that is for losers and you are NOT one of those.

I will pm you my number...call me when you need to......and when you lie in bed tonight...don't feckin hate me for what I said, if half of it goes into that head of yours, you will be on your way......

I will post something positive every day on this thread for you.......it may not be pretty but I will post it anyway.......

I want you to win the marathon, I want to look at you and admire you when we meet and I want you to feel proud of yourself when you meet us.

Time to cop on or cop out...up to you....

Your friend,

o2m

That is just what I fecking needed.

You are so right. How dare I do that to her and her lovely daughter?

She gave up a job to come and work with me- I feel disgusted. We have a good possibility here- it will take work- what doesn't?

I have had businesses in the past and always fought tooth and nail until they take off- why do I think now is different? Nothing has changed- I still have my good ideas same as I always had.

I feel sick now that I have compromised her future too. But I also feel invigorated that I posted here my weakness and you One2 and everybody else have gave me some of your strength that I did not feel I had.

I can't thank you all enough but I have to stop that too- we are all here to help each other- when someone helps me I feel indebted and I know I would not want someone to feel indebted to me.

But you just hit the nail on the head O2- how dare I? I am strong with possibilities- she doesn't have my opportunities and is putting herself in my hands. She will see a different me tomorrow.

PS. Maybe after seeing the marathon times I might not win, but will come in the first 10 for us pensioners.

[bloggy]

Kick Marby up the Arse thread

cymru;468616 wrote: There are alot of good points here Marbs, but i feel a big one to focus on is your business. I had nearly 5 years alc free, and kept the same job for that time and made a real name for myself and became quite successfull at what i do. I started drinking and have since then drifted in and out of 3 jobs, not giving my all, and leaving each one because of my drinking and not being able to give 100%. If it had been MY business it would of gone tits up in a month and i would of gone under with it.
You have put so much hard work into this shop Marbs, and its not going to take off over night, but without your commitment 100% it is not going to work.
You can feel down cause you havent made what you want in the first week and drink to forget about it, but you think thats going to make things better and start earning you a profit and some money for your family and pets. No, its not is it?
Now, i have needed the boot just as much as you these past couple of weeks, but unless we get up and do something about it instead of thinking negative thoughts, and start putting some lengthy alc free time together, its not going to happen.
So this is a message to myself as well as you. Some self therapy maybe, but its time to sort our shit out before its too late.
xx

So right Cy.

I am really happy I posted tonight- I pretend I have got all my shit together most of the time, but I haven't. We all know without a doubt no new business will work with the owner being drunk.

Thanks Cy.

[cymru]

Kick Marby up the Arse thread

Lets just take it on board, yer? No point in agreeing tnt, and then getting plastered tmr.

[bloggy]

Kick Marby up the Arse thread

LOL. Thank so much guys, I know I not supposed to say Thanks all the time which I agree- but all you all said is so right.

Tomorrow a new Marby will apppear...THE MARATHON WINNER and the Business girl who even if I dont make much in the winter will be able to support my pal and her little girl and my lot.

Remember this is where you read it first- Marby will win the marathon.


Thanks again so much- I know I shouldn't say it- but you have all saved me and my mad thoughts tonight.