Was really thinking the past couple of days as to why I really drink? I think back to when I was pregnant (all three times) and remember how I really didn't even crave alcohol, although, I must admit I would have a very small glass of wine at night, but I loved the fact that I didn't feel as though I needed more. I loved when we would go out or hang out with friends and I didn't have to worry if they were going to ask me why I wasn't drinking. It was very obvious why I wasn't drinking. I never had to worry if they would figure out that I was an alcoholic! I think in the past when I would make it this far - day 8af, I would wonder what others would think if I didn't drink. They would figure it out that I was an alcoholic and I didn't want them knowing, so what do I do but give in and drink. Almost everyone, actually everyone we know drinks. I would worry what my husband would think if I didn't have a beer with him. When weather is nice we always sit together at the end of our dock with our beer or wine or just hanging inside with our beer and wine. I'm not worried about him thinking I am an alcoholic, because we have discussed our drinking habits before and knew we were both alcohol dependent, I say dependent because we didn't get drunk every night, but both of us drank everyday. He still enjoys his beer and wine and thats fine, but I need this change. My brother would come over and still does and if I'm not drinking would ask me why, why does he care if I am or not, unless he does not want to feel guilty for his own drinking. I would try to explain I need a break and he would tell me I just need to moderate, well, guess what I can't moderate atleast not for a long period of time. I always end up drinking to much at one point or another. So I am coming to the conclusion I can not worry about what everyone else thinks and have to do this for me. I do not want to destroy my body any longer, I want to get back to who I used to be a long time ago, when I didn't need alcohol to make me happy or have fun - and I knew how to have a great time without it. So my conclusion is I finally realize why I would start drinking again and its not just the craving but being terrified of what everyone else will think. Well, I don't care anymore what they think, I am going to do this on day at a time for me. I hope I have not rambled on to much just had to get my thoughts out there.
:thanks:
Twosox :l
:thanks:
Twosox :l
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