BY GOD they rip your heart out at times don't they? They make you feel alive they make you feel dead. Shit man the world is ending.............Shit man I feel so high!. They screw with your head at times to make you feel how you DON'T wanna feel. They twist around in your head and tell you things you don't wanna hear and lies. They Tell you how in love you are when realistically you ain't. They do so many things and in the end they end up hurting you. So what do you do? You say to yourself......I will not give in to these emotions.......I will not drink because that will make my emotions worse. They will not get the better of me. I am a better person that all this.
YET at the end of the day EMOTIONS are good they make me feel, they make me human, they make me laugh they make me cry. THEY are who I am. SO the question is............................HOW do I control them?
Well if anyone has the answer please tell me??????????????
I am a man who lives by them. I am a gentle man who still stands up for his principles. I cry when I feel the need too. I feel pain like no other person when I feel this Mother Earth hurt. I see so much distruction around me. I am tender and I feel...I FEEL!
Where did whe loose are way? What happened? Did I miss the vote?
I am getting sober for WHAT?. Don't get me wrong here I'm sober for many reasons but I ask each and everyone of you.........We say we get sober for ourselves first YES... No disputing that fact.....We have to do it for ourselves YES AA philosophy taught me that and I took it one day at time in the beginning. I lived my days through getting though em without picking up a drink and I gave myself a reward at the end of the day for soing so. OK it was a small (even miniscule) reward to most BUT to me it was a god send. I went to bed thinking YES! i've fucking done it! I got through this day so bring on tomorrow!!. AND yes the days got easier. I was flying through. I WAS on my WAY!!! WOO HOO......
BHAM!!! SHIT my gran died and I lost the plot.......It was easy as that.....My emotions got the better of me because I was SO close to her that I couldn't bare the thought of loosing her. I say BHAM....I mean she lost her speech first then we found it was a tumour and before you could say 'jack robinson' she was gone......I lost my dad in 2003 when he was suddenly takne into hospital after a stroke. We had argued like fuck for years and I FUCKING hated him for his attitude. YET we were gaining back some respect for one another again then BHAM..........I never got to say to him how much I loved him and I spent 16 hrs watching him die while he fought away from the machines.
MY emotions have been BHAM for many years now. Even when I was a teenager I was dealt a hand that I had NO choice in. I was fucking murdered inside and I dealt with it...........I had too. I held it in for soo long, even went to couseling and still couldn't divulge what it was that had upset me so much. I was dying a slow death and I managed to take enough pills to numb the pain. Because guess what? I'm a guy who lives by my emotions. I don't think constructively, I don't work out my finances etc or my bills and food shopping I live by my emotions. THAT IS WHAT I DO!! (that reminds me of a film when he shouts that out can you remember it???? It starred Samuel L Jackson as a School Teacher???)lol
Well I have to bring light of a situation don't I? I am HIPPIE after all!!
So, for me my iniital problem was I had a drink problem????? ~Yeah right!! I've had a drink problem all my life because my emotional state has made me that way. I could get a problem in any kind of way......HEROIN?? (GOD easy!) COCAINE?? (BEEN THERE Dunnit as I have SPEED) PILLS (e's vallies GHB?) DONE THAT NEXT??????????? SMOKING CRACK????????...........well done that a few times when I scored heroin and believe me not as bad as they make out on the news....... I mean no disrespect Mr T!! I know what you went through mate and your story sticks in my head. Each to their own.
So basically where am I leading with this story???
Well I'm trying to say that emotianally I've been a child. I have never grown up in this life and taken the full responsibility for MY own life. I've relied on everyone else around me to give me the support when I've fallen down and been forgiven when I've FUCKED up. AND people have done that for me. SO...............Guess what??? It's easy innit? I just FUCK UP and say I'm sorry and it's all forgotten about..................YEAH???
NO! I've done that too many years. I've had a good life, I've had a good childhood. I was not abused as a child I had the perfect family upbringing. My parents loved me and they wanted the best for ALL their kids. I got my pocket money, I spent time being naughty and smashing windows etc. I skateboarded down hills that were WHOW!! I nearly drowned, I went fishing at midnight without my parents knowing I was out. etc etc. Times were good!! THEN I started thinking about things. Then my emotions got involved and they made me realise I'm not a child anymore. I felt things were wrong about this world, I found 'politics', I found discord in this world. I hated this fucking world (EMO???). WHATEVER?? Don't label it?
People are always gonna be emotionally susceptible to the world and they're gonna put a lable on it somehow. That's how world has become. Bang a lable on it and pidgion hole it because it's so much easier to deal with. That's what I did with my drinking when I first had or recognised a problem..... I banged a lable on it and I was an alcoholic....NO addict......NO depressed.....NO.......WTF???????????????????WHO FUCKING CARES??? AND at the end of the day WHO fucking did care what I labeled myself as????. I've been through the mill trying to find out who or what I am and search for that illusive holy grail. WHY am I AM who I AM etc? I needed to go through that process though. I needed to find out for myself that I, YES I was wrong. No one was gonna do it for me and no one was gonna tell me differently but I found my answers in the end. And do you know what I did????? I stopped searching for answers where there where no answers. I stopped questioning the big questions in life and I stood still for a moment..............Guess what where I found the answers?????
Well I shouldn't need to tell you then!!
I've rambled for far too long and this is my last post for a while.
I love you all dearly and thank you for this journey but it's time for me to make a change................
Love and Happiness
Hips
xx:l:l:l:l
YET at the end of the day EMOTIONS are good they make me feel, they make me human, they make me laugh they make me cry. THEY are who I am. SO the question is............................HOW do I control them?
Well if anyone has the answer please tell me??????????????
I am a man who lives by them. I am a gentle man who still stands up for his principles. I cry when I feel the need too. I feel pain like no other person when I feel this Mother Earth hurt. I see so much distruction around me. I am tender and I feel...I FEEL!
Where did whe loose are way? What happened? Did I miss the vote?
I am getting sober for WHAT?. Don't get me wrong here I'm sober for many reasons but I ask each and everyone of you.........We say we get sober for ourselves first YES... No disputing that fact.....We have to do it for ourselves YES AA philosophy taught me that and I took it one day at time in the beginning. I lived my days through getting though em without picking up a drink and I gave myself a reward at the end of the day for soing so. OK it was a small (even miniscule) reward to most BUT to me it was a god send. I went to bed thinking YES! i've fucking done it! I got through this day so bring on tomorrow!!. AND yes the days got easier. I was flying through. I WAS on my WAY!!! WOO HOO......
BHAM!!! SHIT my gran died and I lost the plot.......It was easy as that.....My emotions got the better of me because I was SO close to her that I couldn't bare the thought of loosing her. I say BHAM....I mean she lost her speech first then we found it was a tumour and before you could say 'jack robinson' she was gone......I lost my dad in 2003 when he was suddenly takne into hospital after a stroke. We had argued like fuck for years and I FUCKING hated him for his attitude. YET we were gaining back some respect for one another again then BHAM..........I never got to say to him how much I loved him and I spent 16 hrs watching him die while he fought away from the machines.
MY emotions have been BHAM for many years now. Even when I was a teenager I was dealt a hand that I had NO choice in. I was fucking murdered inside and I dealt with it...........I had too. I held it in for soo long, even went to couseling and still couldn't divulge what it was that had upset me so much. I was dying a slow death and I managed to take enough pills to numb the pain. Because guess what? I'm a guy who lives by my emotions. I don't think constructively, I don't work out my finances etc or my bills and food shopping I live by my emotions. THAT IS WHAT I DO!! (that reminds me of a film when he shouts that out can you remember it???? It starred Samuel L Jackson as a School Teacher???)lol
Well I have to bring light of a situation don't I? I am HIPPIE after all!!
So, for me my iniital problem was I had a drink problem????? ~Yeah right!! I've had a drink problem all my life because my emotional state has made me that way. I could get a problem in any kind of way......HEROIN?? (GOD easy!) COCAINE?? (BEEN THERE Dunnit as I have SPEED) PILLS (e's vallies GHB?) DONE THAT NEXT??????????? SMOKING CRACK????????...........well done that a few times when I scored heroin and believe me not as bad as they make out on the news....... I mean no disrespect Mr T!! I know what you went through mate and your story sticks in my head. Each to their own.
So basically where am I leading with this story???
Well I'm trying to say that emotianally I've been a child. I have never grown up in this life and taken the full responsibility for MY own life. I've relied on everyone else around me to give me the support when I've fallen down and been forgiven when I've FUCKED up. AND people have done that for me. SO...............Guess what??? It's easy innit? I just FUCK UP and say I'm sorry and it's all forgotten about..................YEAH???
NO! I've done that too many years. I've had a good life, I've had a good childhood. I was not abused as a child I had the perfect family upbringing. My parents loved me and they wanted the best for ALL their kids. I got my pocket money, I spent time being naughty and smashing windows etc. I skateboarded down hills that were WHOW!! I nearly drowned, I went fishing at midnight without my parents knowing I was out. etc etc. Times were good!! THEN I started thinking about things. Then my emotions got involved and they made me realise I'm not a child anymore. I felt things were wrong about this world, I found 'politics', I found discord in this world. I hated this fucking world (EMO???). WHATEVER?? Don't label it?
People are always gonna be emotionally susceptible to the world and they're gonna put a lable on it somehow. That's how world has become. Bang a lable on it and pidgion hole it because it's so much easier to deal with. That's what I did with my drinking when I first had or recognised a problem..... I banged a lable on it and I was an alcoholic....NO addict......NO depressed.....NO.......WTF???????????????????WHO FUCKING CARES??? AND at the end of the day WHO fucking did care what I labeled myself as????. I've been through the mill trying to find out who or what I am and search for that illusive holy grail. WHY am I AM who I AM etc? I needed to go through that process though. I needed to find out for myself that I, YES I was wrong. No one was gonna do it for me and no one was gonna tell me differently but I found my answers in the end. And do you know what I did????? I stopped searching for answers where there where no answers. I stopped questioning the big questions in life and I stood still for a moment..............Guess what where I found the answers?????
Well I shouldn't need to tell you then!!
I've rambled for far too long and this is my last post for a while.
I love you all dearly and thank you for this journey but it's time for me to make a change................
Love and Happiness
Hips
xx:l:l:l:l
awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, 
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