Hi everyone,
Just been reading some posts from last night as usual and its got me thinking about what exactly this forum does for me.
When I joined I was at such a low ebb, in fact I wanted to die. I thought my life was intolerable and out of control and that I had no hope of putting it back together again. When I look back now, that is plainly ridiculous but it gives an idea what depression was doing to me. Yes, I had intense problems and had done so for a couple of years, but they were just life problems. To me though, they felt like the end of the world.
So, then I found this place. For the first time in ages, I felt a sense of hope. There were people here who had similar issues to mine, some much worse and some not so bad. There were thoughts, solutions and support being posted every haur of the day. For the first time in I dont know how long, I connected with people. I have always kept my distance through fear. Fear of being "sussed out" fear of rejection, fear of hurt, fear of not being good enough, you name it, I was fearful of it. So I guess I was lonely. Yes I have friends, but I keep them at a distance. I never really speak of how I feel and whats going on in my head or heart. But here I have started to. It is a first for me. I feel fairly safe in expressing myself on the forum and if I dont there is always PM to get stuff out. Through this place I am getting to know myself and what I am really like as a person. Along with that, I am taking the time to know others and how they are. I am learning not to judge. I am learning how to deal with my emotions. This was evident particularly this weekend when I thought I had said something wrong and hurt someone. It was unintentional but It completely floored me, I have not felt so bad for a long time, all I wanted to do was drown myself in booze and stop thinking about it. It took hours of beating myself up and then finally asking for help. Within minutes I got it. I didnt drink and my previously destructive thoughts had turned into positve ones.
I guess what I am trying to say is this forum is giving me myself. I cant even say its giving me myself back, because its a new me thats emeging. Not a saint, but better than I was before. I am learning and growing through this. And that is priceless.
So on that note, I am going to get my lily white arse into gear and get to work.
Have a good one all.
Thanks for being there for me.
Startingover xxx
Just been reading some posts from last night as usual and its got me thinking about what exactly this forum does for me.
When I joined I was at such a low ebb, in fact I wanted to die. I thought my life was intolerable and out of control and that I had no hope of putting it back together again. When I look back now, that is plainly ridiculous but it gives an idea what depression was doing to me. Yes, I had intense problems and had done so for a couple of years, but they were just life problems. To me though, they felt like the end of the world.
So, then I found this place. For the first time in ages, I felt a sense of hope. There were people here who had similar issues to mine, some much worse and some not so bad. There were thoughts, solutions and support being posted every haur of the day. For the first time in I dont know how long, I connected with people. I have always kept my distance through fear. Fear of being "sussed out" fear of rejection, fear of hurt, fear of not being good enough, you name it, I was fearful of it. So I guess I was lonely. Yes I have friends, but I keep them at a distance. I never really speak of how I feel and whats going on in my head or heart. But here I have started to. It is a first for me. I feel fairly safe in expressing myself on the forum and if I dont there is always PM to get stuff out. Through this place I am getting to know myself and what I am really like as a person. Along with that, I am taking the time to know others and how they are. I am learning not to judge. I am learning how to deal with my emotions. This was evident particularly this weekend when I thought I had said something wrong and hurt someone. It was unintentional but It completely floored me, I have not felt so bad for a long time, all I wanted to do was drown myself in booze and stop thinking about it. It took hours of beating myself up and then finally asking for help. Within minutes I got it. I didnt drink and my previously destructive thoughts had turned into positve ones.
I guess what I am trying to say is this forum is giving me myself. I cant even say its giving me myself back, because its a new me thats emeging. Not a saint, but better than I was before. I am learning and growing through this. And that is priceless.
So on that note, I am going to get my lily white arse into gear and get to work.
Have a good one all.
Thanks for being there for me.
Startingover xxx
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