Forgiveness

[jinja]

Been away awhile ? nothing dubious, just life in general ? fried modem (again??damn that lightning!!), busy, busy, busy.

Forgiveness seems to be a major part of this ?journey? for me ? not of others, but of myself. Seriously, I don't hold anger or resentment to anyone who has entered my life and shifted the status quo. Truly! I might be curious at times and wonder how things effected them later, whether they hold regret etc. but that's about it.

Initially it was all about sobriety ? the terror of even ONE day AF was too much!! I haven?t succeeded in getting the big consecutive numbers under my belt, but since March I have achieved more that 160 days out of 200 odd. I?m OK with that ? I am only human after all! Lol.

The healing part that comes with the sobriety shocked me more! Why the need to run away and hide ? to numb down and remove yourself from yourself.

The forgiveness part comes from trying to acknowledge the ?broken? part of my soul. Yes, my life was taken out of your hands and circumstances were out of my control and I had to react. Understanding and letting go of the feelings of impotence and frustration that situation thrust on me is easier said than done. When I have trusted and then been so disgusted at my own naivety. When I have ?removed? myself from my own life for so many years and then finally see how much I have hurt the people that love me - whenther or not I deserve that love. When life is just too raw and ?in your face? all the time that I am so overwhelmed and want to run away again. When I see myself sooooo very differently than others do. When I know that I need to acknowledge that I am just too hard on myself, but still just can't quite....

I don?t want to change myself or change experiences to date. I think that much, if not all of it happened for a reason. Yes, I do want to be more than I am now and I think the first step is that I just need to forgive.

And yes, easier said than done.

Take care
xxx

[Lila]

Forgiveness

hi Jinja
So nice to see you here again!
Forgiving, really forgiving, I think is tricky.
Lila

[greeneyes]

Forgiveness

Hi jinja. I really resonated with your post. I'm reading Radical Forgiveness and trying very hard to look at things from that perspective. I wrestle with the "why" part. Best to you.

[hart]

Forgiveness

I think Forgiveness is in order for some of us today. Please think about it. :l

[Catwoman]

Forgiveness

I agree I think we all have to learn to like ourselves again.....the way I look at it all addiction stems from the same root....probably a lack of self esteem and a searching for something we don't think we possess. Thats what's so lovely about this forum there's no show to be put on for other people just a basic kind of acceptance and honesty.

[hart]

Forgiveness

Well I can see from your Avatar you are a woman of superior good taste! :H

[Catwoman]

Forgiveness

You know it Hart

[JAMMS]

Forgiveness

I have absolutely no idea how to begin to forgive myself. None. Nada. I don't even thin I understand it or how it's possible.

[Catwoman]

Forgiveness

Jamms you are a lovely imperfect person like the rest of us. Society gives us the deep based concept that we should be perfect and infallible. Guess what we're a bundle of emotions and feelings. I think people who drink too much are probably more sensitive souls that's all. See today as the start of the rest of your life and don't dwell. Whats done is done you cant change it but you can influence what happens from now. Please don't be so hard on yourself and just concentrate on being well and then developing strategies to help you stay happy. I'm thinking of you.

[BecomingMeAtLast]

Forgiveness

"Since nothing can be forgiven for us that is not first forgiven by and through us, there is only one species of forgiveness: self-forgiveness."
-- Noel McInnis

[CaptJBean]

Forgiveness

One of the most important sentences I ever read was from "Boundaries" where in it states there is a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation....

[hart]

Forgiveness

Good point. I have only been able to not forgive one person in my life (May they rot in hell) but I have many friends I have opposite view on certain things. And you know I like it. It give me access to another opinion and I like to feel I will change my opinion if given information I didn't have. Because I like that in others. :thanks:

[gyco]

Forgiveness

again wow,very interesting thread,it is very nc you found a quiet spot, where you feel comfortable,never hurd it xpressed so well,one of our biggest failures and i stess the word failures,is how others feel of us,we ,cause of our condition have more compassion then most,even in drink,the aftrwards is new to us, like a new awakening,but if i may even in sobriety,short or long term,we shake our heads,trust me it is a long journey,keep stiving and you will find purpose, i have, gyco

[jinja]

Forgiveness

I have cried more in these last 6 months than in the last 6 years. Not just weeping for loss or sadness, but feeling again. I like that term 'reawakening'! Quite appropriate. It's like the layers of an onion - just gradually looking and acknowledging as each layer is exposed.

Its a slow process and I really wish I had instructions on how sometimes as I suddenly get stuck and just don't move forward. If it was physical action needed that would be easier. But feelings and emotions that stem from the core are tough for me - too messy and uncomforable.

You are right - you can't change the past. It's how you process the pain and create the path forward. Guilt and regret will only clutter the way.

Take care
xxx

[JAMMS]

Forgiveness

I will!

Thank you Catwoman, your right I am always so hard on myself. I will begin to learn to forgive myself and to love myself again! I will! I will! I will!!
:thanks:

The past is gone! Screw it!

Move forward! Move forward!
:goodjob: