I'm so stupid....

[Lotus]

I've been back and forth on this route, on and off this forum and despite some successful periods of AF, I think I can handle alcohol and try to moderate, but can't get it in my thick brain.... I CAN'T!!

Why do I keep ending back on square 1? Why am I not able to see alcohol as the devil it is and keep kidding myself I can handle it?

I can't keep on drinking everynight. Come tommorrow morning I will swear I will not drink, but by the time I finish work I'm already buying my choice of poison for the evening. I'm screwing up my life and even though I know it, my body will not stop craving for alcohol.

[sammys]

I'm so stupid....

Hi Lotus and glad you came back. I wish I had the magic answer but as you know there is none. All I can tell you is that even cutting down has helped me tremendously.

Sammys

[brittzak]

I'm so stupid....

Nice to see you again stupid, meet STUPIDER...that would be ME! Probably because you are like just about every other Alcoholic/alcohol abuser, etc.....we like to let that little lie come through when we feel stressed, when we feel good and DESERVE to celebrate, what you have to learn is to let go of all that think and learn how to think healthy and properly for YOU. There are many good threads right now....read around!!!!

[Lotus]

I'm so stupid....

Thanks for replying.

I've stopped taking my supps as I thought I had managed to control my alcohol intake. But I'm not able to see that I am someone who will NEVER be able to moderate.

[beatle]

I'm so stupid....

Ha, that would make me STUPIDEST!

But remember, we ALL go through these ups and downs, the acceptance, the denial, the acceptance again... and on and on for some people (like me), while others "get it" quicker. Just don't give up, and as long as you don't, stop flagellating yourself!

[tlrgs]

I'm so stupid....

welcome back lotus .. hey we all try at one point in time to mods ..some good and most bad .. but you did af once you can and will do it again .. this time dont look back .. you will find that you really dont need al to survive in life ... there are so many other things to do with you life ...then to just drink it away .. keep on trying and you will find your way ouit .. to a new path in life .. stay strong and think positive..

[dlw]

I'm so stupid....

You and I are quite similar Lotus, I had to hit Rock Bottom in order to get my wake up call that I was killing myself- my relationships with my family and my future.
You DO see the devil, its just he is winning right now. I wish there was a magic bullet to tell you that everything is going to be okay, but you hold your own future
Have you tried AA? The hardest part for me about AA was walking in the door- once you are there, it is a welcoming group of friends that fight the same beast as the rest of us at MWO.
I am AF since 10-10-08 (I am a closet drinker- for MANY years) Lying to everyone about my problem was as easy as making the grocery list.
I know I cannot moderate- I also tried that route and failed- I cannot Drink ANYMORE -Maybe you cannot Moderate either- you are the only one that can decide that
We are all here for you, support you and hope you fight the devil as we have all had to

[A Work in Progress]

I'm so stupid....

So... lotus... you have a new level of understanding, perhaps. Good! What are you going to do with it? Next step is a plan, and a commitment to a plan, right? What's your plan going to look like?

wip

[gyco]

I'm so stupid....

well thts a good sighn theres a lot here since ive been here who have found the same,mod for them is not good,so now you get on the band wagon and stopp,1st tis is a great site,but it is a yung site, as many in the last while have said there are lot of options, to be embarassed to go to AA, why i cant figure,go online like here,just listen as here to your options,go to the medical channel,trust me it willl tell you wht long term of ALL to u will do,listen to the stories and the stuggles here,if tht doesnt brodden your scope, put yourself into a clinic, 30 days as ive suggested to many. if tht doesnt waken you i dont no wht will,last but not leastgo to your cities sike wards and old age facilities and find out hw many people are dying from substance abuse tht most dont no about, sure hope tht wasnt to harsh gyco

[Michaela]

I'm so stupid....

Lotus. Let me tell you how STUPID I was. I had made my husband promise after promise that I would try and MOD because it seemed every time I had one drink it would turn into a bottle of wine and then some. I went AF for 47 days. I got COCKY and thought I could MOD. We went to his co-workers wedding on a boat for 4 hours. Let's just say he had to CARRY me off the boat and I was dancing and groping every person there except of course my husband. I was avoiding him like the plague because I knew he would try and cut me off. I would dance with strange men and beg them for another drink. It was WORSE than ever, I think because in my stupid brain I was doing ALL OR NOTHING sort of thing. Needless to say my husband threw his wedding ring over the boat. It was the tears in his eyes that made me realize I COULD NOT MOD. If I want a life of love and happiness I needed to quit drinking. I have told everyone of my problem so I can be accountable. Sure it was embarrassing, but I'm sure not as half as embarrassed as my poor husband has been through the years. I am now on day 36 and don't have any desire to go back to that ugly monster the bottle. I just picture my husband with tears in his eyes. Makes me cry every time I think of it. YOU CAN DO THIS and YOU WILL DO THIS. Some of us just takes a little longer to get through our thick skulls.

Good luck and keep posting.

Mich