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    #1

    Holiday Blues

    Once again we are approaching a holiday and I know I am not the only one stressing. For all that feel they could benefit from getting any stressors off their chest I propose it be posted here.

    My Mother is threatening to not come to Thanksgiving (AGAIN) and I'm about ready to take her up on it. By that I mean my husband states if she does not show we are done, as in we will not go to her home for Christmas, etc. I feel my husband and my boys need my unhindered attention for once in their lives.

    Thanks for listening, I feel better :h


    Myheart
    Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice.
    - George Jackson
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    #2
    Holiday Blues

    I understand the family dynamics when it comes to dysfunctional parents, families, whatever. I do know how you are feeling and what position you are in.

    Do you know what I did? I DEMANDED that everyone in my family get along and get in the spirit or don't bother showing up here.

    I also made it very clear that my kids are not going to get ripped off this year because people are drinking, arguing, and just plain miserable. If you want to fight, or not in the mood to be festive and happy - then f-off, don't come around!

    I am tired of this shit. My kids are going to start having the Christmas' they deserve. God, why can't there just be peace in this world?

    The holidays are very stressful. I understand.

    Comment

      #3
      Holiday Blues

      Why is your mother "threatening" to not come? (And why should she be able to?). I agree you should "take her up on it" if that is what will make for a more harmonious holiday. However, I'm not sure a "tit for tat" attitude is best (i.e "threatening" back at her). Not sure what that would accomplish.
      Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life... And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

      Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Adress, 2005

      Comment

        #4
        Holiday Blues

        Hi Myheart,
        I suggest you concentate on the heart of your family over Christmas, i.e., yourself, your husband and your boys.

        As for anyone being difficult and making demands on you over the festive period......leave them to stew in their own juice (that includes your mother). Sometimes it is necessary for us to take a stand before others are able to see just how wonderful a son, daughter, sister etc. that we truly are.

        Enjoy the time with your family.

        Star x
        Formerly known as Starlight Impress.

        Comment

          #5
          Holiday Blues

          im probably posting and youve answered one bad turn deserves another,my dear this is about YOU,mother doesnt come, opppps to bad,she ll be alone,as far as your spouse he s throne it backon your lap,as far as the kids ,do they care, whats all the fuss about,hello your invited to a get togehter at this time,if your not there maybe will be thinkin of you,maybe she s got more to do,other then family,take the pressure off of you,gyco

          Comment

            #6
            Holiday Blues

            The holidays can indeed be stressful, but I am not sure that I agree with the whole 'eye for an eye' approach. Thanksgiving and Christmas are about family, and as difficult as they can we sometimes have to turn the other cheek and just enjoy ourselves.

            Now, there are always going to be situations where a break is the best, and you may well be there. I would just encourage you to think about the whole reason that we celebrate Christmas, and make sure that you are not just trying to get back at her for Thanksgiving.

            Hope that everything works out, and regardless of what happens I am glad that you posted how you feel.
            Sobriety Date: June 15, 2007 -- "It's not having what you want, It's wanting what you've got...."

            Comment

              #7
              Holiday Blues

              My heart--I feel for ya. I have to try really hard to not stress over the holidays and family issues. Luckily both our families get along great, but they don't always do things the way I want. We are traveling 600 miles for turkey day to surprise my SIL. I just told hubby--maybe we should pick up all the fixings for dinner since she doesn't know we're coming--because you all might be content drinking your dinner--not me, I want my traditional Thanksgiving feast!!
              Next comes Christmas and trying to get together with all families involved. Since both my parents passed away--our traditions died with them and it seems to be impossible to start new ones that I love. I won't go into it, but not really looking forward to the holidays, and that's just wrong!!
              _______________
              NF since June 1, 2008
              AF since September 28, 2008
              DrunkFree since June 1, 2008
              _____________
              :wings: In memory of MDbiker aka Bear.
              5/4/2010 In loving memory of MaryAnne. I pray you've found peace my friend.
              _______________
              The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.ray:

              Comment

                #8
                Holiday Blues

                As our families grow up and more people come into the family, it is important to be flexible and not have resentments that harm your relationships.

                My "kids" are all grown and have kids except for the youngest son and his wife.
                The two older ones have been married about 15 years.
                We have had to "flex" to accommadate the other families involved.
                It is not always easy and this Thanksgiving my hubby and I will be "childless"...but you know what? Next year will be our turn and this year we have decided to reach out to other family members that we don't normally see much. Or just he and I will go to Cracker Barrel and have a "date" dinner and be thankful for what we have and also I won't have to cook all that food and have leftovers forever!
                AND our dinner will only cost about $25.00!!

                I was really "down" about this last week and yes I did shead a few tears...but then I decided that our relationships are more important than making any point..

                Just my thoughts.
                :hNancy
                "Be still and know that I am God"

                Psalm 46:10

                Comment

                  #9
                  Holiday Blues

                  I really appreciate your replies and your sharing. I don't think this is really a "tit for tat" situation though.

                  I've been told by family my Mother has hated me since the day I was born. I was told by a family therapist at age 19 to stay away from her because she was trying to harm me and the therapist thought that would never change. I didn't want to believe it and have done everything possible to make her 'normal' and make her love me, which of course, has never happened. At age 47 I'm giving up, she does not need to be a part of my life. Our last phone conversation she said she was hanging up because she was depressed about where my kids were going to school. I'm not calling her back, I'm sick of her games.
                  Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice.
                  - George Jackson

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Holiday Blues

                    I think in light of that....your mom needs to stay away!
                    Take care of yours.
                    Love,NAncy
                    "Be still and know that I am God"

                    Psalm 46:10

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Holiday Blues

                      I agree with Southernbelle... listen to your therapist.

                      I had a similar situation with another family member who I had been very close to and she suddenly rejected me (after she found out about my alcohol problem) and refused to speak to me or have any contact with me, and tried to convince the rest of my family to do the same.

                      It tore me up and consumed me for years, but when I finally went to a therpaist, she said "let it go". You can't blame yourself for other people's actions and how they treat you. Especially people who are meant to love you.

                      I'm so sorry for you, drenched. It must be the hardest thing in the world to have a mother, the one person in the world who is supposed to love you unconditionally, fail in that role -- actually treat you badly and hurt you purposely.

                      It's a wonderful thing that you have managed to NOT follow in her footsteps and to create a family yourself that loves each other. Treasure that this Thanksgiving.
                      Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life... And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

                      Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Adress, 2005

                      Comment

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