Dont Give Up

[cymru]

A letter i found in the paper that i thought might be of interest to Hipps, and others feeling the strain.

My ex wife decided after a month long affair that our 14 year marriage was over. She wanted me out of our house, the one i worked long hours to provide, to move in her 'boyfriend'
On legal advice i refused, and i wouldnt budge. She alleged all sorts of domestic violence but i didnt give in. Eventually, she left and set up home, with all our substantial savings, at her partners parents house.
From that day on, she said my 2 daughters(aged 7&9) 'didnt want to see me' I finally obtained a court order, but she refused to abide by it.
Legal fees amounted to ?17,000, for which my soliciter said: 'I cant make her turn up'
I was also being chased by CSA for ?500 a month, because after all, as there father i had a duty to provide for them.
When I asked the CSA what would happen if i didnt pay( being self employed i couldnt have maintenance deducted at source) they said i would go to prison eventually.
Alot of water has passed under the bridge in 3 years, and now i see my daughters every other weekend. However, their mother does all she can to disrupt my contact.
Incredibly 40 PER CENT OF FATHERS LOSE CONTACT WITH THEIR CHILDREN WITHIN 2 YEARS OF A FAMILY BREAKDOWN, RISING TO 70% WITHIN 5 YEARS.
Us fathers must never give up on their children.
Name and address supplied.

[brittzak]

Dont Give Up

That makes me so sad. I was a child of divorced parents and my mother used us as tools of torture on my dad. When my ex-husband and I seperated I swore I would never deny their Ffther access to them. It is very easy to sway your children away if that is the desire of the custodial parent...let's face it...I have them in my care 90% of the time and when we sperated, they were 5 and 9. Young enough to POISON ....we are NOT the fairy-tale life, but I do try. Their father attends many holidays with us and we are pleasant...his GF is even invited to attend. When Billy was alive, many times we attended functions all together and were extremely polite. I suppose outsiders find us a bit odd but it works far better than FIGHTING, our children are happy. Our relationship is over, their relationship is forever.......a child forever loves their parent...mother or father and longs for their love should they not be permitted to grow with it. That is a horribly SELFISH mean vindictive flat out FUCKING BITCHY thing to do to your child......you chose the man to have the child with...your child didn't chose his/her father...YOU DID...ok, sorry soapbox over, but this topic pisses me off. People need to grow-up...children are not torture tools to be used in your love games! Best of luck to all those out there going through this horrid pain. I can only imagine how the parent must fell, as a child, I can tell you FIGHT for them!

[AAthlete]

Dont Give Up

Cy, thanks for the article but wow is that depressing, and I'm saddened that your ex has used your children to cause you pain. What she obviously doesn't understand is how that has affectied the kids (both short and long-term) - they are the ones that are truly being hurt.

I honestly could not fathom not having my son as part of my life no matter what else happened in my life, but obviously everyone is different. I'm glad to see that you have never given up - and your kids will remember that.

[Montana Mommy]

Dont Give Up

That is terrible. When children grow up they realize who really was at fault. Same thing happened with me and my sister. Im super close with my dad now.
MM

[CS04]

Dont Give Up

Britt, there is an essay you should read by Barbara Kingsolver called "Stone Soup." If I can find it online, I will set you up. It addresses these very issues of blended and stepfamilies. It is really good.

I am a mom, but also a stepmom. I know how hard these issues are. I have been fighting them for almost 15 years. My stepson will be 18 in March.

As Cymru said, never give up!

xoxo
CS

[Cinders]

Dont Give Up

Cy,

You are so very right. Never give up.

These children need to know that someone cares, truly.

The thing that makes me sick is those who do try to "poison" their children against their mother/father. That would make the child think there is something wrong with their mother/father and hence, them. Never do something like that, ever.

I do agree with keeping children away from dangerous parents, but arrangements can be made to insure the safety of the child at the same time.

I have been married 33 years to the same man, my children grew up under us and today we have a "pretty good" relationship with each other (hubby and myself) despite MY problem.

I do not doubt that my hubby would have left me and taken my kids from me if I had been going through this when they were young. NOT because he didn't love me or care, but because the children were the utmost importance.

HOWEVER, I can say with all honesty due him, he would have insured I had time with my children (he knows and knew how much I loved our children) and he would never have tried to poison their minds against me.

I would never have done that to him, either.

The children are the most important aspect of life once they are born. I believe that.

I am glad you fought. I am glad you won your place with them. They must know how much they are loved.

This is for you, too, Hipster.

Love,
Cindi