I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE THIS HARD!!!

[maddiva]

For those of you who I did offend. I humbly apologize. I had a bad week last week and the week before for that matter. I have been attending my drink/drug rehabilitation and then on top of that I have been drinking. This is all with a view to total abstinence. I had it down to one day a week, was doing well and then woosh I went mental. Drink makes me mental, generally I consider myself quite sane, those of you who disagree, are entitled to your opinion. I made an appointment at my doctors for prozac, cos I figured out I was depressed. But missed the appointment and then figured it was because it was 'meant to be'. I did an art class today to help with my withdrawals, concentration and the like. Came out of the class and began to shake and feel really anxious. Everyone who is on the course is on medication. I am not. Each appointment I make, I miss or excuse myself from. Then I wonder about 'self saboutage'. Am I doing this to continue to drink?? I began to feel my nose and mouth going numb and had to buy a bottle of wine to counteract this feeling. This really is a mess. I thought it would be easy. I came to the conclusion that 'alcoholism' was a word and it meant nothing. I considered myself not an alcoholic, but a problem drinker. When I have a problem, I drink. I seem to have problems every day of my life, if it is not there, I make it up. Really, I am lucky. I have a nice home, I have interests, I have the best kids you could wish for (sometimes) when they are not into teenage tantrums. It really is hard to quit the drink isn't it. Why am I feeling like this??

[A Work in Progress]

I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE THIS HARD!!!

Yeah, it is really hard. And my guess is that you are "feeling like this" because you are still drinking, and you may need some medication (from what you said, anyway). Solution? Make and commit to a plan to stop drinking; make and keep an appointment to see your physician.

You can get a lot of support here, especially if you are really working on a plan to get done with the alcohol abuse.

best wishes,

wip

[maddiva]

I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE THIS HARD!!!

GEE THANKS

Yes, you know I am still drinking. Not as much though. My worst was every day and up to five bottles of wine. At one point I even thought I was possessed by the devil. It got really mad. Then I committed a criminal offence that made me stand in a court and face my foe. It was not law and order. It was drink. So the court of law did help me. And I worked the programme. But I have many faults and commitment is seemingly the worst one. COMMITMENT is the operative word here. I have to commit cos this is about to kill me. I am not puffed up, indeed, other than my amazing weight gain, you would not be able to tell. She died looking pretty!!! Just a fat bastard!!!! I am really trying hard here. And my antics last week, did make me think. But obviously not hard enough. It is the medication business. I am afraid of it. I think!!!! But shaking today showed me. You have a problem, best you deal with it. I see the doctor tomorrow in guise of a fitness programme. Sometimes, drink can be hidden. If I don't I die and it really is that simple. I cannot die to a bottle of wine, which, may I say they Government gets the profits of. That makes me loathed to do that. Thank you:l

[maddiva]

I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE THIS HARD!!!

A FUNNY THING IF I CAN TELL YOU.

4

[1967]

I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE THIS HARD!!!

please take good care of u and ur doggies. they need u to be strong for them.
and yes, this is a very hard thing to do, to quit the wine. i wouldn't have thought it so difficult either. keep trying. and get the doc to give you some meds to at least get you started. there is no point and making things more difficult than necessary.

[beatle]

I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE THIS HARD!!!

It's a vicious circle isn't it. For me, like you, I drink when I have problems to "deal with".

Problem is, I ALWAYS have problems!

And yeh, drinking does help... the first 2 or 3 drinks, anyway, and for a little while, anyway.

Problem is it never stops with 2 or 3, and it only helps for a little while, and then it gets worse.

So, using problems as an excuse is really a non-excuse. Whenever I feel an urge to drink (which is less often now, but still happens, and the problems are still there one way or the other), I just have to admit to myself that I really just WANT a drink... I KNOW it won't really help me (not more than for a short bit) so, just ADMIT it, I just WANT a drink.

For me, somehow, it makes it easier for me to realise what I am really doing, and maybe just maybe be a bit more rational about it.

As for the physical side of the addiction, you need lots of help on getting to be AF, concerning withdrawals. Have you checked the Holistic Healing forum?. There is lots of good advice for natural (non-medication) ways of helping your body deal with this horribly physically trying undertaking. There are many ways to make it easier on your body to get and stay sober.

[gyco]

I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE THIS HARD!!!

not much sympathy here,but all giv you some,make sure the doctor knows wht he or she is talking about,yes you could go on depressents,but trust me they can be worse to get off then the booze,and you can a drug tht will make you puke, thts a heavenly feeling,whats wrong with mom she puking,is tht what medicine is suppose to do,if tht is the case and were takin tht stuff,sorry we really need help,you can be like me at times and just giv it up,say no, yes for a while youll think your goin nuts but isnt it the same with AL,after a while,if you really have a problem take your hubby to the doctor i did,most of us dont confront the truth,nor do we tell the doctoor wht he neads to no,he cant treat you if he doesnt no the symtons,hope ithelps, gyco

[A Work in Progress]

I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE THIS HARD!!!

beatle;476920 wrote: It's a vicious circle isn't it. For me, like you, I drink when I have problems to "deal with".

Problem is, I ALWAYS have problems!

And yeh, drinking does help... the first 2 or 3 drinks, anyway, and for a little while, anyway.

Problem is it never stops with 2 or 3, and it only helps for a little while, and then it gets worse.

So, using problems as an excuse is really a non-excuse. Whenever I feel an urge to drink (which is less often now, but still happens, and the problems are still there one way or the other), I just have to admit to myself that I really just WANT a drink... I KNOW it won't really help me (not more than for a short bit) so, just ADMIT it, I just WANT a drink.

For me, somehow, it makes it easier for me to realise what I am really doing, and maybe just maybe be a bit more rational about it.

Well put! That is so simple and so effective: I can just say to myself, "Yep, I sure do want a drink." Doesn't mean I "get to" have one (or WILL have one), of course; I want LOTS of things that I don't get to have. I think that's exactly where we often get tripped up; we magnify "cravings" into something so important and compelling that they MUST BE OBEYED. We make them more important than they are. It really boils down to "wanting a drink." Big deal. Move on. Very good way to look at it!

wip

[gyco]

I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE THIS HARD!!!

wip i have come to love you, hahha bettr then som think of you,hahah,as you said life goes on,get a grip, tht is when you come to the little being thts saying wht ,? is wrong with al the people who judge,ive lerned who givs a BLEEP BLEEP,i think we hav to be strong in ourselves and not really care wht others think,i think tht is our down fall,we are actually strong beings, just somtimes we get ost.but we hav here and other places to bring us DOWN,hahhha gyco

[gyco]

I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE THIS HARD!!!

gol darn it dont you just love this specially if your a male hahha, all these ladies dang i must be in heaven hahha

[A Work in Progress]

I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE THIS HARD!!!

Thanks, Gyco, I love you back... and I one more of the ladies, actually, so no awkwardness... !

Yeah, we do have to be strong, and keep on being true to ourselves. No matter what. You said it, buddy!

wip

[Starlight Impress Forever]

I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE THIS HARD!!!

Hi maddiva.
Drink will not cure depression or anxiety........I think you`ve already worked that much out for yourself. Sadly, you seem to be caught in your self-made trap, using drink in a vain attempt to calm your nerves........been there........done that.

I can tell you from personal experience, that drink is exacerbating the anxiety, despite you feeling sometimes soothed by it. Depression and anxiety will continue to plague your life as long as you use drink as your crutch.

You won`t miraculously become well just by quitting drinking. However, taking the booze out of the equation will afford you the clarity and strength to address your mental health and seek appropriate help.

You are going to need to work really hard at getting better......you say you have a good life.......letting go of the drink will make your life even better.

And no, quitting isn`t easy, but I believe we all have the inbuilt tools required to quit, if prepared to suffer a little in the early days.....it IS worth it.

Star x

[momof3]

I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE THIS HARD!!!

Hitchhiking on Star's previous post...

Before I quit drinking, my anxiety was out of control. I would wake up in the morning shaking and I literally could not think straight. I continued to drink just to get rid of the anxiety. The long term and continued use of AL messes with our neurological system and causes the anxiety. I am an anxious person by nature but after 7 months AF, I have to say that my anxiety is very minimal. You will get better if you stop drinking

[Evie.Lou]

I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE THIS HARD!!!

I am so sorry that you are struggling so hard.It is a disease that can go into remission but that there is no know cure for it.I know that I am only in remission and am only one drink from DRUNK.We understand .

[maddiva]

I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE THIS HARD!!!

I have read all your posts and all of them possess some attribute that I can hold onto. I did go to the doctors and medication is not required. She said I am 'not dependant' on alcohol, which was such a major plus. As for the anxiety, pretty much as you all said. Drink causes it! The doctor and I had a mini debate and I left her feeling 'free'. I have not drank since. I just have to realise that when I fancy, even the one, I have to say no. I have drank much over the past nine years in particular. Sometimes, I have reached for the bottle in the morning, but it was at times a daily thing. I must have the constitution of an ox. I feel very lucky. What I have done is be very pro-active. I have began to paint my surroundings 'white' for no other reason than that is all I have masses of. My son has gone to his father's today for the night and usually that would be my trigger to go and buy the wine and relax and feel crap in the morning. Instead, I came on this website, had tea and toast and thought no!!!! I find it weird that I am with drinkers at my 'rehab/style' place and they all have medication. Maybe it is my mind that needs sorting. Also, I will look at the Holistic place, so thanks for that suggestion. Thanks to all for replying.:h