Judging

[Hopeful mom]

Thanksgiving is fast approaching and I dread the thought of being with some family members who have been judgemental of me. I didn't realize that my sisters knew what was going on with me for these past two years, and instead of talking to me they have been talking about me. This really hurts, my mom has also been talking about me instead of to me until recently. I am working really hard to be af and live a healthy life. It's bad enough that my husband and children here have had to watch my deteoriation and ugliness...my oldest daughter reminded me yesterday that no one will love me as much as those people who live in my home. They are the ones who were directly affected and I am blessed to have them and their support. Just wish the others would not be so quick to judge and talk about me. I have no idea what they've said to who...very frustrating. Thanks for listening.

[AAthlete]

Judging

As hard as it is, you need to let all of that go and focus on your sobriety. Yes, it sucks that people talk about us and judge us, but let's face it - we've given them good reason to. Alcoholism (or whatever you choose to call it) is not a choice, but is routinely thought of that way by people who are able to drink normally.

I was truly the same way, and would get pissed off because people would judge me - I wasn't really that bad and could quit anytime that I wanted! I had to learn how to stop caring about what people thought and start caring about what I thought. Once I was able to do that and stay sober, the rest just kinda fell into place.

Best of luck at Thanksgiving.

[vlad]

Judging

You show 'em Hopes!

[beatle]

Judging

I have had the same experience, and I agree it is only when you can let go of caring about what other people think, even your own family, even people you thought you were close to and cared about you, even when they turn their backs on you, it's still you yourself who matters. You do this for you (and your immediate family, too-- Like your daughter said).

[kriger]

Judging

Just think of this as the LAST Thanksgiving that they will be doing this! Next year it will all just be HISTORY! Krigs

[JAMMS]

Judging

Hopeful- One is right, don't think about who was told what, go have a nice Thanksgiving and focus on the day, don't hold any gruges with anyone, don't assume things were said. You know what happens when you assume..... give them something positive to talk about!!!

:l

[southernbelle47]

Judging

Hope:l:l

That does hurt....try to remember that they too are human and not one of them is perfect enough to cast the first stone!

My preacher once carried a bag of stones up when he began a sermon on judging others. It was quite a visiual lesson.

Head up girl...

:hNancy

[Hopeful mom]

Judging

Thank you all! I don't post as much as some because I have so much to learn. I learn a great deal from you all and your knowledge and experiences are extremely helpful to me. I don't personally know anyone (that I am aware of) who has gone through al problems so this has been a lifeline for me. I am very grateful.

[Ripple]

Judging

Hopeful mom;476553 wrote: Thanksgiving is fast approaching and I dread the thought of being with some family members who have been judgemental of me. I didn't realize that my sisters knew what was going on with me for these past two years, and instead of talking to me they have been talking about me. This really hurts, my mom has also been talking about me instead of to me until recently. I am working really hard to be af and live a healthy life. It's bad enough that my husband and children here have had to watch my deteoriation and ugliness...my oldest daughter reminded me yesterday that no one will love me as much as those people who live in my home. They are the ones who were directly affected and I am blessed to have them and their support. Just wish the others would not be so quick to judge and talk about me. I have no idea what they've said to who...very frustrating. Thanks for listening.

I find the ones who chatter the most about me ... end up having far worst troubles.. If you are like me, you are the first to help them? Tell them it hurts you when they are non-supporting. People who judge usually are insecure until its their turn.. remember that. :l

[Accountable for Me]

Judging

Once I stopped caring so much what others thought, my problems with alcohol were easier to deal with.

You are doing this for you!!! Be very proud and chin up honey!

[gyco]

Judging

hopes i was where you are now, not but months ago,i was told to leave the situation,i chose not to,ive been married 32 years,amaginesom of the most gifted people in the world saying leave,tht is the only way you maintain sobriety,no matter wht,you do,my dear it is up to you,i hope yur daughter never gets where you are,i hav drinkers in my family they come by it gracefully,thro life s xistance,as far as people talking about you you hav to look at where its comin from,i no,i did not ask for what i have,it was passed down from generations,it is a proven fact,like cancer, it is in hour genes ,gyco

[jinja]

Judging

I also feel that judgemental attitudes stem from fear. Why else would it be necessary to condemn someones actions in order to raise yourself above them. It is very difficult to hold yourself away from the hurt caused in these cases, especially when it's family. As your daughter says - you are loved by the most important people! & you don't choose your family!!

Wishing you a truly peaceful Thankgiving.

Take care
xxx

[C&C Mom]

Judging

Hopeful,
I am as much of a novice or more as you here - yet I post away. We all have something to contribute - even if it is just expressing our true feelings and fears.

You musn't let what others say about you - especially behind your back - bother you. My family operated like this for years - my grandmother, mother, father, aunts & uncles. My god you couldn't know who told what to whom because it always came with, "now don't tell so and so but she did....."

My mother told me my sister said my husband & I should get a trip to Betty Ford for our anniversary. My sister told me that's what my mother said. Hurtful but don't care.

My sister and I finally started callling them out after we got older (my sister much earlier - her BS detector stronger than mine) and the gossip has gotten better.

Congrats to working hard towards AF life and only rejoice in the positive. Fortunately the family you live with and is most important to you loves you unconditionally. Let them love you. Let the other gossip roll off your back and they will find another victim. Just don't partake in their nonsense .You know how bad it can feel.

Blessings for a happy holiday and hold your children close for comfort - they always make you feel special.

[Angelique]

Judging

Hopeful,
I can tell you are working real hard at staying AF!!! You're doing great. I know how you feel about seeing people that you know have been talking behind your back. But just think...like somebody said....this will be the last Holiday that they will talk about you. Then I'm sure they'll move onto the next poor soul.:H In the grand scheme of things; people talking about you isn't all that important. It'sa bit embarassing but isn't important. Keep the bigger picture in mind. You being AF and feeling great about your life. How great will it be when all of this will be a faint memory of your past. Something that has no meaning to the true you. I have to think like that in order to get through the day AF. Each day we get under our belt AF is a day farther away from the old lives we lived.....and before we know it we have created the life we deserve to live. You are soooooo on your way there.:goodjob:

[Heavenly]

Judging

Whilst I was drinking / trying to moderate I thought anyone that said anything about me was being horrible to me. But being sober for this long now, I realise that not every time someone says something do they mean it to be bad.

I can't judge if they are ill-meaning or trying to be well-meaning until I know what they were saying about you. They probably have meant well, but yes, should talk to you and include you, as you know what plan you are following to obtain / maintain sobriety.


Good luck.