rich tea and sympathy!

[keepwalking]

Enough on the maddiva thread! I fully understand the support and understanding we all have to give each other but surely i am not alone when i say that the more you endorse drunken behaviour by saying you understand it and forgive it only adds to the problem! we have all been there im sure and we all forgive mads with her drunken rant but often the only way one takes responsibility for their own recovery is when we finally realise that unless we change we loose! i have watched drunks being supported by loving understanding family which only means they are forgiven for their relapses, the drunken brawls, abusive language etc etc and go on and on repeating because some kind person or councillor says they understand, do we have any tough love on this site? maurice gibb only recovered when his family walked away, whilst they kept supporting him he continued to say sorry but kept drinking, i dont know the answers but sometimes i think rich tea and sympathy is the worst medicine for a drinker! am i alone in tihis view? the support here for those trying hard not to drink and those not drinking at all is amazing and appropriate but for those who are drinking and posting i am unsure as to what approach works? views welcome, and just to be clear i am not looking for an argument just a meaningful debate and please dont say its dfferent for different people, at the end of the day whilst where being hugged and undrestood we wont stop, when we have lost or stand to loose everything it sharpens the mind - does it not?

[Prest4time]

rich tea and sympathy!

I completely understand your position. I do not believe in pretending things are okay when they are not... telling people everything will be fine when maybe it wont. As you indicate, at the end of the day, we all make our own choices. Whether or not we will be okay depends on the choices we make.

However, I am all for keeping a positive attitude, encouraging those who have screwed up for the umpteenth time and feel there is no hope. What I have little tolerance for, is abuse of any kind. We are all here for the same reason, but having a drinking problem is NOT a license to be abusive. In these cases, I think speaking the truth that does not sugar coat their actions, but also does not make them feel like they have been thrown into the abyss of ex-communication from MWO because they screw up. Make sense?

Okay, that's my two cents.

[keepwalking]

rich tea and sympathy!

i undestand what you are saying GG but you cant possibly get to know people at the level you describe from say one post on a website so if it is abusive or offensive what is the best approach?

[keepwalking]

rich tea and sympathy!

Prest4time;481014 wrote: I completely understand your position. I do not believe in pretending things are okay when they are not... telling people everything will be fine when maybe it wont. As you indicate, at the end of the day, we all make our own choices. Whether or not we will be okay depends on the choices we make.

However, I am all for keeping a positive attitude, encouraging those who have screwed up for the umpteenth time and feel there is no hope. What I have little tolerance for, is abuse of any kind. We are all here for the same reason, but having a drinking problem is NOT a license to be abusive. In these cases, I think speaking the truth that does not sugar coat their actions, but also does not make them feel like they have been thrown into the abyss of ex-communication from MWO because they screw up. Make sense?

Okay, that's my two cents.

makes a lot of sense, i like that answer, thanks :thanks:

[keepwalking]

rich tea and sympathy!

i know you didnt say from one post, that was why i said ""say from one post", in other words if someone posts in a drunken state although know you can report it my question really is from experienced folk on here is it better to serve up rich tea and sympathy or a slice of tough love? i guess the answer maybe to sit on the fence to they post a bit more and you get to know what response is best for them which is fair enough?

[beatle]

rich tea and sympathy!

You make a very good point, Keeper, and I do agree somewhat.

Based on my own experience, I think tough love and sympathy/support work best in different circumstances. Some of my family turned their backs on me when they found out about my problem-- they thought "tough love" was the only way-- while others reached out a helping hand. If everyone had used the tough love approach on me, I think I would have killed myself. No, I'm sure I would have.

My parents and husband showed understanding and offered support-- they saw that I was trying to beat AL (not deny the problem) and they helped me to find ways to do that. That's what has saved me. However, if I had not shown any initiative in trying to solve my problem, then maybe the tough love approach would have been more appropriate.

In short, I think it depends on where the individual person is in their struggle-- do they need support to continue on the right track, or do they need a shake-up to get them onto the right track?

And I do agree that being drunk is not an excuse for being abusive (although it is often an explanation). But I admit I don't understand this. I was never an abusive drunk. Even though I've forgotten many things I've done and said, my husband assures me I'v never been abusive or nasty.

[keepwalking]

rich tea and sympathy!

im sorry to be a pain but i am really asking how to respond on this website, i realise that in our own situations our friends and family know us and will make a judgement based on that, but what approach from your experience works best on this site?????? sometimes i read a post and i am at a loss as to how best to respond?? i dont want to upset anyone so i guess the safe option is to respond and say i undrstand, or say nothing but what works best from those of you who have responded to a drunken ( sometimes) desperate drunken post? i.e wankers from maddiva, ignore, support, or retort?

[Prest4time]

rich tea and sympathy!

Oh.... and one more thing. I think those who are abusive on a regular basis after being warned should be banned, and if it continues after mutliple bannings from RJ (ex: assuming new screen names to further abuse) then I think criminal charges should be pressed on some level. Its one thing to screw up and say something you do not mean once, but when it becomes a consistent pattern, these people need a lot more than MWO. We have had a few of these and I think it is a bit different than someone who is temporarily having a rough time. Sorry... meant to add that the first time b/c someone will probably bring this up. Okay, I'm done now!

[Sunbeam]

rich tea and sympathy!

KW, you are never obligated to respond to a post. If it makes you uncomfortable, I think that ignoring is the best approach. I only post to people who I feel I might be able to help, when I might add to a conversation. I look for posts of people who might resonate with my experience. If a person makes nonsense or whatever posts and receives no response, they will stop posting. If it is abusive, report it, but otherwise, just ignore. I do think you have to know a person from numerous posts before confronting them. It is much safer to ignore.

[kaponium]

rich tea and sympathy!

Live and let live, I say...I take on board what I want, have my own experience, strength and hope, Ignore what I think is shit, and have a good laugh at some of the "wankers' ...just can't reiterate enough that Gratitude that I am not where some of us (like Madders) are. Love and tolerance are important, and on an individual basis, the bottom line is "Don't pick up the first one and I CAN'T get drunk".

[momof3]

rich tea and sympathy!

Sunbeam;481046 wrote: KW, you are never obligated to respond to a post. If it makes you uncomfortable, I think that ignoring is the best approach. I only post to people who I feel I might be able to help, when I might add to a conversation. I look for posts of people who might resonate with my experience. If a person makes nonsense or whatever posts and receives no response, they will stop posting. If it is abusive, report it, but otherwise, just ignore. I do think you have to know a person from numerous posts before confronting them. It is much safer to ignore.

I am with you Sunbeam. I will not add to any negative or abusive posts. I do not want to put any energy into it. Plus, everytime someone posts in response, it bumps the negative posts up instead of allowing it to naturally disappear. I really wondered yesterday how potential newbies must have felt when they logged onto the site and saw titles of threads such as "Wankers" and "C***." I wonder if they will come back.