23 Days AF and Blew it

[smokey1949]

I really thought I was Hot Stuff going 23 days AF but then I blew it on Thanksgiving Day. Was at the beach with family and there was just too much AL around. I keep reminding myself how great those AF days were and will start again soon. I guess the one lesson for me is that Mods is a non-starter -- it's AF or nothing. Thanks everyone for giving me a forum to vent.

[CS04]

23 Days AF and Blew it

Hi Smokey,
I think that 1st month is so shaky. I've not been able to get thru it. 2 weeks here, 3 weeks there, 5 weekdays there....but holidays are ROUGH. I am feelinga little blue too and trying to put together a realistic plan for the holidays. Well that is what I say I am doing. If you want to get out pencil and paper with me, then we can be study buddies and figure out a plan to not have a totally wrecked holiday season.

BTW, thanx for responding to my other post. Check in on chat later, OK?

[smokey1949]

23 Days AF and Blew it

CS, get out your pencil - I'm there.

My problem is I have a hard time saying "I'm going to start AF tomorrow". First I have to get totally screwed up so I don't want to look at a drink for a day or so. Then hopefully that can start an AF string of days. Does that make sense??

[A Work in Progress]

23 Days AF and Blew it

smokey1949;481074 wrote:
My problem is I have a hard time saying "I'm going to start AF tomorrow". First I have to get totally screwed up so I don't want to look at a drink for a day or so. Then hopefully that can start an AF string of days. Does that make sense??

Smokey, it makes sense that that's the way you've done it before... but saying that's how you "have to" do it that way implies that you are not the person in control of your own life and behavior. You can stop drinking any day that you choose to do so. It's a whole lot easier if you use the various tools in this MWO program; but it's vitally important that you recognize that YOU are in charge of the whole thing. If you take a passive stance, just waiting for events to unfold as if you are a victim, or a spectator, your chances of making the changes that I think you really want to make are much diminished...

best wishes, glad you are back...

wip

[smokey1949]

23 Days AF and Blew it

Thanks WIP -- you've put it in a different perspective -- one that makes more sense

[Starlight Impress Forever]

23 Days AF and Blew it

23 days says you sure as hell can do this, smokey.........I`ve always believed you would succeed. Bottom line is........you`ve lived your life perfectly well these past 23 days, without alcohol.......says you do not need it. Therein lies the problem........it is so easy to weaken and succumb to temptation........we convince ourselves that we NEED a drink, when in fact, what we really mean is that we WANT a drink. We are indeed our own worst enemies.

Moderation?........I no longer regard it as being the glittering prize in this battle. The truth is.......some of us, like myself, are too far gone in their alcoholism to ever moderate, and that is the question each of us must ask of ourselves......."Which one applies to me?......do I BELIEVE, or do I merely HOPE that I can drink moderately?" Those of us who answer "hope" ought to embrace an AF life.......for some of us, it`s the only way.

An AF forever, is the way I must live out my life now, and it`s no longer such a big deal........I`ve accepted it.......indeed, I have embraced it. Am I miserable without alcohol? No, not at all, just as you were not miserable throughout your AF days.

I think some of us must finally let go of even the most remote possibility of mods. That is a major problem for many, just as it was for myself in the beginning. But finally the self deception has to stop and we have to accept if mods is outwith our personal capabliities.

Too many people set themselves up for failure, declaring that they`ll make a successful moderator, knowing full well that they will fall at the second, if not the first.

I am not saying that mods is impossible. I believe that we do have successful moderators here, but that they are rather thin on the ground. I have huge respect for those successfully moderating, only.......I no longer wish I was one of them.......the longer I am AF, the more natural it seems. There is life after alcohol dependency and.......it just keeps getting better.

Star x

[smokey1949]

23 Days AF and Blew it

Thanks Star....and you're correct.....as you normally are.

[Chief]

23 Days AF and Blew it

Yes she is....

You can do this, Smoke.....it's all in your frame of mind. Get right back on it.....don't wait a few days.....don't allow yourself to return to daily drinking. You had a lapse in judgement, it doesn't have to be a relapse back to your old drinking ways.

As WIP said...you are in charge of this whole thing. You really are. You decide what you are going to put in your mouth.....no one forces you to drink. You have to decide this is a battle you will win. Be aggressive about it....plan to win.....don't hope you can.

I learned the only way I could beat The Beast was to step out of the ring.....and once you are out, it's alot easier to stay quit than to keep quitting.

You can do this.

Don

[smokey1949]

23 Days AF and Blew it

Thanks Don. BTW, your "easier to stay quit than to keep quitting" philosophy helped me to get though 23 days AF. I determined to make it work -- today is Day 1. Between you, WIP and Star there's a ton of great advice here. Thanks again.

[beatle]

23 Days AF and Blew it

Yeh, I read on this site when I first joined: "It's easier to stay out than to get out"-- it helps to keep those memories of withdrawal fresh in your mind.

My first detox was a nightmare-- had a seizure while driving on the motorway during rush hour... it's a miracle I am alive... that memory kept me sober for quite a bit (unfortunately, not long enough).

Now I have other awful memories to keep me "out" so I don't have to "get out" yet again.

You go Smokey. Don't be an ijit like me. You did 23 days, you can do forever. It's up to you!

[Noelle]

23 Days AF and Blew it

J, you're doing okay. I'm proud of you!!!!!! Get back on there and go again!

[gyco]

23 Days AF and Blew it

1949 ive been in your shoes many times,the last, ten months,i no i can stop whenever i want,tht is not the point,life around you will never cease to go on,whether you drink or not,to me its living with the results of wht you do,i wish you a happy day or evening gyco