IF I AM NOT BARRED YET!!!

[maddiva]

MY GOD! YOU ARE ALL SO FORGIVING AND THANK YOU FOR THAT FOR THAT IS A QUALITY. YESTERDAY WAS A REALLY BAD DAY FOR ME. I HAD NO IDEA IT WAS A BAD DAY UNTIL THE DAY HAD FINISHED. I COULD NOT REALLY REMEMBER THE FULL DAY, JUST KNEW HOW I FELT AND THEN DRANK ON IT. NOT VERY IMPRESSED BY THOSE WHO CHOSE TO THREATEN ME, BUT I UNDERSTAND IT. UNDERSTANDING IS A QUALITY. I COULD REACT AND SAY 'BRING IT ON' AND GIVE YOU MY HOME ADDRESS. BUT WHAT WOULD THAT DO? YOU, AS AM I, ARE ENTITLED TO AN OPINION AND SPREAD IT YOU MUST. I WOULD SUGGEST READING AND DIGESTING WHAT I WRITE, INSTEAD OF JUST ACTING ON IT. SOMETIMES WE FAIL TO DIGEST WHAT IS WRITTEN. THE SAME MUST APPLY TO ME ALSO. THIS DRINK (ALCOHOL) IS A REAL PROBLEM. I WOULD NOT BE HERE OTHERWISE. I VENTED MY ANGER AND DIRECTED IT WRONG. I MUST LEARN MY LESSONS. IS LIFE NOT A FISTFUL OF LESSONS?? WHEN YOU STOP LEARNING YOU DIE. THAT IS MY LESSON FOR TODAY:h

[dingbat]

IF I AM NOT BARRED YET!!!

I realized what was going on with you yesterday, because I've been there myself. I've even had to ask the "am I banned" question:H!!! So, you get no judgment from me.

We're here, you're here; all's good!

[AAthlete]

IF I AM NOT BARRED YET!!!

maddiva;481247 wrote: ....I VENTED MY ANGER AND DIRECTED IT WRONG.

Maddiva, we have all been there so I pass no judgment either. However, that doesn't mean that we have carte blanche to come here are repeat the same acts over and over...

So, as O2M says, take this opportunity to put together a plan to get you where you want to be. Best of luck to you...

[maddiva]

IF I AM NOT BARRED YET!!!

I desperately seek a plan. I want it. I beg for it. So far I am doing it on my own and I have gone down from five bottles of wine (just picture the scene) hell, I assure you to one and a half once a week. Then I just react badly. I did not realize how drunk I was, but hell, I was. The five bottles was almost daily at my worst. I love outdoor pursuits, so do incorporate that in your plan. I walk daily. I love the idea of mountaineering, but aint got there yet. Want to abseil, but that is so far removed. Want to Kayaak will I ever get there. Above all I want to be sober and to say that was me yesterday..............:l

[A Work in Progress]

IF I AM NOT BARRED YET!!!

OK, those activities are all good. Have you read the "tool box" thread? There's some good stuff in there about getting and pursuing a plan. It's the first thread in the "Monthly Abstinence" section.

[Mags]

IF I AM NOT BARRED YET!!!

Maddiva
You need to start somewhere. Download RJ's book. Read it. Buy some of the supplements. At least try the kudzu and L-glutamine. We can guide you through most of the supplements and withdrawl. Try to put together a one week and then maybe a 30 day alcohol free plan. We can help you get through it if you will try.

[Guest]

IF I AM NOT BARRED YET!!!

Madiva, If you felt me harsh yesterday I sincerly apologize. I have been where you are. My personal worse a 3 bottle of wine a day drinker. Still have slip ups. Supplements help L Glut in particular. Your human, your anger I know isn't directed at us,but words are hurtful. I have a feeling you don't feel loved. You are, by God himself and many on this site. I ask of you one thing love yourself enough to think that you can be salvaged as a human.
Hugs because you need them
Mare

[GypsyT]

IF I AM NOT BARRED YET!!!

empathy

Hey Madz,

I'm just starting out as well. I must admit that I have not yet had an AF, but I have cut down my consumption by about half and while this has been a struggle, I've been feeling slightly better about the world and my place in it (slightly). It's f***ing frightening to want something and to be at the beginning of all the hard work- so frightening that it can sometimes even feel like without that cigarette or glass of wine, there's nothing left to look forward to. Yet every time I think that, thoughts of some very inspirational people in my life always follow- you know those 'wankers' who always tell you that you're a good person, but it's so hard to believe it within yourself because you self-loathe because of... everything? It's hard to accept it, because it means we can't deny it and it really f***s up a good drink.

The most important people in my life have suffered severe trauma. I have suffered severe trauma. People deal with it differently, and almost no one deals 'gracefully' in the idealistic sense. It's probably the most imperfect people who have overcome imperfection with imperfection that inspire me the most- struggle is here to stay, hopefully so are we.

Gyps :new:

[Evie.Lou]

IF I AM NOT BARRED YET!!!

You're on your way to a better future...I bless you on your path.

[Princess Fiona]

IF I AM NOT BARRED YET!!!

Welcome all newcomers
I learned something huge in AA. We all have a disease, when we pick up that 1st drink. it triggers an allergic reaction, which causes a mental obsession in our brains, we have to drink more, which leads us to a form of insanity!!! we have all woken up full of remorse, asking ourselves "HOW COULD WE HAVE DONE/SAID THAT!!!" Insane.
When we are ill, we go to the doctor for medicine to get better, with AL, there is no medicine, only our will to stop drinking and to admit to ourselves an another person we are POWERLESS towards AL.
Start working a program and tell yourself, Just for today, I WILL not drink, soon you will have many days under your belt....
Good Luck
LOL xoxox

[gyco]

IF I AM NOT BARRED YET!!!

hi mad one,what your goin thro is not fun,you hav intised the brain to long,i wrote in somones thread it is not he booze or the people we keeeep,it is your brain,when the brain says drink the battle starts,even in months or years of sobriety,ive stayed reasonably quiet about it,but same old same old,i stopped for a month so now im gonna try ,1,have you ever had one,i have,when i went out,but like you when i got home id have a few drinks more,as time goes on the few inyears becom dozens,then as you get even older you cant have the dozens any more and when you do,it beats you up badly,the body hurts,but the brain says i want more,even with what you did from 5 bottles to 1,5 a week could of killed you,not only withdrawl sets in,the brain goes wacky,saying listen i want more,kinda like over loading a fuse box,capowee,if youhav trouble quitting you come down a lot slower then 5 to 1,5,kinda like when i was on ,valuum,you com off slowly,same as clanazapam same thing slowly,i beleive ALL, is the same if you hav 10 beer a day,go to 8 ,then 6 ,then 4, and then 2,i could get chastised for this,but this is somthing i beleive,mite not work for all but i seem to be making leaps and bounds with this remedy,i guess som can and som cant, i wish you luck,gyco

[Chelle12]

IF I AM NOT BARRED YET!!!

Hey MD...
Pm me, I know what you're going through

[IAD]

IF I AM NOT BARRED YET!!!

Maddiva, no matter what anyone says, only R J can barre you. Everyone has an opion, hope you can make out ok. Like I said before, we've all had less than favorable occasions before. Your in good company. IAD.

[beatle]

IF I AM NOT BARRED YET!!!

Gyco, many experts on detoxing have been coming to the same conclusion as you suggest -- tapering down (as is done with most drugs) to avoid withdrawal (which can be more than just uncomfortable, it can be life threatening when a hard-core drinker quits cold turkey).

However, most hard-core drinkers can't do this on their own. I've tried and hardly ever been successful (except my last time, that is-- but I did enlist the help of my husband, who controlled the alcohol and dealt it out to me in increasingly smaller amounts over 5 days. It worked great. No withdrawal at all.)

Anyway, the point is, since most people can't just slowly taper down, (once they start, they lose self-control) they need to do it in a controlled setting. This is why going cold turkey is the only way for most people.

But maybe it is easier to do over a long period of time? Like very slowly... go from 5 bottles to 4 over a month, then from 4 to 3 over a month,.... I don't know-- maybe something for you Maddiva, since you seem to already be on that track?

The bottom line is-- whatever works! (The hard part is finding that!)

[Mags]

IF I AM NOT BARRED YET!!!

We're really pretty good people, Madd. Give us a try.